Love Notes, Rainy Days, Sunsets, And Waves...

A photo a day keeps the battyness away...

2012-01-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

In order in keep record of life with my being back and forth from Texas to Georgia and figuring out life, i have decided to start keeping a photo a day log. My hope is that it will help me slow down and sit back enough to focus on what is around me, as well as the small joys and oddness that make my life...well, my life :) I stared this about a week ago, but just haven't uploaded the photos yet, ha. So here is my back log of photos from my odd life :) Hope you enjoy :)

Day 1

A beginning of the year self shot is important in my opinion, tis nice to look back at the end of the year and see how much you've changed. On this day i was wearing Chason's Baylor University tee...yes,i gotta represent my state, don't ya know ;) This is probably one of my favorite tees of his to steal...after the one he wore when we first met anyway :)

Day 2

I can't be the only girl who finds the way her man drinks Starbucks hot...right? Something about the cup colors and the name, combined with the hotness of the guy...i get giggly :)

Day 3

Black berries have become my favorite breakfast, lunch, and snack food! I find them best after a few days of sitting in the fridge, they get a sweeter flavor. I love their squishy-ness :)

Day 4

Mr. Scary grass fire face :) Chason had a little too much fun when we grilled out...This is the result of his fascination for fire and knack for giving me a panic attack...i hate fire. Twas quite the nice night though, grilled steak, sauteed spinach was the menu. We also made a new vinaigrette recipe i had just found, i'm not too much for salad, but with a great vinaigrette, i'm all in :)

Day 5

The epitome of snugly :)

Day 6 (Yesterday)

I've been taking care of Chason's parents cats while they went out of state, feeding them and cleaning their litter...which brings me to a thought; does anyone realize how backwards it is that we humans, scoop up animal poo? Most of the time while they sit and watch, mocking us with their stares, knowing that they have all power...it just seems like it it should be the other way around...animals clean up human crap, ya know?...but, they are furry and we are not (Some of us) so i guess they win.

Point is; it's been non stop rainy and i've been scooping up cat poo, along with dealing with my own crap...life crap, not, well, the other kind of crap...Sooo, stress has been ultra high...emotions have been pretty intense, and there are just so many changes and things on my plate.

Yesterday morning Chason had a business meeting and had to run some errands and i decided to stayed at the house. It was rainy like whoa, the internet and satellite were down, and i wasn't feeling well. I was quite lonely...Texas time was 8am and no one i know is awake or able to talk then. I love my man and can't wait to start our new life here in the peach state, but it is hard being alone here...apart from him, i have no one here...a cousin yes, but i'm not super close to him yet. Relationships are hard right now...which is more pie than i can slice into here, but yeah...it's hard sometimes.

Thankfully, that morning i went to go clean up cat poo, and found Lewis (orange kitty) in when he wasn't supposed to be. Though this morning i think God let him in, because he came up to me, purred and sat on my lap as i cuddled and squeezed him like a teddy bear. I'v never seen a more cuddly and sweet cat. He, along with Little Bit (other kitty), kept me company and made me smile and laugh...it was like the sunshine i needed on that gray day. Sometimes it's the little things (and the furry things) that make a difference :)

Day 7 (today)

Chason had another meeting this morning, though this time i tagged along and waited in the car. Of course we made a very necessary trip to Starbucks before his meeting, and got our normal hot chocolate (his) and iced white mocha (mine), as well as tried the cheese and fruit bistro box..twas quite the delight and made us very happy on this early morning...mmm cheese and fruit...what is better? :) I'm thinking of getting a new usual Starbucks drink though, i mean i love my white mocha, but i'm feeling like a new season in life deserves a new drink. Any suggestions? I've already done the caramel macchiato and caramel frap, which were '08 and '09's drinks...am i the only person who likes to change Starbucks drinks by the year? Hmm....

Oh look, we are all caught up now :) Yay :) Till the morrow blog peoples :)

~Cecily Priscilla

Salsa,tums, and love...

2011-12-24T03:36:00.001-08:00

So it's 5am and I'm awake eating a pumpkin empanada ( thanks to my good friend's mom) trying to get my sick/ hungry tummy and acid reflux to quite down...it's been a long day and after Christmas shopping and downing salsa & wheat thins for a late night snack ( very bad idea), and choking ( literally...thought I wasn't gonna make it) Tums and pepto down I am beginning to gain a bit of perspective on a very frustrating day/ past few months. The thing I'm learning in life is that situations are only as big and complicated as you allow them to be. And often times it just takes you stepping back from the issue to breathe and realize what is truth and what are the lies you are letting take ahold of your mind. I can sometimes be so quick to anger and ready to throw in the towel when I'm hurt or afraid. I don't like that about myself. I don't like saying things I know I don't mean. And I don't like walking out when life gets tough. We take so much for granted, and we are so petty and ready to lash out. And by "we" I mean me. It's crazy how we can become self fulfilling prophesies if we let our minds go free when we are confronted with an uncomfortable situation. I realized tonight how much my own crazy mind can damage myself and my relationships. I can be so one-sided and self focused, and that is not at all what I am called to be...I'm supposed to be a reflection of Jesus, the one true and pure love. Being love to someone is so much more important then I have been acting...for "the greatest of these is love" . God has richly blessed me this year... He has given me more then I could have dreamed, and yet instead of taking the time out to treat it with the upmost care, I run. I refuse to do that anymore. I won't let God's beautiful blessing become something the enemy steals away. I choose love . Lord help me always choose love. - Cecily Priscilla

To sail…

2011-09-03T20:55:00.001-07:00

Have you ever wanted to just sail away, in the ocean so blue? When gray skies cloud your days and emotions drown you. When tired tears are all you have, and tired eyes have given out, don’t you want to just sail away? This is what I dream about...

A big boat with room only for two, a soaring sail white and torn, proudly displaying its tattered ends from many storms.

Star filled skies to let our thoughts rest upon, salty air to breathe; the ocean breeze would cool our skin, as we find the chance to begin again.

What a blessed thing to know, the sweet freedom that comes as the waves take you in tow; the freedom of the open sea, the freedom to explore what’s out of reach, the freedom and space to let love settle in its new home, the time, space and freedom, to let us all grow.

Oh, let this heart be made new, let these eyes be renewed, let these tears fall into the sea, let this worn ship carry me.

To the ends of the earth, to the bottom of the sea, let these cares fall away, let this worn ship carry me.

~Cecily Priscilla

Submit to the process

2011-08-22T02:29:00.001-07:00

Do you ever have those moments where insanity seems to make sense? Like you actually think you may be going insane? Thinking over my life so far this year makes me think that. Not because my year has been bad, on the contrary, it has been crazy wonderful for the most part; but the sheer surprise and emotional drain it has taken makes me laugh and cry at the same time. My heart has been on emotional overdrive for months now. I’ve been just taking what comes as it comes and not really processing.

My life over the past 6 months has been pretty much a whorl wind, a really happy and new whorl wind of blessing. In that time, I finished and graduated from bible school and fell in love again. I’ve been pretty much on cloud 9 since about March.

Until now. When everything in my life seems very uncertain and directionless.

When the year started I was in my last half of bible school, learning about God and studying the Word constantly. I had my little weekly routine and I loved it. I loved getting to be taught by some inspiring and scripturally knowledgeable men and women of God. I got to be in a classroom with the sweetest, most heartwarming people, and I got used to walking in the classroom and opening up my bible and notebook ready to learn. It was a beautiful time in my life.

Around the last few months of school a certain very kind and charming man came into the picture. I started to get used to him as well. He made me smile and laugh more than I ever had.

I graduated from bible school on June 1^st and naturally went straight into spending my free time with my new boyfriend. I’ve had the blessing of spending most my summer days with this very sweet guy, being happy and creating memories. Sadly the constant spending time together has had to stop while life has taken us to long distance, 15 hours away from each other.

And now, without him and without school, I am finding it hard to figure out just where I need to be, and what I need to do. I’m in the weird between stage of what I want, what I’m ready for, and what God actually thinks I need.

It’s a very frustrating process, and being my very controlling self, I want to know how it will all work out.

I want things I’m not ready for; this is a very hard fact to accept when you want so badly to be ready for what you desire. It’s maddening. The heart tends to always be ahead of circumstance and our dreams ahead of God. The sad thing is that I know that what I need is going to take time, but what scares me more than that is that it’s going to take waiting in the dark. Waiting in the unknown. I’ve never been good with the unknown. I just wish my clock and God’s clock were in sync…with his being in agreement with mine.

But this morning, while lying on my bed thinking of my wants, needs, and can’t haves, my face toward my window where the soft, calming sun was shining through, I heard one thing speaking in my soul; submit to the process. Just submit to the process and get on living your life.

If there’s one thing God has taught me over the last year of my life, is that I need to learn to submit to Him. Submit my life, my dreams, my wants, and my will humbly to Him. I’ve been taught this lesson so many times and every time I think I get it, and then I realize I must not have, because I never follow it through long term. And while I think submitting our will to God is a battle we will all fight from time to time in our lives, it’s something I would really like to follow through longer than just a couple months. Especially because i know that when i did start submitting to God in the past, things were a lot happier, and instead of seeing black, I could see a faint rainbow in the distance.

Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways.”

When I’m trying so hard to control my life, thinking I know exactly what I need and want, sulking over not getting it, that scripture humbles me. His thoughts and ways are not our thoughts and ways, they are higher. Who do we think we are to say what God should give us, what right to we have to grumble, when our Lord’s ways are higher than ours? We couldn’t’ possibly comprehend the picture he is trying to paint and the story he is writing with our lives.

Friends, if you are going through a time in life where everything feels uncertain and even painful, I encourage you to submit to the process of growing, learning, and listening. If it hurts, then go to God and ask why, but mostly, listen. Psalm 37:7 says to “be still in the presence of the Lord”, and tells us to “wait patiently for him to act”. So if you’re stuck waiting for life to move, then sit in the quiet with God. Let him grow you, and understand and accept that you may not be ready for what you want, even if you think you are or want to be. God knows when the right time to bring things to pass is. He does have a specific plan for each of our lives (Jer.29:11), and he is a faithful God. So take this time to grow into the person you need to be for the appointed time you need to be it. There are things to be learned and felt in every season of life, so submit to learning and feeling.

What I want in life is going to take time of waiting, working, and praying. Time of growing and falling hard, crying hard, getting back up and smiling again. It’s going to take patience. And it’s going to take submission to God’s clock.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” - Proverbs 3:5-6

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." - Psalm 40:2

~Cecily Priscilla

Nothing sad…

2011-08-16T00:29:00.001-07:00

Ha, this made me smile on a day I couldn’t find much to smile about :)

Going to have to make a Tumbler for all these Pinterest pictures so I don’t flood this blog with them, ha.

Jumbled heart, jumbled head…

2011-08-14T18:21:00.001-07:00

I took a trip to Georgia for almost 2 weeks to visit with Chason and meet his family. Twas lovey and wonderful to spend so much time with him. But hard because of others things. Got back Thursday night. The trip cleared my head in some ways, and also gave it so many other things to figure out. I’ll post about the trip soon. But right now my head is fuzzy, and my heart is frustrated…aaaand, I could use a nap. So here are quotes that relate to how I feel.

On a last note, I just joined Pinterest! I adore it! If you’re on there follow me! http://pinterest.com/cecilypriscilla/

~Cecily Priscilla

Hosea 2:19-20

2011-07-20T03:27:00.001-07:00

“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD” – Hosea 2:19-20

That scripture spoke to me tonight. I’m sure I have read it before, but somehow tonight it’s meaning was timely. Sometimes we all need to be reminded of our Lord’s sweet love for us. We all need to be reminded of how he pursues our hearts because he longs to be with us. We are his bride. He will marry us in faithfulness and compassion…and oh, he is so faithful and compassionate.

Sometimes I don’t feel good enough. I think we all go through those moments in life. Today, I must admit, I had a hard time feeling anything but lost and empty, with nothing to offer. Less than. Like a item on the clearance rack that just doesn't live up to the rest of the beauty around it.

I don’t feel valuable on some days, days I give into the lie I must be “perfect”, I must be what everyone else wants me to be. Days like those are when I let the enemy fill my mind with his poison to throw me off track and get me to conform to what this messed up world wants me to be.

But, we were not created to be the same. We were not created to fit into the box society tries to shut us in.

We are made to be free. We are made to be unique. We were all created with strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, quirkiness and oddities…we are all one of kind creations of a big and wonderful, creative God. We are to be aliens; transformed by the renewing of our mind.

I don’t fit in this world, it does not understand who I was created to be. It’s people do not accept what my heart longs to do; bring Glory to the one and only God, and love him and others with my whole heart. I don’t care about status, I don’t care about position, I don’t care what looks good or sounds pleasing to the ears of the people who judge me. I don’t care if they think I’m odd. I am odd. But I am also something else, something no one can take away; I am loved, and I am a daughter of the King.

From now on, when I walk into a room, or face gossip or criticism for the millionth time, I will only let this one thing in my mind and heart; I am a daughter of the King, and my Father faithfully loves me.

I am betrothed forever in righteousness and faithfulness. Halleluiah. My Lord is so good to me. He loves me so unconditionally and so beautifully.

We are always enough in our Fathers eyes.

~Cecily Priscilla

Summer sun brings changes– Snap shots from my life as of late…

2011-06-16T04:01:00.001-07:00

It’s officially summer again…oh how i adore summer! It makes my heart happy…and it also always seems to usher in changes. Summer never fails to give my life a curve ball, and throw my heart into a tail spin of crazy wonderful. I think God winks at me through the summer sun and warm breeze of the evenings :) So much has changed and happened in the last few months and weeks, and I'm just barely getting into a new flow enough to blog it all out. I mean i turned 22 on May 28th, spent my special day/weekend with a guy who makes my heart smile and gained said guy officially as *my guy*, took finials and attend my last class at DBI, graduated from bible school on June 1st (a week earlier than planned originally) and was honored at the ceremony, and have been blessed to be spending the most happy weekends of my life with the best guy…yeah, I'm blessed. And I'm still catching my breathe to be honest. There are a lot of emotions after graduating that i need to write out, as well as other things…oh cats, i really do have so much to write here! So, to start it all off, i will post a small photo blog of snap shots from the past month. Cheers!

Destiny Bible Institute graduation…my first time being in a cap and gown (homeskool baby!)…i look weird.

Honey Bee graduation cake from Yummy Finds Eatery in Victoria :) This is my favorite flavor of cupcake there, and it it just as awesome in a cake version! Quite rich though, but so, so lovely!

Krystal and i being silly after graduation :)

Frozen Yogurt with Chason at Cherry Berry in Victoria :) We went to a late lunch/early dinner at Olive Garden, got full and napped in his truck until we were ready for ice cream, and then hit up Cherry Berry for some red velvet, birthday cake, triple chocolate, and strawberry frozen yogurt, with Skittles, and sprinkles in top!! Mmm, sooo pretty and yummy! I love skittles in frozen yogurt! Chason does not lol. Yay for pink and green spoons! Our favorite colors (awwws).

After math of the yogurt…mmm..twas worth every bite :)

Chason’s Mr. Yogurt face on a napkin…yeah, his hotness makes up for his oddness lol.. .Meh, who am i kidding, i luff it ;p

Oh cats, what a dorky and crappy photo of me lol, but i like the way we look together…and it kind of captures our relationship…i smile a lot when I'm with him :)

Chason’s idea…didn’t quite work, but fun try babe ;)

Fun in boyfriends T-shirt...yes, he’s made me (slightly) girly…screw him. He’s getting me to wear less makeup and stuff in my hair…I'm liking the more natural look :)

This weekend i am again spending time with Chason before he goes out of state to help with Creation Fest…yes, i have an awesome boyfriend who volunteers for cool stuff :) So I'm sure I'll have more photos to post soon…it is my goal to get a decent photo of us lol ;)

In this season, life is good, and i am happy.

~Cecily Priscilla

Fishies…

2011-05-22T22:28:00.001-07:00

So tonight I find myself frustrated…I’m not even fully sure why really, but I am…I graduate in a little over a week and I guess I’m a little anxious about getting everything done in time. Graduation wasn’t supposed to be until June 8^th, but they moved it up a week to the 1^st…it just seems so fast and I feel like I’m going so slow…on top of that I just feel like I can’t find my footing…just unbalanced and thrown off. My head feels as if I have little fishies swimming around and around in there…like a merry go round that’s making me dizzy. I’m not a schedule type, but I think I need to make one for the next couple weeks; I just need a bit of organization before I go batty.

Lots of deep breaths.

Funny mix of feelings here, because in the midst of that I’m really, really happy…I mean I’m graduating bible school!! Something I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do due to some complications. So, even though I’m stressed, I want to smile…and cry happy strange tears. I’ve been crying those happy tears a lot lately, which is different, but very good.

I just want to sit by the water and take all this in…the past 8 months of my life have been the most crazy, exciting, tough, challenging, frustrating, beautiful, and wonderfully happy time of my life so far. I am so blessed. God has been so good to me.

So I’ll just breathe deep, and let it all go. I’ll lay down the anxiety and worry at my Lord’s feet and let Him carry it tonight. It’s all in His mighty hands. He’s got this all figured out, and he’s strong and able.

Let’s rock this.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” – Mathew 11:28-30

~ Cecily Priscilla

Though it tarries…

2011-05-20T19:32:00.001-07:00

“For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. “- Habakkuk 2:3

Let it come softly, let it come like a lighting flash, let it come in a still small voice, please let it come, let it last.

Let it come like a rain storm as I sleep, falling suddenly, lulling my eyes into an endless dream.

May it come like the ocean, its depth no one can know. May it be as peaceful as the waves, cleansing the shore as they flow.

Oh, let it be as a song, a sweeping melody. Let the tune drown out these fears, let the notes carry me.

Or maybe it will come as the spring, sunny, bright, and new. Bringing life to all dead things, and making memories new.

Let the roots dig deep, strong as on oak, as withstanding as the olive tree, never dying despite the storms and fires life throws. Let it be life giving, and fruit bearing, let its shade be a place of rest for many.

Yes Lord, send it in the burning sun, the sweet fresh air, let it remind us how to breathe, and let it renew our hearts so that we may once again believe and dream.

~Cecily Priscilla

Early birthday cows and cupcakes…:)

2011-05-18T20:48:00.001-07:00

I was surprised today with an early birthday present of tons of cow balloons and yummy yummy cupcakes from Hey Cupcake in Austin, all thanks to a very sweet and awesome guy…I like boys who buy me cupcakes and cows :)

Birthday cow is cute!!!! I wanna hug her! Clover Clancy is her name :)

Pretty package of cupcakes and pink birthday hat!!! I like pink birthday hats :)

Heaven….with a smiley face!!! Red Velvet,Chocolate with special candy on top, and vanilla on vanilla :) They smelt and tasted lovely! Mmmm :)

My house full of balloons and cupcakes…happy girl :)

So, this guy put in so much effort and thought into this surprise for me…driving the three hours from Austin to my town to drop off the cupcakes to my town flowers shop, driving back and cutting it close to being late for a important meeting…no one has ever done something so special for me. His beyond sweet gift made me tear up a bit, but they were happy tears….I'm so blessed to know him :) His heart is so big, and God’s love just shines through him like crazy, I've never known anyone like him :) He’s super and has tons of hugs coming his way ;) Definitely a happy early birthday for this gal ;)

~Cecily Priscilla

Summer To Do List :)

2011-05-15T04:32:00.001-07:00

Oh summertime, how I love you…you make me swoon. Summer has always been my favorite season; it just feels free and happy. God must know this about me because around this time of year he always introduces some form of random whimsy happiness…God is whimsy, did you know that? Yes, he is very whimsical and random and fun, and the summer always reminds me of that aspect of my Lord. I think I’m just falling more in love with him just typing this remembering all he is and how the sun and the crashing waves and the flowers and sounds of children laughing all reflects his beauty and love and joy…how I can’t wait to get out and see it all again. So in honor of the fact the summer is on our doorstep, I thought I’d post my summer to do list; a list of things I hope to experience in coming sunny months. However, this list is tentative, I have a funny feeling God will change it a bit like he always does…I love that about him :)

~Summer To Do List ~

1. Spend a day at the beach –

I love the beach, the sound of the waves, the feel of the sand beneath your feet, getting to find pretty and interesting sea shells. I love being in the happy sunshine. I haven’t been to the beach in years, I miss it. I want to take a day this year to just relax on the sand and let the sun rays kiss my skin.

2. Buy swimsuit for said beach trip –

Oh, swimsuits…every girl’s nightmare. I seriously haven’t worn/shopped for a bathing suit since I was about 14…so sad. Every year I see those lovely tiny swim suits in the stores and breathe a sigh…and then want to murder those perfect stick girls who I see buying them. But, this year is different, I mean, still want to murder those stick girls, but I feel more confident in my own skin (on most days), and I want to go for the swimsuit dang it! I’m an almost 22 year old woman; this is my prime baby, why should I let my youthful figure go to waste by fearing the bathing suit? I will buy a swimsuit this year that makes me feel comfortable, and like the beautiful, and playful, woman I am, and I will rock it, yo! ;)

Really lovin’ this Betsey Johnson printed halter!

3. Have a pretty picnic dinner party –

Picnics are so sweet and fun! They just take you back to being a carefree kid. I’ve always wanted to do it up big with a picnic dinner party, invite all my friends, decorate the outdoor space really whimsy, throw some twinkles lights up, make awesome and yummy fresh food and fruit pies. Add some awesome folk and/or exotic music and some pretty plates and diner ware, and have everyone dress up…magic :)

4. Attend a summer music festival –

Ah, summertime and sweet music go hand and hand. I’ve wanted to attend a summer festival for years but haven’t got the chance yet. The music, the heat, the food, the different kinds of people…so enchanting, to get lost in a musical sea of pounding drums and blaring guitars all day long would be just heaven. My sister and I are the types that know of every Christian music festival in the U.S., and plan to one day travel to all of them. But until then my goal is to at least make it out to one this year. Maybe Rock the Desert in Odessa…maybe a different one. We’ll see :)

5. Get a tattoo –

I’ve wanted a tattoo since I was 17, but something has always stopped me in the past (mostly my dad lol), but I don’t think I can wait much longer…I mean really how long can a girl be expected wait to feel the rush of the tattoo needle on her skin? Yeah, not longer than 22 years that’s for sure! I’m planning on getting my first one after I graduate from bible school in early June. So jazzed! There are so many tattoos I want…I think I counted about 7 not counting my half sleeve of sweets, and I’m ready to get started on them baby! :)

6. Get my hips pierced –

Okay, so people think I’m crazy for wanting this, but I don’t care! I want my hips pierced! Surface piercings are so intriguing and cool, and I love the way the hip piercing looks, the way it frames the hip bone is just awesome. I’m so aching to do it!

7. Take a road trip –

What is better than being on the road with people you love? Very few things. I’m a road trip lover, there’s something about packing up and taking off early in the morning before sunrise, driving all day popping in random mix cds, and stopping at interesting places along the way, or cuddling up with a fluffy blanket and pillow in the backseat as you watch the stars and drift off to the sound of the road beneath your tires. I love to explore, and road trips are just so magical…okay, so I’m romanticizing it a bit, but they are special when you are with special people. I must take at least one road trip this summer :)

8. Have the perfect small town summer day –

Riding around town eating sno cones and listening to music, walks at the bay, movies at night…saying up to watch the sunrise…:) Reminds me of when I was growing up :)

9. Craft and sew – So my sister and I have become obsessed with the idea of crafting lately, we really want to get into making pretty things with our hands. So we made up our minds to make a list of crafts we want to complete this summer and go to it! So fun! Along with that I’m going to be getting a church member of mine to teach me to sew...oh how I want to be able to alter my old grungy band t-shirts and making them into something a cute and awesome. I have my cherished Sullivan t-shirt I want to make into a rockin’ halter, so I got some learning to do!

10. Get Henna –

I always thought it would be fun to get a henna tattoo, they look so awesome and fun, plus they're not permanent. Summer just seems like the prefect time to do it :)

Cheers friends, hope your summer is filled with fun and lots of smiles :)

~Cecily Priscilla

Purr…:)

2011-05-13T16:43:00.001-07:00

Last week after class my doorbell rang and guess what I saw… Rhonda from the flower shop with a bright and spunky bouquet of pink Gerber daises (i love Gerber daises, they are just so happy!!), and a pretty gift bag full of…Red Bull. Oh yes, Red Bull! I really love Red Bull….purrr. It’s like heaven in a pretty blue can.

So yeah, a very sweet and kind boy who made friends with the lady at my town flower shop (I’m not even friends with the lady at my flower shop…this guy is good.) is the culprit of these happy gifts, and all these darn smiles this girl has been wearing lately...God is good :)

So yeah, this post goes out to him…thank you for making me smile lots…meow, purr :)

~Cecily Priscilla

You were right after all...

2011-05-03T21:14:00.000-07:00

one of the very last things you ever said to me was that there are way better guys than you out there. i think that was the only honest thing you said in that whole conversation.

Cecily’s Slightly Sarcastic Dating Rules Part. 2…oh yes baby, there’s more…

2011-04-21T02:12:00.001-07:00

So, I while back I posted a list of some of the dating rules I go by, rules I made after experiencing some “interesting” guys. This is a continuation of that list, because once you think back on your past dealings with guys, you realize that there are so many things you want/need to look out for next time! Yeah, don’t feel bad if you find yourself there, we all do at some point. Love can suck (Sometimes). But, if you know what to look out for next time you will avoid picking that dumb indie/emo guy that ended up acting like he was 12 instead of in his twenties (yeah I said it). So here’s a continuation of my slightly sarcastic dating rules, i hope they help you see the good from the crazy! Cheers!

1. Never date a guy who wears Axe Body Spray, aka “the not yet a man” cologne. A guy who wears Axe is in that stage of life where he is finding his man identity. You can identify him by the cheap smell radiating from him and the pathetic attempt at a beard that just looks like a bear attacked his face and stapled his fur around his mouth. Boys who wear Axe are still in the frat boy state of mind and want to play the cad with all the “babes”. Boys like this will flirt with any female that breathes. Dump the child and find a real man who is serious about life and has goals.

2. Never date a guy who takes shirtless photos of himself on post’s them online. The guys who post shirtless photos of themselves online are egoistical and insecure. They also are cheesy and tacky and if you date them your friends and family will laugh at you. No real man will be so gay to post pictures of himself shirtless that taken by himself. Get a man you can respect and not laugh at behind his back.

3. Never date a guy who compares himself to biblical characters, especially Hosea. When a Christian guy compares himself to Hosea, what he is really doing is covering up for the fact that he is more like Hosea’s wife. This tells you He’s an emotional and/or physical cheater, who will never be satisfied and likes to play the martyr. Run far away fast, and find an honest (and less egotistical) man of God.

4. Never date a guy who follows both David Bazan, AND C.S. Lewis on Twitter…he is confused about his faith and is unstable. He wants to be “Mr. cool” and “Mr. philosophical Christian” at the same time. He will always have one foot in the world, and one foot walking with God.

5. If your boyfriend talks about his therapist in a buddy- buddy way more than he talks about his actual friends that way, then you should be scared and run…and change your number.

6. Always beware of a guy who requests all your family on Facebook. Now, this can be fine and very sweet if the guy wants to know your family, it means he cares and that is very awesome. HOWEVER, if you break up and your ex never deletes your family members from Facebook/Twitter, it will make things very awkward and weird. To ensure that you will not have to live your life with your ex still having some kind of connection, don’t let him friend your family on social networking sites until you are in a committed relationship. Also look out for him having all of his pasts ex’s friends and family members on Facebook…if he’s still talking to his high school girlfriend’s mom, then you should worry baby.

7. Run away from any guy who tells you what his “love language” is, especially if he says its touch. Imagine riding in a car with yo’ boy, and having him tell you “My love language is touch” *sly smile*…yeah, you’re thinking, “there’s no way in hell that you want touch to just express your “love”…you betta back those hands up baby!”. Guys who buy into the “love language” lingo are just emo boys with very loose and sneaky hands and other body parts. “Love language” is creeeeepy and icky, and hella awkward. Go for the guy that simply expresses his love genuinely, and doesn’t feel he has to specify how he shows it…aaaand who is not a total creeper. If your guy does ever tell you that his “love language” is touch, tell him yours is hitting people and if his “showing his love” gets too frisky, you will show yours by punching him in the face :D

8. Make sure your boyfriend has cut ties and/or has tied up the loose ends with his ex before you date him. Otherwise you might find yourself in the awkward position of having your ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend’s Facebook friend request pending because she requested you because your boyfriend just barely cut emotional ties with her and she was trying to get to know/interfere with your relationship with him, and you had no clue what to do with her request, so you did nothing. Super weird and uncomfortable!

~Cecily Priscilla

Flowers, bible school, and life…

2011-04-17T01:02:00.001-07:00

This was my Thursday

A very lovely gift from a very sweet friend :)

I wasn’t feeling too great after class, and was running on little sleep so I took my usual after class nap (which I loooove…it’s the only time I actually turn my phone off…this is probably a sad fact), and was woken to happy flowers and a very sweet card sent to my door…what a lovely surprise to receive a beautiful bouquet of my favorite flowers that make me smile, from a person that makes me smile :)

So, the rest of my week was a blur to some extent, I haven’t been feeling well and think I’m getting a cough….fun. There’s been a lot on my mind this week, which is fine, but I haven’t really had the chance to just sit and pray about it all. To just sit in the quiet with God. I’m going to start a 21 day fast on Monday; I did it recently, but feel in my spirit I need to continue.

I feel like I haven’t sat down and blogged in a while, which I don’t like because I have a lot of things I want to write about but don’t have the time…sad kitty. So until then, here is a quick update on things in my head and life…

I just realized I have this next week of classes to get through, and then I will be in my last trimester of bible school….i didn’t realize that it was going so fast, but I am almost done! Wow. I can’t believe that I have made it this far. Praise God! Just a little bit longer and I will be a graduate of Destiny Bible Institute…so happy!! :) I have been going through some tuff times getting to school, as well as other things, which I plan to post about soon. But In all that God has shown me more of his love and his provision. God has truly carried me though this whole thing, and I am falling in love with him more and more each day :)

I’m thinking about taking some audit classes in the second year of DBI next semester… But that is just an idea right now, I have no clue what I will be doing/what God has in store for me in the next few months so I guess we’ll see :)

Last week Crys and I took I trip to see our cousin Pam who we hadn’t seen in months, I didn’t realize how much my heart missed her until we were driving around Corpus together, listing to Taylor Swift and talking and laughing…so special. I will blog more about that whole trip soon as well.

I really want to get into some volunteering around my area, lately God has just been laying on my heart to just serve and love on people. I just want to be poured out right now. I have never been in a better place in my walk with God and I just want to give back all the love I am feeling, so I’ll be looking into some things in the next week.

I’m starting a new separate blog soon to chronicle my last stretch of bible school. This will still be my main blog home, but I feel like I learn so many things in just one week that I just want to remember and share, and I might as well do something with the notes I take lol. I also think a lot of random thoughts while sitting in class, and my classmates provide lots of fun and jokes, so I thought I’d chronicle that in a new blog :) I’ll post a link here once I get it done.

I’m re-dying my hair very soon, right now it’s faded and I need color before I go batty, so I ordered an awesome color from Amazon.com and am now just waiting for it to arrive…oh yes baby! The color was inspired by a cupcake recipe book ha, I’m going with a pink cherry cupcake theme…I wanna be a cupcake! :)

I went to SXSW with my bestest friends last month, saw The Almost and Bright Eyes and went home smelling like pot. Then went to Sunday church service at The Austin Stone the next morning.Twas breath taking :) I’ll be posting a review for it on my e-zine, “The Waking”, this coming Monday, check that out of you like that stuff :)

So, that ends my update for now, there are so many other things have been on my heart but I just need the time to sit and blog it all out. I hope to be able to do that soon after this week of classes. But, I have a couple projects and tests to finish/start so here I go. Ah, life is so beautiful right now, I am so happy where God has me :) Cheers!

List of what I’ve been listening to and loving lately;

This is the stuff – Francesca Battistelli

Barton Hallow –The Civil Wars

Lua – Bright Eyes

Steal Your Heart – Augustana

Everything by The Andrew Sisters

F****** Perfect – Pink (yes, don’t judge me it’s a sweet song)

Taylor Swift’s “Speak Now” (Pam played it for me in Corpus and I’m obsessed with it now lol)

If you were an Alien – The Brunettes

Everything by Imelda May

Bright Eyes live at SXSW via NPR (NPR broadcasted the show live and now as a free download of it on their site. Go listen!)

~Cec

Diving deep

2011-04-08T18:55:00.001-07:00

There’s so much more to you than we realize, so much more than we like to think; a relationship that does not end. Oh, to dive deep.

To immerse myself in the healing waters, to drink in redemption’s song, to feel the power of the Holy Spirit rushing over me, surrounding me.

I want to dive deep.

I need your power, I need your truth. I need to be refreshed; I need to be reborn in you. I need to dive deep.

I will dive deeply into all that you are, and I will find that you are more than they say you are.

So baptize me in your blood, baptize me with your holiness, let your spirit fall on me Lord, and let me find rest.

Fall on me Holy Spirit, give me your fire. Pour on me, leaving me burning with your love. Give me revelations Lord, give me your words; speak to me and through me until I am lost in all you are.

I will dive, and I will not fight the process.

I will let your cleansing waters consume me; I’ll die to myself to be born in you.

Sweet redeemer, healer, and mighty Lord of all, let my lungs be filled with your breath, my heart be stilled with your love, my soul be ignited with your fire, and my eyes be opened to your holy truth.

Oh my sweet Lord, I am finally diving deep with you.

~Cecily Priscilla

Creativity comes from the things you lack…

2011-03-25T03:18:00.001-07:00

The other day my friend Maria came to my home to show my mom and I the new beautiful crafts she has been making, this woman always makes the cutest, most lovely things with her hands, I admire her so. We were talking about crafting and decorating, and my mom was saying how if she had more money she could do so much with her home décor. Now, this is actually funny, because my mom is a wonderful decorator, and has always managed to make her home so lovely, delightful, and classy with very little money. She just has a knack for creating something beautiful out of something so simple, she doesn’t “craft” per say, but she creates her own little things, and puts her own personal touch and spin on items she buys and finds around the house. Because of her, I have always grown up in a home that felt special. Yet, my mom still thinks she could do “better” if she had the money to go and buy the things she dreams of seeing in her home, and while yes it would be great to have the money to do that, Maria said something that hit me, she said that “creativity comes from the things you lack”.

That is so true. If we had the money to buy all the things we want, we would never get to see what we could create on our own; we would never have the desire to dream up things in our minds. We would never get the satisfaction of creating our own things, and knowing that your personality is ingrained in the things you created.

Lately I’ve been in a very creative mode, I feel like getting my hands dirty, if you will, and really letting my mind take over and create beautiful things. I love fashion, I always have, but I don’t have the money to go out and buy a new wardrobe, I have to buy little pieces here and there to fit into what I already have. But when I go into a store, I love, love, just looking at a top or dress, and thinking “I can totally recreate that into something awesome!” I get so much excitement from taking a simple top, or a simple outfit, and putting my own spin on it to make it come to life. It’s the best way to show your personality. The other week I was at a store and found a Beatles sweatshirt, my mind went wild, while on its own it was “blah”, I knew that I could wear a plain black tank underneath it, and because if the way it was made, I could wear it as an off the shoulder top. The store only had a Medium when I needed a small, so to take care of the bigness I tied it to the side and fastened it with a brooch. All together it gave the top a sort of an ‘80’s rock feel. I love it, and got a lot of compliments on it :)

This is what I love doing, taking something “blah” and normal, and making “awesome” and “me” :) I think just paring the right jewelry with something can make an outfit with no personality take on a life of its own. And a normal pair of jeans can be transformed by wearing a tied scarf, or garter around the thigh…it adds spunk. I like spunk :) I also could care less if something is “in” or not, if i like it, then i will wear it…to me this is the only way to live :)

I plan on learning to sew very soon, so then I will be able to alter my own clothing and take my creating to new levels. I also would love to learn crochet since it’s always seemed so fun.

So, you don’t need much money to create rockin’ and special things that look fun and classy at the same time, all you need is passion, your beautiful imagination, and the lack of finances and supplies…ah, how sweet :)

~Cecily Priscilla

He makes all things new…

2011-03-04T23:56:00.001-08:00

“And He that sat upon the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new”. And He said unto me, “Write: for these words are true and faithful.” – Revelation 21:5

That scripture has always been one of my favorites, but last Saturday it came alive to me…God used His word to speak to my heart things that I needed to hear. And He also gave me peace and confirmation about something I have wondered about for quite some time now.

It was Saturday and I was in my room doing my makeup, it was a hot day so I had decided to listen to a mix that reminds me of refreshing days by the water, one the songs on that cd is Shawn McDonald’s song “Captivated”, which is a song with a lot of emotional and personal meaning to me. Because of the meaning this song has to me I stopped doing my makeup, moved away from my mirror and laid my head on the foot of my bed, so many thoughts, regrets, questions, and frustrations begin racing through my mind. And right there in the midst of all of my questions God brought the most comforting peace to me, and without me even asking, gave me a confirmation and closure I needed to put this question to rest.

Without going into the specifics, I needed to know that I had a special place in the life of someone I once knew, I needed to know I would be remembered in order to not keep beating myself up for caring for them. I can’t really even explain it, but God brought to remembrance things that had been said by that person, as well as different things about things them, and for the first time I felt in my heart peace about the way things happened between us, and God gave me confirmation that I had an impact and place in that person’s life, that in some way, even if I will never know specifics, I had a place in that person’s heart. It was a hard friendship to loose, I feel so deeply for each friend I have, I don’t like to accept that I can know someone so well, and they can know me, and then we never see each other again…the people I love leave imprints on me. But, God works in seasons, and just like Solomon says Ecclesiastes 3:1, “For everything there is a season,a time for every activity under heaven”, and in that moment God made that so clear to me. And I began to praise Him. That was a season in my life and the life of that person, a God appointed time for us to learn and grow and smile together. And then, once God accomplished what He needed to through that, He closed the door and locked it. And that is so beautiful. I am so thankful for that closed door, I am so thankful that God gave that season when He did, and took it away when He did. Praise God! I was overcome with such thankfulness and joy for my Lord in that moment; I couldn’t help but just cry and lift my hands to Him.

And that wasn’t all that God spoke to me in that moment, what He spoke to me then was something I needed to hear for so long, it was something God that has been trying to get my heart to believe. While I was so thankful that God gave me a peace about that situation, there was still some lingering issues; in my heart I have a hard time believing God will bring into my life new and better things then I have had before. It’s like I have had so many perfect and special moments and relationships and I just don’t believe that what God will bring me next will be as perfect…as suited to me…as happy. I tend to think I’ll have to settle for “alright”. I figure that I’ll be happy, but it won’t be that magical and exciting like other things I have had, it will just be “good”, not “great”. But in that moment God pierced my heart so deeply by His Word; He brought to my mind Revelation 21:5, so I got out my bible (which is my grandpa’s old bible…so special) and I started to read, “Behold, I make all things new”. And He said unto me, “Write: for these words are true and faithful.”

He makes all things new. Let those words sink in for a minute, He [God] makes all things new. Wow. That scripture came alive in that moment, and it was no longer words spoken to and written down by John, it was words for today spoken from my Heavenly Father to me. My God can and will make all things new, and if Him saying it wasn’t enough, He reinforces it by saying “these words are true and faithful”. I love that He said that, I love that God said that he faithfully and truly will make things new. He doesn’t leave room for us to doubt.

It was if time stopped and it was just me and God in that moment when I read His words. And in a gentle convicting and correcting way, God told me that He would make all things new for me, but before He can, I must first trust His true and faithful words. I must trust His promise that He can and will. My heart was still, I had to ask for forgiveness for not believing His true and faithful Words. I love how God will convict us in the most loving ways, very few times has this happened to me where I have felt the piercing questioning of God, but every time I do it cuts just as deep, to the core of who you are.

I need to trust God will make things new for me, how can I expect God to bring in the new if I’m being so child-like and pouting about what I had in the past, underestimating what God will do in my future? How can I be so immature and stubborn to think that the God of all creation, the Alpha and the Omega, can be so small and uncreative to not give me something even more beautiful than I once had? We must never box God in that way, for we forfeit all He wants to do in our lives by holding the past in our hearts and not allowing God’s grace to come in and cleanse and heal all the dust from the past. I must let God make things new in my heart first; I must let His love get a hold of my heart and trust Him with my future; And that means not being anxious and frustrated (Philippians 4:6), and trusting God with all my heart, not leaning on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). Then, and only then, will He have a soft and pliable heart to bless.

That day I understood what God has been trying to get my suborn heart to hear for so long; I will make all things new for you, but trust my true and faithful words first. Thank you Lord for speaking to me! Thank you for speaking when I don’t expect it. My friends, God is so full of Grace that He will speak and reveal things to us through His Spirit, and through His Word. He is in the “still small voice” and not always in the fire and wind (1 Kings 19).

So, Revelation 21:5 has now become my prayer, and I am standing on that promise and quoting it and claiming it daily, letting my Lord’s true and faithful words sink into my heart until I believe it with my soul.

Lord, I believe and trust you are big and creative enough to make all things new. I believe you will take my past and heal it, and make my future burst with your grace and loving blessings, I believe you love me enough to make me new. I love you enough to believe you.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6

~Cecily Priscilla

Most hated and most swoon worthy love songs…Ffft, purr purr, ffftt

2011-02-26T02:06:00.001-08:00

Love is such a strange and complex emotion, it’s the thing that can break your heart, and open it up in the same moment.

Millions of songs have been written about the crazy emotion known as love, both really crappy, as well as really beautiful. It’s a known fact that I am not really the biggest fan of love songs, most are just too sappy and annoying for me and make me want to commit crimes that I can’t speak of, but thankfully there are a lot of creative artistic musicians out there that have written some gorgeous love songs that I happen to adore. So, I decided to make a list of some of my most hated love themed songs, as well as my most loved. I meant to post this on Valentine’s Day (aka “I didn’t murder my boyfriend, he just happened to fall on my knife after not buying me a teddy bear that sings Elvis love songs” day) but I was busy and didn’t get to, so I’m posting it now…cuz I rock like that. Hope you enjoy! Feel free to share your lists here as well :)

Love songs that make me want to be violent

1. Lucky – Colbie Caillat and Jason Mraz (“I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend, Lucky to have been where I have been, Lucky to be coming home again, I'm lucky we're in love in every way” . Come on, no one is really that happy…ever. Yes, while you are all smitten as a fluffy white kitten about your Significant other in the beginning, trust me the feeling will wear off soon enough when they start neglecting you, lying to you, and taking you for granted, and then the only thing you’ll feel “lucky” about, is that you have a best friend who knows how to get rid of a body.)

2. ANYTHING by the Plain White T’s (“Hey there Delilah” makes me want to murder boys in skinny jeans. For heaven’s freaking sake Plain White T’s, get another emotion other than love! You are not girls! Stop being so flipping lovey dovey, your band makes me very uncomfortable and squirmy on the inside.)

3. Bubbly – Colbie Caillat (I don’t even really remember how this one goes anymore…err, something about her toes and something on her nose…it makes me want to sneeze.)

4. Anything by Vanessa Carlton (does she ever sing anymore? I hope not. I do like “Noltia Fairytale” though. Sadly though, Miss Carlton’s songs have become every googly eyed girly girl’s anthem.)

5. Truly, Madly, Deeply – Savage Garden (one word; GAY. No real man wants to stand with a girl on a mountain unless they are getting some action on that mountain…yeah, we all knew Darren Hayes was playing for the other team)

6. Anything by Sara Bareilles (excluding her song “King of Anything”, that’s actually good).

7. Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing – Aerosmith (Good Lord, how we were all tortured in ’98 with this, err, power balled??? Aerosmith is cool, but they went so wrong with this over dramatic song about wanting to basically stalk your lover…and not in that sexy hot way either, but in the “oh my, you have nothing else to live for but to watch me…creepy!!!” way. Not cool.)

8. Gardenia – Mandy Moore (“I'm the one who likes Gardenia; I'm the one who likes to make love on the floor” Awkward!!! Thank you Mandy Moore for disclosing way more info than we wanted to ever know about you. Please stop torturing us with your squeaky voice and go enjoy life with your hot husband, Ryan Adams, instead of singing about sex with him….then again, if I had a husband as hot as yours I might sing about it too…)

9. Your Body Is A Wonderland – John Mayer (“One thing I've left to do, discover me discovering you. One mile to every inch of your skin like porcelain, one pair of candy lips, and your bubble gum tongue” Ah John, you never cease to make things awkward. I got what you were going for, but you just made whatever girl (or guy?) you were writing about sound like the amazon or something. Tip to guys, if you’re going to sing about a gals body, do it in a less creepy way.)

10. Forever love (Dígame )– Anna Nalike (“Forever love, Say you'll love, Dígame, Dígame, Tell me so…” I really love Anna, she’s awesome, but this song is dumb!)

11. Haven’t Met you Yet – Michel Bubble (I hate songs that talk about being in love with someone you’ve yet to meet…it’s so cheesy and almost desperate. Do yourself a favor and wait to write a “love song” until you are actually in love with a real person, eh?)

12 . Kiss me - SixPence None The Richer (Don’t talk about kissing…just freaking do it already ;) And what’s bearded barley anyway???! Really though, cute idea for a song, and I’ll admit on like one or two days of my life I have enjoyed it, but it’s just too sappy for me. Listen to New Found Glory’s version, it’s more fun.)

13. Barlow girls – Superchick (Good song, great heart behind it. OVER PLAYED!!!)

14. Wait For Me – Rebecca St. James (I’m all for Virginity until marriage…but freakin’ please don’t sing about it, eh? Christians are famous for playing this song at EVERY WEDDING they have, no matter if the couple getting married already have 5 kids and they just strolled down the aisle with your mother in law, “what kids?” we say, “we see nothing! In fact God didn’t even see anything! You’re a VIRGIN!!!! I mean really, Christians got to stop that.)

15. Falling for you – Colbie Caillat (“I've been spending all my time Just thinking about ya, I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you”, yes Colbie freakin’ Caillat strikes again, ugh, is this girl always so freakin’ in love and happy? “Oh I just can't take it, My heart is racing, The emotions keep spinning out” ..yeah, someone needs to check her meds! )

16. God gave me you – Dave Barns (“God gave me you for the up’s and down’s, God gave me you for the days of doubt”. Blah! This song is so sappy and thankful it makes me want to throw up.)

17. Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop – Landon Pigg (Been there and done that Landon, it was hell, and your song only reminds me of that hell. Thanks.)

18. Brightly Wound – Eisley (at one point I loved this song, then a dumb boy came, along with a really bad two months of being stuck at my grandparents’ house, and now I will forever fully hate it. And that sucks because it’s actually a great song. If I hear it though, I end up wanting want to punch people.)

Love songs that make me all happy and melty in my little strange heart

1. Closer – Nine Inch Nails (Don’t listen if you get offended easily! Lol. Basically, in nicer terms, this song is all about wanting to sleep with someone. I don’t endorse the message, but dang, the music makes me hella melt! Mmmm, soo sweetly and horribly amazing!)

2. Does This Inspire You? – Dies (“Dies” is the industrial side project of Josh Dies, lead vocalist of Showbread. This song is pretty much the moral version of “Closer”, in that it is a “wedding night song” written from a husband to his wife. Think Songs of Solomon. Seriously, this is how you write a love song guys! Take note! The lyrics are not smutty, but steamy and beautiful, filled with love and respect. Just listen and be swooned. “Your heart, it palpitates and spins, your organs dance and sing within, your ribs, they spread like ivory towers, my bride, my love, this night is ours”)

3. Oh! Emetophobia – Showbread (“Dance with me baby, I want to hear your voice, if I didn’t want to fall for you I never had a choice”. This is the song I will play at my wedding someday! A rockin’ and dancy tune about finding the person you love and how they make you feel alive…and Josh screams in it…*swoons* I love boys who can scream me a gritty love song )

4. There Is A Light That Never goes out – The Smiths or Anberlin (a morbid song about how you love being with someone so much that dying together would be beautiful. I love how peacefully morbid and dark this song is, sung by Anberlin, or by The Smiths, it is sure to make you want to find a truck to run into with your lover…don’t do that please, I am kidding. Suicide is not romantic kids…:)

5. I Will Possess Your Heart – Death Cab For Cutie (Ah, a song that makes me feel like stalking my crush and tying him to a chair in my basement and keeping him there until he realizes he loves me…oh, how romantic am i )

6. Not Alone – Sanctus Real (this song has a lot of meaning to me…”You are not alone; know that I will fight the tide to be together”. Real love does not run when it sees danger, it fights.)

7. Everlong - Foo Fighters (Who doesn’t think this song is one FF’s best songs ever?!?! When this song comes on I go to another place, it’s just so intense, and brings a flood of emotions…I love it)

8. Silver Springs – by Stevie Nicks, covered by Stacey Dupree, Jeremy Larson, and Darin King (this one is sad and somber…written about a lost love, and how you could have been loved them and been their everything, but they wouldn’t let you. And since you can’t be with them, you will haunt them and follow them forever, “you will never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you”.)

9. We Mapped The World – Joy Williams (a whimsy tune that will make you want to be whisked away with the one you love to beautiful adventures.)

10. Drumming Song – Florence and the Machine (I adore this song! The intensity and urgency in Florence’s voice, as well as the music, makes this one epic! “There’s a drumming noise inside my head and starts when you’re around, I swear that you can hear it, it makes such an almighty sound”)

11. Simple As It Should Be – Tristan Prettyman (“Put your hands to my hands, put your knees to my knees, put your eyes to my eyes, come on baby complement me” This song embodies my philosophy on love….when true, love is not all confusing and dramatic, it’s easy and free flowing, it’s “Simple as it should be”)

12. Volcano – Damien Rice (Oh Damien Rice, how your voice and music swoon me! This song can make you feel, I mean really feel. It’s oh so sultry and tortured…love it! “Don't throw yourself like that In front of me, I kissed your mouth your back, Is that all you need. Don't drag my love around, Volcanoes melt me down”)

13. This Will Make You Love Again – IAMX (I was introduced to this song by a friend back in December, and from the second I heard it, it became one of my most favorite songs. There’s a point in all our lives where we need something to make us love again, this song expresses that in a very emotional and deep, sultry way. “Every touch is sacred, when they leave the room, If have to switch the lights off, I wanna switch them off with you. This will make you love again. This will make you love again”)

14. Sweet and Low – Augustana (“…But no one’s giving up quite yet, we've got too much to lose. Hold me down, sweet and low little girl, Hold me down, sweet and low and I will carry you home” This song makes me feel so happy and relaxed, Dan Layus’s voice is just so sexy and gorgeous, and the lyrics are full of so much meaning… )

15. # 1 Crush – Garbage (“I will burn for you, feel pain for you, I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart, I'll tear it apart” Hells yeah baby, morbid dark love is so hot and romantic…*swoon, purr*)

16. Goodnight and Go –Imogen Heap (“Why’d you have to be so cute, it’s impossible to ignore you, must you make me laugh so much…” this song makes me so happy :)

17. Love Fool – The Cardigans (“Love me, love me, say that you love me. Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me” Such a fun little tune to go around singing at the top of your lungs)

18. Reflecting Light – Sam Philips (“Looking through the night, and the moon's never seen me before, But I'm reflecting light” I sweetly beautiful song that makes you feel all warm and happy inside…it just feels special)

19. George Romero Will Be At Our Wedding – Showbread (Showbread’s tribute to George Romero’s horror movies, this song is about love that does not die; “I don’t believe that love can rot away , so first aim for the heart then aim for the head. If true love lasts forever then love doesn’t die, it just becomes the living dead”)

20. Heart Shaped Box – Nirvana (“She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak, I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for a week. I was drawn into your magnet tar-pit trap; I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black” ‘nuff said yo )

21. Poison and Wine – The Civil Wars (“You only know what I want you to. I know everything you don't want me to. Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine. You think your dreams are the same as mine. Oh I don't love you, but I always will.” This song pretty much describes my past relationship, but fortunately I love it for better reasons lol, like the fact that it is so enchanting and mysterious. )

22. One Fine Day – The Chiffons (“One fine day you'll look at me, and then you'll know our love was meant to be. One fine day you're gonna want me for your girl” Who doesn’t love this fun and happy song??! )

Honorable mentions:

Follow You Into The Dark – Death Cab For Cutie

Follow Through – Gavin Degraw

Heart Beats – Hose Gonzalez

Flightless Bird, American Mouth – Iron and Wine

~Cecily Priscilla

A heart with no nets…

2011-02-13T00:05:00.001-08:00

Have you ever been to a place in life where you are empty…blank…free? That’s where I am, that is where my heart is right now; free, empty, a blank canvas, an open field…just waiting to be filled with life and fresh newly grown wildflowers of spring. This is the first time in my life I am not holding onto anything in my heart, no anger, hurt, vices, love, memories, depression, insecurities, addictions…nothing.

And it is terrifying and wonderful at the same time. Being empty is scary, it throws you off. It can chill your spine, the thought of being free…you are walking the tightrope without a net. You are void, and the fear is that there will be nothing to fill you up. Nothing will come. You will become numb. You will never feel again.

But, being free is so sweet, so lovely, and so magically beautiful. You have room, room to breathe, to stop and feel, to be quiet and pause. You have space for new things to bloom; you have openness for love and dreams. Your heart is open, and your soul is ready for receiving…receiving from God, and from others.

My heart is so empty right now, but empty in the best most gloriously painful and beautiful way. It doesn’t hurt, it just feels like growing. It feels like healing. It feels like freedom.

People have always told me that I am a free spirit, I always laughed at that statement, but honestly, it’s true; I long to be free, I have a fire on the inside of me that longs to burn with abandon. Yet, my soul longs to be weightless, as fee as the birds in the sky, soaring and gliding in the sunshine.

A friend once told me that I was a butterfly, but I was just waiting on my wings to grow. He was correct. He helped me grow my wings by holding my hand and helping me smile again…and also by hurting me, and leaving me. He opened my heart, but when he left it caved in with memories of the summer breeze that was us.

Healing from that was a long and hard road, I never want to walk it again…God was my oxygen then, for that took the breath from my lungs, and it took quite a while to get it back. I almost feel like I have been in the process of getting that breath back since then…healing takes time, because even when we have been released of love, there are still issues, insecurities, and pain of loss that have to find their resting place.

I have been healing and letting go of that, among many other things, for quite a while. But during that time, of course, life brought other things to hold to…I traded one love for another, one dream for the idea and hope of others….and so on.

I have always held onto something, whether it is a person, vice, pain, or dream…I have always had a “plan” in my back pocket, a plan of my own to get by. I have always had a nice little net. And I believe that God had given me some of those “nets” to get me by and give me hope and smiles, but I also know for a fact that I created a lot of them on my own.

Now, I find myself with no nets, they have all broken into pieces. Doors have shut. Things have been halted. My air feels stale and thick. I have no dream to cling to, for nothing feels right or timely. And I find myself having to be careful not to fall into numbness and apathy, because I know this time, this time of broken nets, is grace from my Heavenly Father. I read once that living in faith “enjoys God's ability to create”. It true, for every time we are empty, we walk in faith that God is creating new things to fit into our hearts. He is the Creator after all, He created you and all you see, the heavens and the earth, the bright sparkling stars and the crashing waves….how much more can He create in your life if you just believe in faith that He is doing something when you feel nothing?

This time of emotional freedom is a gift from my Lord, a signal to slow down and regroup, an invitation to step into His presence and bask and absorb His great love. This is the growing time. I am holding onto nothing. My heart is free. My heart, which has been so bound by chains for most of my life, is free. What beauty there is in freedom from dreams, because it is then God is able to create new dreams, new memories, and new experiences, with His hand print on them. Halleluiah. I am an open empty vessel, may my Lord fill me.

I am not sad about this emptiness, no, I am so happy! This is what I have been waiting for…I am so open, and there is room in my heart for so many new things! I am just waiting on my Jesus to bring them, to bring the new people, new opportunities, new feelings, and new adventures (I love adventures with my King!). How beautiful will the new be! Oh, who glorious will my heart feel when I am able to let the new in without fear and shadows of my past.

Praise the Almighty God, for He makes all things new, so Lord, make this girls heart new, for she seeking you, waiting for you to fill her. Yeshua, I know you are the only one who can fill me.

“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” - Isaiah 43:18-19

“And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” – Revelations 21:5

~Cecily Priscilla

Beautiful you…:)

2011-02-05T04:53:00.001-08:00

Over the last few weeks I have become very secure in my body. This is very odd and new to me because I have always struggled with body image.

But as of late, I have started to love my curves. I have come to delight in my shape, I mean, I have friggin hips baby, and I like it! ;)I like not looking like my bones are protruding from my skin. I like looking like a woman.

I guess I always have had some issues with weight, my mom and aunts have pretty much been on a constant diets since I can remember, so emphases on a small waist has always been there. Salads at pizza hut and turkey sandwiches and diet coke were the norm around my family. I was talking to my cousin the other night about this; it seems to have affected her a little as well, growing up always being pushed to diet. I guess in some ways it made me very insecure, very fearful of food. I still am I suppose. I really have a small appetite and I hate feeling full…and plus I’m so picky when it comes to food, that I don’t eat all that much. But when do I am most of the time very fearful of the calories. I hate that. I want to be able to eat without worrying about gaining a few pounds. I suppose there is some deeper insecurity there, but those are to be explored at another time.

I have always looked younger for my age, and some of that had to do with the baby fat I had from ages 12-16. I dropped some weight at 16, but still felt completely out of proportion. Then at 19 I dropped the last lingering pounds, going down about 6 sizes, and it gave me the self-confidence I had always lacked. I came into myself as a young woman.

But, I’ll admit I was a little too on the frail looking side at that time. I wasn’t sick looking, but the boney look made me seem very little girl-ish.

That was at 19. I’m now just a few months from being twenty two. I have grown so much emotionally, mentally, and spiritually in the last few years. I have been through so many hurricanes and from those have come new depth in my soul and heart.

I do not feel like a little girl anymore, I am not. I am a woman. So I should look like one, as well as feel like one.

My body has changed in the last year, I have been taking better care of it, or at least I’m trying to, and I think that has done it good. I am proud.

I am thin, but I am not bones. I am curves, but not bulk. I like it. I like feeling womanly. I like having a shape. I like having hips that are wider and thighs and legs that are strong (still have dancer legs, hells yeah, thank you pop music and childhood dance parties, ha). I like the little curve in my back, and my defined collar bones. I like my arms that I’ve always obsessed over getting just perfect being a little shapely and that being enough.

I just love myself the way I am, and the way I look. I walk into rooms feeling beautiful, sultry, sassy and lovely!

Surprisingly this thinking was all spurred by a comment a friend made to me the other week; we were discussing eating healthier when she said that i looked good, and that i didn't have to worry about my weight'. She told me that i looked healthy and i had a nice shape to me.And just like that, for some reason at that moment her sweet and kind words made me think “dang, i do have a nice shape! Why didn't i see this before?!”

And, i also have the fortune of having one hell of an amazing guy friend who always tells me I'm beautiful and i don’t need to worry about things like that…i hope he knows how much his words and love help :)

And while i don’t look to people to validate me and give me beauty (only my Creator can do that), those words of confirmation helped me see that having a shape and curves are more attractive than having your bones sticking out.

This is something I never thought I would ever feel. And it feels so wonderful and freeing!

It has also been great to eat a little more than I normally do and still feel okay with myself. Praise God!!

I’m getting older, and i am making a lot of changes in my life style, in the way I treat myself and the way I look. It feels good.

I feel happy in my skin. I feel happy in my body. This is the beginning of a beautiful new healthy state of mind :)

~ Cecily Priscilla

Dark and Light

2011-02-01T18:07:00.001-08:00

We walked into the dark, held hands through the pain. We saw the scars, and went down to the depths to find out the cure. It would be dark, but we would be better. The dark would bring out The Lights’ truth.

But love, half way down the tunnel you dropped my hand, and I realized your darkness would never end. I called to you, but you never answered, you were too blinded by the veils of black surrounding your eyes and soul. Love, they were holding you, the veils of gray and black, they had you tied and you noticed not. You delighted in their covering, you were fascinated by their tinting of your world; they reminded you of how your soul looks, you longed for the familiar so you let them be your friend, and soon your lover.

You liked the danger, you liked the seduction. You were sweetly lured in by the soft black cadence of the sounds and motions of her fingertips. You swayed in time with the smoke, and the way it blew and swirled. You liked the taste of the bitter in your mouth. The way it lingered on your tired tongue, the way it loosened your scared jaw. You liked the touch of empty false hands. The unattached kiss of lust, her lips have known many, and she let you know her the way you wanted to know me. You liked the mirage she created for your scattered mind. You liked to think of me, the way she let you have her.

Your sweet blue -green eyes, they went black with every screen lit night, with every secret glance of the unknown body, with every thought of the false forbidden. She is not real.

Your black veil is not real. My sweet love, oh how I longed to bring your heart back to mine; the dark would have fight on its hands, for I would never leave you, the man I loved, alone in the black, caught in the veil.

But you didn’t want my help. You bit my hand when it reached for you. You silenced my voice when it called for you. I wanted to hold you in my safe arms. You wanted to be held, and bound, by the dark.

So I left you there, you gave me no choice. For we followed each other into the dark that night, but the promise was to never stay there; there was to be daylight and sunrise on the new dawn’s horizon.

But the dark was too dark for me, I saw light and I knew I could have it. I saw light and I knew it was waiting for me. The sunrise wanted to warm my heart, it wanted to free me. I was made to dance in the sun rays.

So I left you in the dark, for it was too dead for life to grow.

I have let The Light grow me.

~Cecily Priscilla

Coffee and Boys – A Bitter Drink of Bad Memories

2011-01-31T02:39:00.001-08:00

The other day my sister and I were discussing coffee and our favorite drinks from Starbucks, when I got to thinking about the one drink I can’t bring myself to order again…a drink that, Lord help me, unfortunately reminds me of…my ex. Ugh! What drink is this you ask?

The lovely and oh so addicting, Caramel Frappuccino.

It all started one summer night in 2009, when i fell for a Starbucks employee with tight jeans and a Dave Grohl complex.

(imagine this is my ex…just with hair and skinny jeans…and white skin…this guys is hotter though)

This is what my ex really looked like

(Okay, okay, I'm done…it’s so fun though!)

He was scruffy and had great taste in music and books, and his err “hugs” made me melt. Plus he liked cats. I thought he was pretty swell.

Obviously this was before his true colors surfaced and his selfishness and pure stupidity and jerkiness came out…no, I’m not bitter, I’m just honest.

Anyway, one day Starbucks boy and I spent the day together in Dallas. Boy lived in Arlington, so I was staying with my cousin and her husband in Ft. Worth for a couple days to visit with him. When boy picked me up in the morning to hang, he texted me and asked if I wanted coffee, I said yes and told him to pick me something. He then brought me what went down as the YUMMIEST Caramel frap I have ever tasted in my life! (It looked exactly like the picture above! Hells yeah! Now you know why i thought i loved him)

Seeing as boy was a seasoned employee at the corporate coffee store known as Starbucks, he knew how to make the drinks taste like freakin heaven, and told the “barista” to make mine with lots and lots of caramel and toffee nut syrup. Boy would tell the “barista” to swirl the caramel in and all around the drink, leaving this thing dipping in thick, sweet, gooey caramel goodness! I mean like even the freakin straw and cup were dipping out the caramel! And don’t get me started on the toffee nut syrup! Pure heaven! :)

I had that same drink three times while we visited together those days. They were sweet days. I, much to my detriment, realized I loved him while sitting with him outside of his store at night drinking that dang caramel frap, looking in his eyes and seeing God radiate through him (Ha!) as he told me he saw the same in me (hence the reason I hate Landon Pig’s song “Falling In Love At a Coffee Shop lol).

Really, I blame the drink for the love feeling…too much sugar can do odd things to the heart.

We went our very, very separate ways later on. It hurt and gave me very vindictive thoughts about punching him, egging his car…and many other violent un-Christian things. Then I realized “whoa, he was dumb! I can do wayyyy better!” and I became stronger and wiser and moved on to happiness and lots good things…cuz I deserve them :)

And while my heart has completely moved on, my taste buds and sense of smell has not. I have not ordered the caramel frap since we split.

Tragic isn’t it?

For a long time I could not go near a Starbucks; it felt too much like him. I would see a Starbucks employee and I would want to punch and bite them. (mmm, barista blood…)I hated the color green.

Then one day I was in Brenham with my cousin’s and their friend, and we all went and sat at a Starbucks. I actually felt comfortable there. I didn’t feel like i wanted to jump out of my skin. I wasn’t hyper ventilating so I thought “hey this must be progress!”. I like progress.

Then, it was my turn to order…panic flashed through my soul. What would I tell the coffee lady I wanted to drink? I could not order the Caramel Frappuccino of heart stabbing love! So I turned to my cousin’s husband, who earlier had told me about the drink he usually orders, and asked him to repeat the drink name to me. He said “White Mocha, get it iced.” So I turned to the lady and said “I’ll take a Tall Iced White Mocha, please”.

And the rest was history. The Iced White Mocha became my drink. It’s yummy sweet indulgence, with an espresso kick, and I love it. It’s the prefect pick me up for bad days, and I love ordering it after class when I’m running on just a couple hours of sleep and stressed; it makes me smile :) Thanks to my cousin’s husband I could return to drinking coffee at Starbucks.

Never the less, while I can now go to and enjoy Starbucks, I still have yet to order the Caramel Frap again. During the conversation had with my sister we discussed this, and she made me realize that I should never let a dumb boy’s stupid actions take my coffee enjoyment away. After all, I didn’t do anything wrong in our friendship/relationship, so why should I suffer?

So, upon this big life altering revelation, I decided it is now time to face my fear and broken memories, and drink the Caramel Frappuccino again, and make new, happier, and longer lasting memories with its yummy goodness.

My sister and I are planning on sharing one this week after my class. I’ll let you know how it goes, ha! Stay tuned ;)

~Oh, and a little closing disclaimer; if you (yes you Starbucks boy) ever see this blog, which I very much doubt you ever will, but if you do, then you might find it to be kind of amusing and kind of creepy; which is cool, because that’s how I think of you. Yays we’re even :D ~

~ Cecily Priscilla

Top 5 Most Stylish Women in Christian Music

2011-01-24T17:31:00.001-08:00

Bonjour lovely friends! Let’s talk style this week shall we? I’m a big believer in rockin what you got (Superchick reference), and never being afraid to go all out in expressing yourself and showing your personality with your style and clothing. I for one love tutus and I will rock one whenever and wherever I want, yo! (I once wore my pink and black tutu skirt to my church’s state convention, ha). So I love people are just as un-afraid and bold in their style as aspire to be. And it is no secret that music has always had a very profound effect on fashion, from the way Nirvana ushered in the grunge/”whoa with the plaid” look, to the way Brittney Spears had every girl showing her navel (scary!), music and fashion has always gone hand in hand. So I wanted to take some time to recognize the artists whose fearless style inspires me, and who I take cues and ideas from to create my own look. This week we are highlighting the top 5 women who, in my opinion, have some of the best style in Christian music. Please feel free to share your favorite stylish artists, and how they have influenced your look :)

Sherri Dupree Bemis of the band Eisley

Sherri is a singer/guitarist for the sibling band Eisley, and her style is just as whimsy and intriguing as her band’s beautiful music! The best thing about Sherri’s style is that she is very artsy and creative with her look, almost merging the fantasy world with the hipster chic, if that’s even possible lol. Sherri, who is also an amazing photographer, takes the most enchanting photos showing off her off-beat and eccentric personality through her outfits, makeup and hair.

Speaking of hair, Miss Sherri has, like myself, been a pink head before!

High fives Sherri, we colored haired girls got to stick together! Sherri’s style shows personality and creativity, she writes a story with her look, and it says that she has a story in her mind that she’s living out in her own way, in her own land. And, by listening to Eisley’s music, you get a little peak inside that enchanted world.

Make sure to check out Sherri’s Flicker page for more of her incredible shots!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/photostoshare1/

Lacey Mosley of the band Flyleaf

Lacey has to be one of the most authentic rocker chicks out there! I love seeing how she pairs girly dresses with jeans for a live performance, a very creative way to prove that you can be a girl and rock out on stage at the same time!

Her style is grungy – girly awesomeness all rolled up in one hardcore package! Personally this is my favorite style at the moment, so I’ve been very inspired by Lacey lately. Lacey also sports fun dresses in photo shoots; just look at Flyleaf’s most recent promo shots to see her in a cute tea-length vintage black dress, hat, and some awesome shoes! So classy!

To sum up Lacey’ style, I would use three words; Classy rocker girl! Rock on Lacey! :)

Tiffany Arbuckle, AKA Plumb

Tiffany Arbuckle, AKA Plumb ,is one fearless chica when it comes to style! In 2007 she sported a rockin Mohawk that got her some flack, but Tiffany didn’t falter, she sported the ‘do anyway despite what others thought of it. You go girl!

Aside from the Mohawk, if you look back at Tiffany’s style over the past 10 years she’s been in music, the woman has always had a knack for bringin the out there and in your face fashion. In photo shoots and promo’s Tiffany will often wear big poufy gothic dresses, colorful makeup, and always has her hair looking fierce!

And live, Plumb is just as adamant about expressing her style; when Krystal and I went to a show of hers in 2007 she was preggers with her son Oliver and looked as stunning as ever in a maroon top, and awesome gold platforms! This woman is one of my style heroes! :)

Lee Marie of the band Children 18:3

Lee Marie is the bassist of the punk sibling trio Children 18:3. Lee Marie is a total punk rock chick for sure; Ripped jeans, shredded and patched jackets, and arm warmers. I love it! Lee Marie is very creative in her clothing and style, one of my favorite things about her is the hearts she wears under her eyes (very Miss Angie reminiscent), it’s so whimsy! I tend to draw stars under my eyes, so it’s nice to know I’m not the only one! Ha ;)

This girl screams her personality with her clothing, it just says “Hey, I rock. And yeah, I know it”, ha, exactly what every girl should think of herself! ;)

Krystal Meyers

Krystal Meyers has come a long way from her teen age years of jeans, T-shirts and Vans. Around the release of her third album “Make Some Noise” in 2008, Krystal’s style took on a more mature and polished look, increasing in style and trendiness (the good kind of trendiness that is) along the way. I love how Krystal pares skinny jeans with cute tops and jackets, and she even rocks a fedora and other awesome head wear from time to time.

Krystal’s style is what I would call rock chic, and it is very wearable for every day, making it easy to take cues from her and work them into your own look.

Well, that’s all for this week friends! Come back and visit us next time as we’ll be spotlighting the top 5 stylish guys in Christian music! (All the girls say “Yeeaahh!”). Cheers rocking friends! Never be afraid to show the world who you are through your style, and how you carry yourself! Meow!

2010 in review – A year of change, growth, and happiness (Part 2)

2011-01-15T18:48:00.001-08:00

August:

No special event really happened in August, it was more of a somber and difficult month for me. I was seeking direction from God and I was pretty confused as to why my plans were falling down around me. Late July was hard and I was still recovering from it, and then August hit and I was down for the count. I had no dreams, no plans, and no desire for anything other than just to feel okay again. I felt empty and lonely; it was a very hard time. But, the thing I didn’t know at the time was that sometimes God has to empty your dreams out of your heart so He can have room for His to come in like a beautiful rescuing rain and restore your ground again. I was only empty so He could fill me. But before we get to how he did that, let’s go through the things that did happen in August..

1. I dyed my hair purple for the first time. I’ve been pink on and off for going on three years, and always wanted to try other colors but didn’t want to really mess with what was working lol, but I needed change and so I went for the purple…and guess what? It rocks, baby! lol ;)

2. I got my nose pierced! Hells yeah! I had wanted my nose pierced for years but had been stalling, so when Crystal and i went to stay with Pam in Victoria for some hang out time I decided it was the perfect moment! It was the piercing that hurt the worst so far, it wasn’t that bad, but it did hurt and made my eyes water lol. I went In the Skin in Victoria like I always have; they’ve never let me down, they have a top notch staff that makes you feel comfortable and know what they are doing! Plus they are clean! I love getting pierced! Seriously its right up there with going to concerts and playing with kittens lol, it’s just so freeing to put a pretty hole in your body whenever the heck you want to, and just the whole experience is just excited and relaxing at the same time lol. I love my nose piercing so much! I used to be very, very, self-conscious when it came to my nose…thanks to some crappy people; I hated it so much I wanted surgery. But, over the years I came to better love myself for who I am and how I look. God as shown me that He thinks I am beautiful and I feel it. I love myself the way I am. I am happy with the way I look, so I decided to get a pretty little nose stud to accentuate my beauty :)

(me with my new purple and pink hair, and nose piercing )

3. I time traveled and left lost love behind, never to look back :)

September:

On September 21^st I started Destiny Bible Institute at Faith Family Church in Victoria.

Oh, wow, what a new experience! Ha, my first time in a class room setting since 1^st grade (I was homeschooled from then on, don’t ya know), freaked the cats out of me! But, thankfully, I was met by some awesomely sweet people, who were gracious enough to answer my questions and give me copies of their notes since I enrolled late. I’ve grown to love Studio 45, the room we have class in, and I love my chair at the end of the table. It’s funny because we all have our specific seats we sit in…I like the people I sit next to :)

The first day I was met by Miss Beth, the woman who handles the DBI stuff, she hugged me and let me tell you, I needed that hug right then! Lol. She’s a sweetheart, and if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t be in the DBI day classes like I am now, see because It was so late into the trimester she was only going to be able to enroll me in the night classes, which are once a week and an older crowd. I prayed about it, and the next morning Miss Beth calls me and tells me she was thinking about it and felt that I would do really well in the day classes and she would work it out to where I could enroll. Praise God for women like her!

I am so fond of the students I go to class with, such incredible people…all so dedicated to learning and growing in God, so encouraging to see! I love it!! The first person I met was a sweet guy wearing some awesome “hipster glasses” ha, and right then I knew I could hang with this crowd ;) I have had such a great time getting to know these people little by little, getting to hear their thoughts and stories…the random ones, as well as the deeper ones, and chatting during breaks, in the hall after class, and having lunch :) I sincerely hope to get to know them better as time goes on :)

As for the teachers, can we say anointed?! God has seriously used each of the teachers in my life, each with their own unique way of teaching; they have blessed me so much. I have learned so much through these classes so far that it is hard to put it into words, it has been the most eye opening, challenging, healing, growing, tough, experience in my life…and there is so much more to come (kind of scares me! lol). One day soon I’ll go back over all I have learned in my classes here in my blog, but for now, I will just say that I am so much better off for DBI, and I know that God has placed me here for a reason…not too sure what the reason is yet, but in His time I’m sure I will find out :) I graduate June 8^th 2011 :)

(the place at the table i always sit at in class)

November:

In November I “preached” my first “sermon’” in class lol. We had a Communication Class and had to prepare and give a 15 minute sermon in front of the class and our teacher…I was so freaking nervous! lol. Public speaking has never freaked me out, I don’t mind getting up and speaking, just as long as I know what I am speaking about and feel comfortable. Preaching and bible related speaking has never been my area of comfort though; I tend to feel like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. But, God was truly with me that day and I got up there and spoke the words God put on my heart, and guess what?! My teacher said I didn’t even seem nervous! Lol Fun! My sermon was on Hebrews 3:18-19, and was titled “A heart of unbelief”, I had so much help from my dad and really my whole family on this lol. It may seem funny, but that class really tried me, it stretched the boundaries of who I thought I was and who God wants me to be…I really had to rely on God’s strength. Through that class God brought a lot things into my heart, like speaking in public forums someday about relationships, dating, and emotional issues, I really feel like that’s somewhere God wants to put me in the future, and I hope to be ready for it when it comes. Also, the “sermon” gave me a little way to express myself in class, I’m normally pretty quiet in a class setting and it takes me a long time to open up; the sermon kind of helped me to show my heart a little better.

Random note: I wore my Nirvana top to preach in…it helped me feel like me :)

December:

December I got to have my wonderful friends Amanda and Amber come stay at my house for the first time! I loved, loved, loved, and having those girls in my home and showing them my church and my small town! They came on Friday the 17, and Crys and I had the pleasure of cooking them a meal, I love cooking for my friends, it makes my heart so happy! We chatted around the table and ate; we took a walk at the bay and took some pictures. Later that night we decorated some sugar cookies that I had made the batter for earlier, it was so fun being in the kitchen together! We then exchanged presents while sitting by the Christmas tree, and then relaxed and watched Inception (The Oliver girls brought it lol :). The next morning we all had lunch together before the girls had to leave; we went to the Firehouse Grill in El Campo and ate on their rooftop patio, it was so cold and sunny lol, and the waiter took forever with the food, but we still had a lovely lunch together…I seriously wish we could have lunch dates more often…I love my friends so much! After the meal, which actually was really good (except for the side salad and garlic toast lol), we took pictures in front of Wal-Mart before the girls went on their way lol…Wal-Mart is the store of friends! Ha ;p

(Crystal, Amanda and I standing in the bay pavilion)

(The pretty cookies we decorated! Yum!)

(Amanda, me, and Amber standing outside of Wal-Mart before the girls left, ha! Random!)

It was a great time for us all, and it definitely made my Christmas season! I’m not really a holiday kind of girl, so having my favorite people around me during the “joyful season”, makes it so much better! Can’t wait to do it again :)

~So, wow, ha, that’s my 2010 in review! It was a year so filled with pain and joy and change, and it was so hard and trying, but God was with me through it all…and I mean through it ALL! I had to confront a lot of things last year, and I had to come clean, God’s grace was truly sufficient! Praise God! Thank you my sweet and loving, ever strong God for getting me through 2010 and making it beautiful! I can’t wait to see what You have in store for me this year, 2011! Let’s go on this journey together, I am Yours my Savoir! This year is dedicated to You; use me for Your glory! I am Your servant. When I’m walking with You, only lovely possibilities await me…:)

~Cecily Priscilla

2010 in review – A year of change, growth and happiness (Part 1)

2011-01-15T18:33:00.001-08:00

Ah, it is half way through the first month of the new year friends, 2011 is in full swing…how lovely :) I’m so ready to see what God has for me this year, what plans and trips and friends He has, what dreams He wants to plant. But before i completely dive into blogging about this years events, i feel it is only right to go over what happened in 2010. It was a very eventful year for me, i feel like i was in constant motion in some way or another; it was a very complex yet simple year, and i always want to remember it, for it was vital to me. So, here is in order, part one of my review of the notable events that took place in my 2010. I hope you enjoy reading along :) Cheers to the passage of time!

January:

January was greeted by the first concert of the year; Red, Pillar, The Wedding, and Me in Motion. The show was held at The Riverside Multiplex in Victoria, a gritty local rock venue, which looks way snazzier on the inside than it does on the outside lol. The show was incredible! It was mine and Crystal’s first time seeing any of the 4 bands, and they rocked the place! Red was my favorite of night; so electric and intense! Their songs “Let Go” and “Death of Me” had a very emotional meaning for me that night, and singing them out in a packed sweaty crowd was amazing! Great way to start the year, I say!

(Rawk fists in the air for Red!)

March:

In March i spent a few days up in Brenham to visiting my cousins, and seeing their church. At the time I was checking into the churches school of ministry, so I sat in on a class and got to meet and have lunch with the students. Such wonderful people, and they embraced me so sweetly! I had a great time getting to know them for the short while I was there. That night I went to my first “Tailgate Party” that the church was holding at Blinn College, it was freezing outside! But there were Smores and a big fire pit so that helped :) I had a fun getting to laugh and talk, and just hang out with the many different people there that night. I made some new awesome friends in the process, definitely worth standing out in the cold! Thanks to my cousin Brittany for talking my anti-social self into staying for the whole party lol :)

(hanging by someone’s truck with my cousin Robert Kyle and others at the tailgate party…i look cold lol.)

While in Brenham I had the chance to spend the day with my awesome cousin, Robert Kyle, who I don’t get to see very often, we took in some lunch and a movie (Alice in Wonderland), and toured his town, it was lovely :) I so miss getting to hang with him, he’s awesome :) That night, which was a Friday, we went to see a band, Jesus Culture, on the Campus Awakening Tour held at a church in Bryan. What a service! I had never felt the power of God so strong than I did in that night! I’m not used to worship services that are that Holy Spirit led! I remember a moment in the service where the band had us hold hands with the people next to us and pray for them, I was standing next to my cousin Robert Kyle and his friend Kayla, so we took each other’s hands and prayed…it felt like a special moment. And there were many special moments that night, like feeling the Holy Spirit’s presence while the band jammed an almost reggae groove at the end of the night. But the moment I will remember the most is when I received a word from God…now, I don’t really do the whole “God told me to tell you this” thing, but this was in line with what God had been placing in my heart for months, and it checked out scripturally. In short, during the service I asked God that if there was something He wanted to tell me, that he would let someone come up to me, as opposed to me going up and getting prayer for “a word”, like everyone else was. God answered my prayer, and in turn, changed my life and way of thinking; it brought me to life again. And when I’m losing perspective I remind myself of what God said to me that night. I needed that Word, and I needed those days in Brenham, my heart had been so tired and hard, and it needed refreshing, and praise God, thanks to my cousin and her husband for inviting me and opening up their home to me, I got that.

A couple weeks later that month, thanks to my cousins, the Brenham church came to my church and blessed us by sprucing up our church! They painted, and decorated, and repaired things…all while singing songs and smiling, yeah, they rock. They created us a rockin black youth room, gave our plain dining room walls a bright sunny color, and gave our church a little kick start. I got to help make lunch for them while they worked, and as funny as it sounds I loved it, because it allowed me to in a small way bless them back. We had one incredible service the night before they left, with my cousin’s husband leading worship, and their church praying prayers over us, it was beautiful and so special. I think one of the most special things is when family members pray over you, and when you are surround by whole church with their arms extend out to you blessing you; it was a lovely moment.

(dinning hall with some fresh sunny paint!)

(Rockin youth room!)

April:

April is the month of The Rock and Worship Road Show

In April I went with Crystal, our parents, and Pam to The Rock and Worship Road Show in Dallas, this was the second year we all went, and it’s become a kind of a tradition we all have to go to the tour when it stops in Dallas. What an awesome and beautiful show that night! God really showed up that night; I felt His presence so strong I was just in awe! The lineup was MercyMe, David Crowder, Family Force 5, Francesca Battistelli, and Fee; with such an eclectic mix of artistes you ended up switching between dancing your tail off (Family Force 5 baby!), to lifting your hands and swaying in worship…all the ingredients for my perfect night :) This was a hard show for me in all honesty; the show the year before was very special…it was the reason I fell in love, so going again this year, and being out of that love and still hurt from it, was very emotional. But, God made that night a night of joy and peace for me, I had a blast dancing my somberness away, and I said a peaceful resolute “Goodbye” during an acapella rendition of “Amazing Grace” led by MercyMe and the thousands of people in the stadium. It was beautiful.

The next morning before leaving Dallas we went and found what is now all us girls’ favorite spots, Society Bakery, and Opening Bell Coffee. Love these places! Society has the best most decadent cupcakes I have tasted! Their moist and fluffy cake and thick and creamy frosting makes them stand out from all the rest! Their peanut butter cupcake was like heaven and I could have eaten five in a row! It’s a small place, but very warm and quant, where quality is huge and the baked goods, as well as the staff, are sweet! Opening bell is the very epitome of “indie coffee shop” in the best way! Down in the basement of a building, the atmosphere is cozy, vintage, and very indie and almost grunge. Board games, sofas, local music for sale, an intimate stage and the great music playing (M.I.A baby!) made us swoon, and the coffee is…BETTER THAN STARBUCKS! I said it yo! Their sandwiches rock cats as well! (Spicy chicken salad!)

May:

In May I turned 21! I was blessed enough to get to spend the anniversary of my birth with my family and my best friend and her family in my favorite city; Austin, Texas baby!

Austin is the city I would choose to be in everyday of my life, so naturally I wanted to be there for my birthday, and the city did not disappoint! (It never does darling :) My friend Amanda’s sister, Amber, was having a graduation ceremony the day before my birthday so we went to Austin a day earlier so we could attend the celebration. What a beautiful event it was, and i was so honored to be able to share in it!

The Next day for my birthday my family and I spent the day in Austin with Amanda, Amber, and their parents, so fun to have both family’s together! We started the day by going to a little cupcakery/bakery called Sugar Mama’s Bake Shop and getting some yummy cupcakes, and admiring the cute retro décor! We then went on to the Botanical Gardens and took some time to explore the beautiful flowers and plants, and take advantage of the scenery by snapping some shots of us all. Then it was on to Zilkler Park where we enjoyed a sweet and relaxing picnic; my parents bought a little chocolate cake from the grocery store so I wouldn’t miss out on a actually birthday cake lol, and Amanda and Amber presented me with the cutest little pink cupcake journal, and a sweet and beautiful cupcake painting that Amber did herself…I love them both so much!

After our picnic Amanda’s parents found out they were having a play on the other side of the park, so we all decided to walk on over. It was a free production of A Mid-Summer Night’s Dream set to 60’s music! How whimsy and fun! We all enjoyed sitting in the grass taking in all the people who with their hippy style looked so Austin! Lol. The play was incredible and entertaining, the music and costumes were so lovely and rocking! And they had fairies! Lol I was in awe! Lol. The night ended by going to a little place called Taco Express, for some really bad coffee and the most Austin sounding live music! This place made you feel so local Austin, with the grungy hole in the wall southern feel, watching the cars pass on the highway right above, it felt electric. The band that night had one heck of a female bluegrass vocalist, and as they played covers of The Beatles I loved how people would just stand up from their tables and dance ha, so fun! It was the perfect Austin birthday night, and I got to spend it with my favorite people…how blessed was I :)

The next day I went to CoCo’s Café and picked up some freaking yummy strawberry banana bubble tea! I LOVE BUBBLE TEA!! Coco’s makes their own pearls for their tea, it makes for great quality drinks! After that we popped in at a couple of shops on SOCO for a few minutes before meeting up Amanda and Amber. We girls then got all dolled up and got delicious cupcakes at Hey Cupcake (and got hit on by the cupcake guy lol), and went to dinner at Olive Garden. Once in for the night, we stayed up late watching a movie and chatting, and then attended church together the next morning…it was lovely :)

July:

July was the month that I tried my hand at helping out with my churches summer camp, Camp Lost Pines, in Warda, TX.

I found out I am not, nor will I ever be, a camp type of person lol. But, I had a lovely time getting to know all the other staffers, and make some great new friends and connections. I have been in the church my whole life, but I really don’t know many people in the COGOP that are around my age group, so it was amazing to see that they do in fact exist…and have tattoos and piercings as well lol. My friend Damaris happened to be going to help at the camp as well and we shared a room together; i loved getting to talk and laugh and grow closer to her during camp! I also shared some great conversations and laughs with the other staffers, I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything…it was what I needed. I remember the last night I was there Damaris and another girl (who was actually my childhood pastor’s granddaughter lol) laughed for hours in our bunks! I don’t even remember what was so funny, but it had us rolling in laughter!

I went to camp to get over myself and meet others; to serve and make my summer mean something eternal, and I got that by helping out at the intermediate camp for 10-12 year old kids. Those children had my heart by the time they walked in the room! The little girls were the sweetest things, they would just come up and hug you for no reason, and they looked up to you just because you were older…so precious. One little girl wanted to draw me lol, and another wanted to always sit next to me and talk about makeup lol; that was the girl who melted my heart, I had the privilege and blessing to tell her how beautiful she was and I got to give her my undivided attention…I think it blessed me more than her though :) Children are such special beings, and getting to see them pray and worship the Lord, and laugh and get excited was just beautiful!

As far as what I did, I was a “floater” so I just did things here and there, like filling water balloons, posting signs and passing out wrist bands, watching kids during recreation time, and helping set up for meals. T’was fun :)

My camp experience was mixed though, I loved meeting the people I did and am glad I now feel like part of my church, but…sadly some things that happened just left me a bit disillusioned, frustrated, and miffed. All in all though, it was okay, though I don’t know how likely it will be that I’ll be going back lol, but we’ll see :)

(Photo credit:Camp Lost Pines)

Read on for continuation; August – December…:)

~Cecily Priscilla

With you, all my scars fade to love….

2011-01-14T02:28:00.001-08:00

Sometimes life is funny…funny in the way that God speaks to you. This past Tuesday morning on the way to class I glanced at my arms…its hard some days to face what you used to be. It’s hard to have scars, knowing you were the reason for it. I feel ashamed when I look at my arms, it’s so embarrassing and I feel so ridiculous. My arms tell my story, and it’s a broken one. I hate that I made it to where everyone knows my issues from the moment they see my arms or legs. I feel exposed, and I’m terrified of being rejected and seen as crazy or weird…I’m afraid of what people will think of me, the “pastor’s daughter”, if they really knew what I went through. And I’m afraid that because of my past I will be too much for people…too much for any guy to deal with, too much for friends to understand. I know that’s not the case, because all of my friends who know love and accept me so beautifully and gracefully, I seriously could not ask for better friends; they are truly gifts from God! And, despite all his crappy-ness, my ex really did embrace and understand me, he never acted like I was crazy or damaged, he treated me, in that way at least, with great care and empathy. But, I worry about new people I meet, and new guys I get interested in, finding out…and then leaving or seeing me different…damaged. It’s so scary.

This is what was running through my mind that morning driving in the car on my way to class.

Little did I know that God had something to say about my regrets that morning; He told me that His blood covered mine, His scars covered my scars. He told me that I am chosen, that His hand is on me. God reminded me that my testimony has a purpose, and that I was made the way I am for a reason, God knew what I was going to go through and He has planned to use it for His glory, to reach others for His kingdom and tell of His strong and everlasting, ever reaching, all enduring love and grace and mercy! Praise God! I am chosen! My sins are washed white as snow! My God took my transgressions and threw them as far as the east is from the west, He will never remember them again! His perfect blood, His perfect sacrifice, is enough for me, it’s enough for my scars and pain, and my screwed up past! I am washed in the blood of the perfect spotless Lamb of God! I am more than a conqueror! I am new!

All of this is what God spoke to my spirit through the classes at DBI Tuesday, through my teachers, who praise God, are so anointed by the Holy Spirit! I am so blessed to sit in a room and be taught by such Godly leaders! The teacher of my Prophets class pretty much just spoke to my heart that day, not knowing that just a few hours before I was wallowing in my past mistakes and I needed to hear from God. Praise God for my teachers! May God bless them so richly for their service! She said that when we let our past’s get us down we are saying that the cross was not enough for us. I never want to ever dare say such a thing. I never want to undermine Christ’s sacrifice for me. His blood is enough. His death and resurrection is enough to wash my scars clean, to make them disappear…to fade to Love. Praise God for His perfect love! I am in awe! My heart is His; it sings and dances for Him always!

Oh, my sweet Lord, Your perfect blood washes my wounds, and makes my scars fade to LOVE. Halleluiah, I have been healed.

"Come now, let us settle the matter, says the LORD. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” - Isaiah 1:18

Note to self, and to you; always remember this: Christ’s scars are deep enough to cover all of yours; His blood will wash them clean. You may remember your scars, but Christ does not. You may see them, but when Jesus looks at you He only sees the one He loves so much He died for. Christ’s sacrifice on the cross was for you, it is enough, all you have to do is believe it, and receive it.

~Cecily Priscilla

Frozen walls

2011-01-05T17:50:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I feel like I put up so many walls; to keep people out, to keep myself safe…to keep myself locked up. And no matter what I do I can’t help but give in to their perimeters, it’s like the harder I try to knock them down, the faster and stronger they go up. I hate them, they keep me prisoner, I am like a slave that has developed Stockholm syndrome; I am dependent and devoted to my isolation, I have become its friend and lover… I give myself to it over and over, too desensitized to realize it is killing me. Every time I let those walls come between me and the outside world I ruin the chance of escape, I let the chance of freedom pass me by …like waves they crash over me then they are gone, and I am left clinging on to that same freaking wall.

I push away any attempt of rescue; when it is offered I shut down and become like ice…cold to the touch, my heart is frozen shut and I will not give you the chance to warm it. No, I am a strong girl, I don’t need you, nor do I care if you are here, I have better things to do than to be hurt by you. This is what the walls of my heart say, they tell the sweetest of people “No. you may not enter. You can look, but stay away, don’t come any closer”. I have been told that I ooze those exact words.

I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to know people and to be known. I want to look people in the eyes when I talk to them. I want to be open and comfortable to people, I want them to know that they can talk to me, they can get to know me, and they can enter my heart. I want to show that I want to know them so badly, I want to talk and share and let them in; I want to love them. My heart longs to be open; It’s so warn on the inside, but only hidden by frozen over walls. I love sharing my life and heart with others, I love hearing the stories of new and old friends alike. I love long hugs, and random laughter, and comfortable silence with the ones you hold dear. I just wish someone would stay around long enough and make the effort to see that there is more to me than I let myself show.

From this moment on I will show the real me, I will no longer be a prisoner to these suffocating, isolating, cold, heartless walls. I will shout and scream, I will pray to my God of sweet everlasting Love. I will call on my Savior’s name, “Jesus, come tear down these the walls, warm my heart, open my eyes to love. Open my heart to my sisters and brothers. Speak to my spirit; speak love and peace to my soul. Rescue me, and change me. Let Your perfect love cast out all of these fears my walls are built from, and then, my wonderful Lord, when you do, these walls will tumble, and I will dance and sing with joy, radiating Your love to this world”. Hallelujah! Praise the God of Perfect Love!

~Cecily Priscilla

A woman is an ocean of feelings…

2010-12-24T16:03:00.001-08:00

A woman is an ocean of feelings, she speaks softly without words; simply stating her deepest emotion, simply whispering her longings. Her love is wide and deep and flowing, it comes from the God up above, and goes back up to Him; For He is the source of her life, her Creator, she evaporates and flows for Him.

The emotions of a woman are strong and intense, and when she lets someone in she creates a home of rest and peace for them.

Oh, how I long to tell you what is on this woman’s heart, but if you look my dear, look very carefully, you will see it so obviously; I simply care for you.

This woman wants to be held by your strong arms, to be touched by your gentle hands, to be watched by your blue eyes; darling this woman just wants to be a part of your everyday life. To be in your thoughts, and on your mind, to have your heart and body, to know you inside and out; these are the feelings this woman is writing about.

Come hear my hearts thoughts dear, they are written in the air, all you have to do is look at me to know; my thoughts are on you.

But I won’t speak it friend, no, I won’t ever tell, that I want you so sweetly and genuinely, and I want you to want me the same way. Oh sweet, take the signals and notice the signs, the way my eyes fall on you, the way I shift to be next to you, take notice dear, and then take action…this woman won’t wait forever, and her heart is aching for you.

~Cecily Priscilla

2 am honesty…

2010-12-07T23:10:00.001-08:00

Life has been pretty crazy these past few months, and I don’t think I’ve really given myself the time to process my emotions. I mean I have been plenty emotional, but I really haven’t sorted through all that I have felt and experienced lately. That has left me in an almost numb and lethargic state. And the other night my heart said no more to that…I found myself crying my eyes out after a long day if not feeling well, and I think the tears have more to do with what I haven’t spoken than what physical pain I’m in.

It has been so long since I have bared my soul before God, and I’m feeling it.

My heart is so conflicted right now, it is longing to feel again, but resisting so strong. I tend to turn off my feelings for long amounts of time because I find it easier. But, after so long of pushing the feelings and pain, and fear, and hope away, I get so lost and tired. And I am now drowning in that exhaustion.

If you would have asked me a couple weeks ago why I’m so conflicted and afraid, I would have told you I didn’t know, but after lying in my bed the other night trying unsuccessfully to sleep away my physical pain, I was confronted with my emotions…and I found myself telling God I didn’t trust him to keep me from the same pain I had once been in not too long ago.

See, while time has passed, my heart still feels the effects of that hurt and It’s almost like I have developed this fear of hurt (or love), and I live in this state of fear and dread of feeling it again.

I so hate feeling, I hate it so much that I pray God would take away my ability to feel any emotions. I don’t want them. They just hurt and kill.

Yet, at the same time I am pleading for Him to give me the chance to feel and love. I long for it. I ache to feel and love. I ache to breathe in every emotion, because they are so alive…and sometimes beautiful. Lord, please send me beautiful. Please help me hope and believe in love.

I had my years of not feeling, I have the scars to remember them by. I regret those days with everything I am. And I wish I didn’t long for them again. But truth is they were easier. I refuse to go back to easy though, I have come too far.

I don’t want to feel the way that pain and experience left me feeling, I just can’t handle dealing with that again. I don’t know how. I don’t trust God to protect me from it, but I want to. I want to trust that my Heavenly Father is holding my heart and won’t let me fall the way I did in the past, I want to just close my eyes and let life take me by surprise, knowing that my God has me in His arms and is guiding my every step. I pray for the strength to trust in Him.

Lord, don’t let my heart break again. Hold it, and keep it safe. It’s Yours always, so keep from shattering again. You put it back together before, even when I didn’t think it was possible, you took every piece and made it more beautiful and whole then it was. So, keep me from destroying it. Guide me in Your wisdom, and grant me grace for the reckless decisions I make. Protect me from myself, and from the fraudulent ones who will hurt me. Keep me in the center of your love, and at the front of your mind, I am the apple of Your eye, keep me there. You are my love; You are my heart and soul. You are my rock, my peace, my joy, my hope. You are my everything. I am in love with You first, always You first. I look to You for my breath and you keep my heart alive. So keep me alive, and protect my breath. You are holding me, and for that I praise You. I trust You, Father. I trust You to protect my heart, Yeshua.

Songs;

What if – Nichole Nordeman

Tightrope – Joy Williams

So I Thought – Flyleaf

When I Remember – Blindside

Break My Fall – Lanae Hale

~Cecily Priscilla

I think we should spend some time together darling…

2010-12-05T20:23:00.001-08:00

Should I embrace this feeling, or should I push it away? Oh, my heart is asking you to stay a little longer, to walk a little closer, to lean a little farther. Darling, let me lean into you. Could we drive for a while, take the long way back; we could use the extra time to get to know each other better. Look my way dear, and brush your hand on my back, you have such a gentle touch, it melts my cold fears.

Oh, how silly this feeling is, but my heart is flying when I’m near you, I can’t deny I feel butterflies when you appear. There is something about you that makes my soul feel light, you make me smile. You are magnetic sweet, so magnetic; you pull me in without effort. I am slipping when you are next to me; slowly I drift closer to your atmosphere. Let me be in your atmosphere. I want to snuggle into you, you seem so warm; let me wrap myself in you. You’re peaceful and comfy, like a safe landing place, I want to spend my time with you.

Let’s spend some time together.

Song;

Rope and Summit – Junip

~Cecily Priscilla

What needs to be said…

2010-11-28T23:36:00.001-08:00

I miss the way you were, and I miss my sweet dear friend. You lost us when you lost yourself in him. Come back to our savior, and come back to yourself and us. I love you always. -

Do you ever wish you could just say what so obviously needs to be said, Instead of hiding the truth down inside? To be real and honest in love, to just let the awkwardness fall by the waste side and for once speak what is on your heart, and listen to what is on someone else’s heart. To really hug someone because you know that deep down they are hurting, to hold them and tell them you love them and it’s not too late to go back and start again.

Sometimes I feel like a have to wear a mask with some people, to cover what I believe, and what they used to believe, and act like it’s all fine that their heart has gone astray. It rips me in half because I want to be a “good friend” and be happy and excited for the people in my life, but when it’s something that goes against who they are in Christ, I find myself not knowing how to do that. I pray for wisdom and grace, because I do not want to push people away or hurt them, but I can’t keep up the charade much longer.

To speak, oh, to speak what is true and real, and honest, and loving; there are so many people I wish to speak to like that. I wish to be spoken to like that as well. So many situations where I wish I could say what my heart is feeling, so many situations where I want to hold the people in my life and let the pain and hurt, mistakes and fear, just wash away as we pray to God for forgiveness, healing, and grace. I hope to one day be able to experience such freedom, for myself and for my friends.

Speak what’s on your hearts friends, but speak it in love, truth and righteousness, for you never know what life you might change by the words God gives you to say, and the feelings that are swimming inside you. Be passionate about love and truth, and be passionate about God’s beautiful healing and redemption, so you may let God work through you to administer it to the people in your life.

In closing I will add I final note; Friends, no guy or girl is worth losing your relationship with Christ for. Let me say it again, there is no guy or girl who will love you better than your Lord and Savior. And also, if that guy/girl loves you, then he/she will wait for you instead of manipulating you into comprising your beliefs. Let God be the guide in your relationships; don’t be so anxious that you forget who you are in Christ.

Grace and peace to you tonight, may God give you the strength to let your heart speak.

~Cecily Priscilla

Haunting Halloween Playlist

2010-10-31T23:24:00.001-07:00

I love Halloween! There's something about it that feels so whimsy and happy! I swear that when I have my own family I’m going to be one of those moms who dress up and decorate their home with tons of quirky and fun Halloween decorations! My family has always done Halloween right though, we make lime sherbet punch, dip, both tuna and chicken salad sandwiches, and some kind of yummy treat! This year made homemade peanut butter cups! And of course you can’t forget the candy! Woot! That’s why I think I love it so much; it feels like a celebration of all things fun!

I love getting to dress cute on Hallows eve! This year I wore my Knife To Meet You T-shirt; it’s made by Landon Ginnings who is formerly of the band Showbread. The shirt has blood, a Jason mask, and of course a knife…it’s awesomely morbid! I paired the grungy tee up with my black and white striped mini skirt. For my hair, since it's already dyed purple, pink, and black, I just put it in pigtails with my favorite star clip pining back my bangs. I did my makeup as usual, but I decided to add a little whimsy by drawing a star under my eye with some liquid eyeliner :) I have to say I looked quite killah ha ;) If only I had an awesomely morbid guy to be my date…any single male zombies or vampires out there? Lol. I hope to one day find a guy who is just as dark minded as I am ha…although; in the meantime I’m having fun just looking ;)

Anycats, moving on to the reason for this blog; While making popcorn balls for Halloween I got inspired to make a Halloween playlist, because what’s a celebration without some rawkin tunes, eh? So here’s my playlist of songs that I find kind of creepy and insanely awesome! I hope you enjoy it! :)

Haunting Halloween Playlist~

Dead by Dawn – Showbread

Down Here We All Float – Sullivan

Howl – Florence and the Machine

Wake the Dead – Family Force 5

The Missing Wife – Showbread

Lake of Fire – Nirvana

Voodoo – Godsmack

George Romero Will Be at Our Wedding – Showbread

My Body Is a Zombie for You – Dead Man’s Bones (This is Ryan Gosling’s band…yeah, that’s all you need to know)

I put a Spell on You – Screamin' Jay Hawkins or Nina Simone (depending on your mood.
I prefer Nina’s version)

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) – Marilyn Manson (No, I don’t listen to Marilyn Manson. He just does a great cover of this song originally by Eurythmics . Don’t judge me. I am not serving the devil)

# 1 Crush – Garbage

I Will Possess Your Heart – Death Cab for Cutie

Highway to Hell - AC/DC

Vampira - The Misfits

Monster – Skillet

Thriller – Michael Jackson

The Zombie Dance - The Cramps

Day of the dead – The Misfits (anything by the Misfits is going to work for Halloween really)

Monster Mash – Bobby "Boris" Picket and the Crypt-Kickers (Cheesy it may be, but no Halloween is complete without this strange classic about monster’s that know how to get their groove on!)

Cheers friends! Hope you all had a killer Halloween!

~Cecily Priscilla

I want to sing to you, friend/Love always protects

2010-10-27T06:07:00.001-07:00

I wish i could sing to you all the things that are in my heart, all the things that i want to say but can't. Oh to sing to you my dear, to let my hearts songs fill your ears, your mind, your heart, and your soul. I want you to feel this; i want you to feel these words tonight. I will send them to you in a song. I will write them to you in a letter and drown it in the sea and pray that it gets to you somehow. Somehow my sweet, you will feel this. I pray to our dear God that he will speak my message to your heart tonight, that since i can't sing it to you, our God will. I pray that He will whisper it directly to your heart in the sweetest, softest, deepest way. So tender, but so strong that you will feel it in your bones, because that's how far i feel the feelings i have for you my dear. Hear our song, love, listen and feel tonight. I'm sending you my heart from miles away. Please receive it now, my dear. -

I wrote that last year sometime, I was going through the process of letting go of someone I loved deeply, and I wanted so badly to just reach out to them, but I knew that I couldn’t. I remember the feeling of just wanting to talk to that person again, to just reach them in any way I could…if I could have sent flair in the night sky, I would have. I longed to be near that person again, but they were so far away, both physically and emotionally. And the only way I felt I could express what I was feeling was if I could sing a sweet and soft melody, and have God, the God we both loved, sing it to their spirit and pierce their cold black heart.

I prayed God would speak to this person’s heart, and reunite it with mine. I knew that I could reach out on my own and probably do things myself, but I wanted it to be right, and the only way for that to happen would be to let go and let God do the work for me. It was not His will for my heart to ever know that person’s again; I came to realize this after some time. And while it was deeply painful, it was also beautiful because I knew that God had control of the situation, and even if I had to hurt for long while, it was better to be in His perfect will and learn to let go, than to be in His permissive will and live a lifetime of hurt. My Abba always looks out for me, and I now see His strong hand of protection on me in that time of my life. He saved me, and I love Him for that. I am now a better, stronger, and more loving person, doing better and lovelier things than I was at that time. Praise the God of Love who always protects!

~Cecily Priscilla

To simply love...

2010-10-20T00:55:00.000-07:00

I think I have gotten to the point where I can listen to love songs without wanting to smash something…okay, so I still cringe a little and i can’t really think too hard about the lyrics, but I’m getting there…baby steps :)

I guess I’ve always been kind of jaded when it comes to the topic of “love”, but it just got somewhat worse at one point, ha! I wouldn’t give someone* too much credit though, because it wasn’t them that really enforced my jadedness…they just definitely did not help it. And, I’ll admit I was quite angry at the mention of love for while after that person, but really once you realize that YOU didn’t want what they were offering, it makes it a whole lot easier to get over the “grrness”.

Though, in all honesty, the thought of falling in love so deeply again really scares me…I find myself pulling further and further away from wanting it, and yet I’m closer than I’ve ever been to being ready for it.

Sometimes I’m not a very easy person to get to know, I like keeping people at arm’s length if possible, because there’s less of the chance of getting attached to each other, and then less of a chance of getting hurt. And then, of course, one reason I find myself backing away from people is that I guess I just don’t feel like anyone would really understand me if they knew me. If they knew about my struggles and pain…if they saw the scars, would they really understand? Would they really stay? I learned early on life that you can’t trust most people, now that’s not to say that I’m not trusting, because I am, but I find it hard to trust people with certain details of my life…there are areas that most people can’t know. I guess I’m just plain fearful of love in all forms.

It’s funny because I’m a very loving person, and I find it easy to just full on care for someone, but the hard part for me is letting someone love me…because their love might hurt. Whereas I know when my love is sincere, the other person’s on the other hand…well, let’s just say some people are toxic to the hearts of others. I am very mistrusting when it comes to the love of others, and that really stings to say.

I don’t even know what I want right now, and yet, I have such a clear picture. Maybe I do know what I want, but maybe I just don’t know when I want it…or how I will get it.

Love is really intense, at least it was for me, and I honestly don’t know if I have it in me to do that again…to be someone’s best friend and more, to pour out everything I have…to be open, so very open. I wonder, is love is like a leech, sucking the life out of its host? That’s what it was like for me last time…at the end at least. Not to say that I didn’t love pouring myself out to the person I was with, but it began to get draining for me…I was pouring out, and getting nothing back, and that really takes its toll.

And yet, I long to feel the beauty of love again...the spectacular feeling of being someone’s love and friend. The close and comfy everyday feeling of knowing someone cares for you, that someone smiles when they think of you. I miss those feelings…the simple act of holding hands with someone you love is one of the best feelings in the world; I miss it…and I’m so scared to have it again.

Nevertheless, i know I can love again. I will love intensely again. I will once again feel that safe and at peace in someone’s arms.

I crave the simple…simply to be loved, and to give love…it is so simple…and so simply special.

"I was thinking about how love (not just lust or codependency that commonly flood the tunes on the airways) actually involves quite a bit of faith. There's a lot of letting go involved. Two souls in love is an intricate dance of give and take. I can be a fairly solitary person from time to time. Sure, I love being with people, but I also need time alone. I guess I thrive on the poles. So this song is about the dance involved in a relationship the coming together and letting go. The song equates love with breathing- pulling in and releasing. Or a seed, for the seed to grow it has to be dropped and buried." - Jon Foreman of Switchfoot, explaining their song "Enough To Let Me Go"

~Cecily Priscilla

To meet you in a song...

2010-09-25T23:50:00.000-07:00

It’s funny how you can listen to a song and feel connected to a person…to the person who loved it before you. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you’ve last seen this person, you put on the song, and it feels like them; and you suddenly feel as if they are somehow near you. You feel calmness, or maybe it’s a sadness…I think it’s a bit of both.

If I could walk by you once more for the last time, look you into your eyes, and then pass you by for good…this is what it would feel like. This song, your song, is what it would feel like; a sad and mournful, peaceful and resolute, goodbye. Gray skies, rain, cold…this is what you feel like to me; almost so beautiful, but so dark and washed away.

~Cecily Priscilla

The freedom to be...

2010-09-16T04:09:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a year that was so draining and so testing that you don’t think you can take anymore, and all you want to do is collapse and crawl in a hole until the year is over and the hope of a new year presents itself? Yeah, I think we all have at one point or another.

Oh this year, what can I say? You have given me so much, so many happy things and moments…so many new friends and experiences. I learned so many things, grew so much, felt grace and love and confirmation from both friends and God. This year has been beautiful.

But, this year has also tested me so much…too much. I am beginning to feel like life is one big fight…a fight to say alive, a fight to love, and a fight to pursue what is right. And maybe is it a fight, and maybe that is is perfectly okay; Living, loving, and following a Godly path are beautiful wonderful things worthy of a fight. I will continue to fight for them because they are what life is about.

Nevertheless, the fight I am talking about is the fight to keep your head above water…the fight to breathe. Lately I have been finding it hard to keep my head from going under…I have been finding it hard to breathe. I am in need of some rescue by my Almighty God.

The thing is, I feel like I can’t tell people this. I have to be the strong resilient Christian girl; I can’t let them see that I am drowning. They all think I am strong and brave, so adult and think I handle things so well…when really, I feel anything but "well" and "strong" and "brave". I feel weak. I feel confused. I feel so tired and lost. And…a bit forgotten. Is that okay? Can the pastor’s daughter, the "good mature Christian girl" (ack!!!! blah!!!!), feel this crappy and sad? What would they think if they knew I am not alright right now? I put on a brave face in front of them…even when I get a bit emotional, it is still a braver face then I am feeling on the inside. They don’t know how hard this is for me. And in all honesty, I don’t want them too. This is my issue, and I want to deal with this in a very quiet way. Sometimes when you are the "P.K." people think they are helping, but really they are invading your privacy…at 21 I am very big on having a private life. I am naturally a private person when it comes to what I am going through, and I prefer it that way. I will share information on a one on one basis if i feel I can trust someone, but if I choose not to talk about something, I would love if people would respect that.

However, let’s put that aside for the moment and talk about the real thing here; I really need it to be okay that I am not okay. Instead of patting me on the back and telling me it’s going to be okay, I need someone to lay their hands on my head on pray for me. I need someone stronger than me to help me gain some strength. I need to be surrounded in prayer by Christians who love me, and I need to cry and cry until I can’t cry anymore. I just want a little help to stand, because I feel so weak.

I just want to go away somewhere…escape for a while. Oh, to go to Seattle…or Boston…anywhere really. I wish to be taken away…to be whisked away to a far off destination…away from problems and complications. I want someone to hold me. I want to be held so tightly until I feel safe and secure. I don’t want to have to put on the "I’m good" face…I just want to be held and cry, and have that be totally and completely fine.

So, I should sleep now because I probably need to. I will end this blog with this; while I am far from okay right now, I know that My God is with me, and He will make my paths straight. And while I don’t feel like I can be open about my struggles, I know I can talk about them with My Jesus and He will understand. Oh yes, our sweet Lord understands the way we hurt and fall, He knows…He knows. It is in His loving eyes, we are seen as beautiful, not broken, not weak, or imperfect, but beautiful creations, beautiful reflections of Him. I am His daughter. Praise Him. I am His daughter, and I am humbled and honored. Oh, to sit at the feet of the one who made me…that is where I want to be. I long to be at my Lords feet worshiping Him on my hands and knees. I love Him. When nothing else makes sense, His sweet strong love is what holds my world together. Halleluiah. My Abba is strong and He loves me. Selah.

With everything in my soul, everything I am, I cry "Halleluiah, I am Yours, forever and always fully Yours!" Take my life and make it shine with your light! My Jesus I am your servant.

Grace and peace to you friends.

~Cecily Priscilla

Chasing your choices, and losing truth…

2010-09-14T04:24:00.000-07:00

Slow down friend, don't get lost in your head, don't get lost in your scars, and the things that haunt you in your past. They are gone, and I am here. Focus, reset, go forward.

I miss my friend...I wonder where he went. I think he got lost somewhere in the pain. Lord, please save him from himself...I love him, and he loves you. Don't let him forget, you died to take his regret and shame, and all his pain...don't let him forget, you are the only truth. Help him to listen to you.

What are you running from, dear? Slow down friend, it is going to be alright. Nothing is going hurt you here. So take off that mask, and breathe in fresh air. I know it is hard to not breathe, so sit with me and breathe for a moment. You don't have to rush away, you know that I care and my heart is here to stay.

Won't you stop for a second love, stop and think about what you are doing, and how you are hurting yourself and I. Put down that phone, and take off work, leave those people that bring you down, and come spend the day with me. We will talk friend, talk about you and I, talk about why you are so scared and why you feel so trapped in this life. I feel trapped to, and I am scared as well, you see, don't feel you have to run from me...I understand.

So, what are you running from dear? Won't you slow down sweet one, and talk to me, tell me what is scaring you? What is making you avoid me? Why do you always cut every tie, why do you never have real relationships in your life?

Come here love, and we will sit by the shore, watch as the fish jump from the water, as we did before. You don't have to leave now, you can stay for a while, I will not hurt you and I trust you will not hurt me. Let's just sit here and watch the stars and keep our eyes fixed on the sky, and we will promise not to leave until it bursts with the mornings light.

Let us take a walk then, and we will hold hands; smiling from ear to ear laughing about a joke you said. Look into my eyes dear, and I promise I will not turn away this time; I will let my eyes show you that I am here to stay.

I wish we could do all of that, but your legs are shaking with anxiety, you have to go you say...have to find your own perfect packaged way. I know it is not my fault, but I feel like it is. I wish I could have given you what you wanted, but I know that it is what will save me in the end. If I gave you what you asked for in the most round about way, it would have only further hurt you and broken us in two. I cannot hurt you sweet, the thought of that makes my heart burst, so I told you no to save you and I anymore hurt. It was not easy for me; I think you should know. I wanted to feel you so very, very close. .

You left me with no real answers, and no real reason. You should have faced me friend, you should have showed me respect, but you chose not to. You chose to run...you chose to run.

And I chose to live and move on.

~Cecily Priscilla

Where there is a heart, there is no distance...

2010-09-09T20:57:00.000-07:00

I realized today that the heart knows no distance. I kind of knew that before, but today it just became very clear.

Today my dear friend’s grandpa passed away…my heart breaks for her and her family. I know the pain of losing a grandpa, as I have lost both of mine…it hurts so deeply. I am 3 hours from my friend, and I can’t be there to hug her right now…but, my heart is with her. I may be in Palacios, but my heart and all of my love and thoughts are 3 hours away in Dripping Springs right by her side, hugging her.

There have been times that the people I love are far away, and I have to be there for them long distance…whether it be a birthday, accomplishment, hard times or…the loss of a loved one, many times I can’t there for them physically like I would love to be. But, my heart is always there…it literally feels like during those times my heart flies out of my chest and goes to that person…like I would love to do. If I could take the people I love in my arms and just hug them, just be right there next to them…to comfort, or congratulate, I would. However, when I can’t be there to do that, I can send my prayers. I can call out their names to my God and He will send love and peace their way. This is the best thing I can do for them. And, thankfully, technology has given us so many ways to communicate our hearts…it may be by a phone call, an e-mail, or a simple text; we can now let our hearts speak to our loved ones from so far away.

So, the heart, whether a thousand miles away or right in the same room, it knows no distance…no, it just knows love.

I hope my family and friends can always feel my heart with them, for I certainly always feel theirs.

~Cecily Priscilla

A disclaimer, my dear...

2010-09-06T04:25:00.000-07:00

All of a sudden I got a little freaked out that certain people might stumble upon this blog...I love people reading my blog, there's not doubt about that, but there are a few people that I would be a little uncomfortable if they read some things on here. But, I am a blogger, we put our hearts feelings online for the world to see...sometimes it's only to give our written words a home, and other times it's out of hope that someone, somewhere, might relate to what we are writing. Either way, sometimes the fear of someone you have written about finding your blog is a bit...err awkward. But, I’m pretty good with awkward, so I guess I’ll keep blogging ;)

Just a note though, to anyone that I have written about, if you have a problem with it, then you can talk to me. When I go through deep things in life I write like crazy, it's just how I deal with things now, and I want my writings to have a home...I need that. Many of the things posted here were written quite some time ago, and I probably no longer feel that same way. If my writings make you uncomfortable, well...that's too bad. Just take it with a grain of salt :)

Cheers bloggers and friends! May your life be deep enough that you have to write about it :)

~Cecily Priscilla

Poison and Ashes

2010-09-06T02:51:00.000-07:00

Your words turn my stomach; they make me sick. Poison to my soul, they make me want to vomit. They turn my stomach inside out, until my insides are contorted. Suddenly I feel sick, my grieving soul is scratching to spill out. Poison; your words are like poison to me. Like acid, they pour in, burning my flesh, ripping my heart, exposing my bones.

Oh, what a lovely actress you have made me, I shine in front of them all. Oh, what a lovely actress, I smile, and curtsy, and speak in fine tuned contracted law. Don’t you love the show? I am a puppet in your play, I sit and stare into space, jaded and numb, waiting until you take your bow and I can leave the stage.

Burn, burn, burn; oh how your words burn me. Sting and sting, they leave me hallow and lifeless.

Fire, we are all playing with fire. We dance around the flames as you spout them out, fiery red and orange they are, as they come up from your soul and pour out of your mouth. It makes you feel powerful, and makes you feel alive and in control. Oh, your fiery flames of hate pour over our heads, consuming us, as we breathe in and out the black smoke that is choking us to death.

I am left in ashes.

However, ashes are hopeful, for you see; my Heavenly Father will take my ashes and redeem me. My Holy Father, who loves me the way love is meant to be, He will take my screwed up past, and all of my burnt up dreams, and He will make them beautiful.

Yes, we will once again shine with beauty; God will take our ashes and make us whole again.

~Cecily Priscilla

Again, my mind drifts to...

2010-08-27T01:17:00.000-07:00

I've found that i only write when i am feeling something deeply. Either A. deep anger. B. deep thankfulness. or C. deep love. Today i am posting something that i wrote last year when i was feeling the latter; deep love. I was pretty much on pink sparkly could 9, head over high heels in love with a brown haired boy in tight jeans. It didn't work out. But, at least i have my writings, eh? Ha! Cheers!

"Again, my mind drifts to..."

I hate this, this being a part from you; it hurts. I just want to hold you, to just be near you...but i can't. I want to feel your hand in mine, your face against my face, you arms tightly around my waist. Oh the way i feel when i'm with you; you make me blush, you throw me off. The way your touch makes me feel. Your hands, oh how i love them, i love the way you touch me so soft and gentle, so sweet. Your finger tips drawing circles on my back, my shoulders,my arms, my hips. My hands on your back, back and fourth they go, taking all of you in, griping your arms. Oh how i long to stay in your strong arms forever, to feel that safe and secure always. The way you feel, the way you smell, i take it all in when i'm with you, standing in your arms. The sounds you make, the words you say, the way you breathe. Your heartbeat was rapid, it was beating in time with mine. Your breath was hard and shallow, oh yes dear, you are not the only one who can see through things, i can see through you as well darling, and everything i see melts me into you. So here i sit, my mind once again drifting to the our last time together, and anticipating what will happen when we see each other again. Oh my sweet love, just don't wait too long to come hold me again...

~Cecily Priscilla

The Water...

2010-08-16T00:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just have to go sit by the water and listen to the sound of the waves, watching as they go back and forth. Sometimes you need to feel the sand beneath your feet, and the wind on your face. Breathe deep; the water reminds you to breathe deeply. Thank God for the stars, and the dark blue color of the night sky, thank Him for the beach and the sweet summer heat. I thank my God, for the freedom the water reflects, and the the childlike feeling i get when i am in it's presence, basking in the wonder of my Lord's creation. Thank you sweet Lord, for the freedom only You can give, and thank you for the peace and rest i find in You. At the end of the day when all i can find it in me to do is collapse on the shore, broken and empty, my spirit exhausted by the weight of these days, weeks, years..Your strong love comes to me so softy, so gently, sweeping me away with the ocean air. Your love, my Father, reminds me to take the time to stop, refocus, and breathe. Your beautiful beaches and bays, oceans, and lakes, remind me to stop and rest in You. The water, my dear sweet Savior, the water is where i see and feel You.

Please never stop speaking to me through Your creation...i love it. I need it.

~Cecily Priscilla

It's times like these - Changes and Wild Horses...

2010-08-02T04:38:00.000-07:00

It's August...oh August, how I have dreaded you and yet anticipated you for so long. I leave for Brenham in a few weeks...by "leave" I mean move...for 9 months...to attend the school of supernatural ministry...yep. I've never lived without my family before, this will be the biggest adjustment for sure...Crys and I are super close, she's my other half...and my mom is my everyday rock and friend...how do I live for 9 months without seeing them every day? They are the last people I talk to before I go to bed, and the first when I wake up....I love going into my kitchen in the mornings after I wake and chatting with my mom, hearing how her morning has been so far. Or staying up to the early morning hours with my sister, talking about life, love, guys, God and the like...or laughing at our crazy jokes and banter that only we would find funny. I'm going to miss those times. I'm also going to miss my kitty Daisy coming up to the spot on the sofa where she knows I sit, and waiting there until I pet her. I know it's only 9 months, but when you think of waking up and going about your days without the people who you love the most, and who know you the best, 9 months feels like a lot longer. I kind of had an emotional freak out last night about it all...Complete with crying and a whole lot of ranting...I do that every now and then lol. It's getting closer to crunch time and I’m not good at dealing with things sometimes, I’ve been too nervous to really talk about it or even really acknowledge that I’m moving, I mean we say it around the house, but it just seems like some far off thing...when in reality it's only a few weeks away now. We are going to plan a going away party of sorts at my church...this freaks me out because it means it's real...and well, I’m scared of new things sometimes. I'm terrified that I won't fit there, while yes I have met the people there and they are all incredibly sweet and kind, and my cousins and aunt and uncle live there and go to the church that the school is run by, I’m still scared that Brenham and ministry school won't fit me. I guess that's the risk you take when you move, eh?

"'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall..." - "Brave" - Nichole Nordeman

Life is funny, we all take such different paths than we expected...we end up in such different places in such a short amount of time...last year to this year is like a complete 180...instead of sparkly unicorns like last year, I am now being given wild horses..And I’m becoming more and more okay with that. Honestly, this was so not my plan, I was supposed to be in broadcasting school right now...but God had a different idea. I love that God brings in the most random unexpected things to you when you need them the most, and that's what this school is for me...it's God answering my prayers for new doors and opportunities...exciting things. So I am humbled and grateful for this new door....Lord only knows what's behind it. I know I do not want to be a preacher of any kind; it's just not me...being a P.K. for 10 years and counting is enough thank you. But I am going because I long to become stronger in my walk with God. I want to know what it is to hear the Spirit, and respond to His nudges. I want to become a spiritually strong woman of God. I want to grow, and dive, and immerse myself in all God is...I want to feel His love pouring out on me. I want to spend my days in His presence alongside other likeminded people, learning about God's Truth. I want to come back home a more Christ centered person, wise in God, and more at peace. I just want the Spirit of the Living God to fall on me like an unquenchable fire, burning me up until I burst with His light. I want to be refreshed; I need to be reborn in Him. I want God to baptize my heart, soul, and mind. I want revelations, I want freedom, and I want knowledge. I want God. And all this, is why I am moving...why I am leaving what I know for 9 months, why I am stepping out in blind faith and trusting God with all I am...holding to Him while I walk this new and beautiful, uncomfortable, and confusing, exciting path. May God honor it and use every part of my story for His glory. -

"I, I'm a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky to hang
The stars upon tonight

I, I'm a little divided
Should I stay or run away
Leave it all behind

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again" - "Times Like These" - Foo Fighters

~Cecily Priscilla

Cecily's slightly sarcastic and slightly awkward dating rules (a running list)

2010-07-31T00:48:00.000-07:00

So, i feel like I've learned some things from my past dealings with guys...very stupid, albeit for awhile sweet, guys that i thought were special enough to let into my life...meh, i was kinda wrong. So, i turn now to hindsight and laughter, because that's how i think we should all approach things that sting, with a little laughter and a whole lot of sarcasm! And yes, while this list is meant to be kind of sarcastic, it is however also mostly true things that i now watch out for when getting to know a guy, life lessons baby.

*Note; the things on this list were all real experiences I've had with guys...this is a sad fact.*

1. Never date a guy who wears tighter jeans than you do. Ladies, if his jeans are so tight that he can't get his phone out of his pocket, there's something not quite right. He's probably way too into himself and you don't need a shallow boy.

2. Never date a guy who tells you he wants to bake with you, or that he would love if you baked him cookies...i'm not sure why exactly, but all i know is that both guys who told me this turned out to be idiots. Just trust me on this one.

3. Never date a guy who just moved to your state less than 6 months before you met him. These guys are unstable because they are in a new environment and lonely, therefore they don't know what they want. Their unreliability and fickleness will end up hurting you, and possibly driving you to murder...save yourself the prison time and just be friends with the guy until he's established himself in your state (and when i say "just be friends" i mean it, no hugging,hand holding, kissing, flirting...just friends girls, trust me!)...this could take at least 6 more months to a year, but you'll be thankful in the end.

4. Never go out with a guy who has a rock star complex and thinks he looks like members of rock bands. He's insecure and doesn't know who the hell he is, so he has to recycle an identity. You need a man who knows exactly who he is, not a fake who is mentally stuck in middle school still trying to be "cool". This rule is especially important to follow if the dude can't even play an instrument, thinks he should play one, but doesn't have the guts to try...wanna be musicians are not boyfriend material sweetie.

5. Avoid guys who are obsessed with your purity and talk about it like it's the "holy grail". Trust me, being put on a "purity pedestal" by your boyfriend is not cool, and leaves you feeling like a weird porcelain doll in a glass bubble. Plus, it's just crazy awkward to be told over and over how awesome your virginity is. Find a guy who respects your purity and loves it about you, but who will refrain from constantly mentioning it to you and won't act like you are untouchable and perfect.

6. Never go out with a guy who tells you he will show you some "self defence" moves in his basement....because honey, that ain't all he wants to show you! I think what this means should be obvious, but I'll say it anyway...the boy wants your goods, don't give it girl...wait for the diamond! ;p

7. Stay away from guys who have previously been engaged and/or bought an engagement ring for a girl. These guys are just bad news. Now i'm sure there are cases where the guys really just did get screwed over, but make sure before you get involved with him. Make sure he is over his ex and not rebounding, and has emotionally healed from that past engagement. Guys who have not healed from their last heartbreak, especially if the relationship was headed towards marriage, may get obsessive over you and move very fast as a way of compensating for their broken relationship. Once their obsessiveness wears out they will leave and you will want to egg their car.

8. If the guy your going out with still has his ex girlfriends paintings in the trunk of his car, run the other way girl!

9. Never lend a guy your favorite books...especially if they are a trilogy of three books! Wait for a committed relationship before you give him reading material, because then you are more likely to see those books again and avoid re-buying them (*Sigh* i miss my Ted Dekker books! ). And furthermore, in the case that your boyfriend does have some of your books and you break up, he should then give you the money to buy those books again, because you will never want your old books back for the simple reason that he touched them and all you would want to do is burn them.

10. Run away from guys who start a sentence with "my therapist thinks", and end it with "about you". You never want to date a guy who discusses you with his therapist, because there will always be three people in your relationship...you, your boyfriend...and his intern of a therapist who works part time at Whole Foods.

That's all for now friends! I'll be randomly posting more slightly sarcastic rules in the coming posts...stupid guys give you too much material ;) Here's to hindsight and the laughter it brings! Cheers!

~Cecily Priscilla

Things to live by - I will remember; i am loved, i am strong, i am sassy!

2010-07-22T02:15:00.000-07:00

I was writing a blog to post here,it was long and i didn't feel like finishing it since i am very sleepy and have a migraine the size of my lovely state of Texas...and then i realized something; i only have a few things i need to say tonight. So here is a running random/not so random if you know my life list of things/rules i want to remember. Cheers!

1. I refuse to harden my heart, it will always stay open.

2. Life is beautiful :)

3. I refuse to settle for what this word tells me i need. I refuse to get restless and go off God's path and become a person my own family wouldn't even recognize.

4. I refuse to love selfishly, thinking only of myself and my needs. I will put people first, and be respectful and considerate.

5. I refuse to hate. I refuse to hold in anger and resentment

6. God's freedom is glorious, i will not forget that.

7. I will love open and honestly, i will love and serve with everything in me.

8. I will let Love wash over me, i will let it change me,heal me.

9. I am not weak, and i refuse to lay down at the first sign of trouble.

10. I am a strong woman of God. I am the Kings daughter. I am valuable and beautiful. I am not a plaything, here for some one's pleasure. God gave me a brain and i will use it. I have a Godly purpose, and i will devote my life to fulfilling it.

11. I am one sassy chica! This kitty has got some serious attitude and gumption baby! Hells yeah!

12. I will not be a stupid girl and fall for men that are harmful to me and my walk with God.

13. I am gold. My price is above rubies (Proverbs 31:10).

14. I will continue to serve my God no matter what. I am so in love with Him and i will never leave His side.

15. I LOVE, AND AM LOVED.

Praise God for His love and faithfulness. I am always in awe of Him, He makes me smile and dance :)

Playlist:

True things - JJ Heller
Don't You Know You're Beautiful - Seabird
Every Little Thing - Hawk Nelson
One Girl Revolution - Superchick
Cherry Bomb - The Runaways
Headed Home - Lanae Hale
Unbreakable - Fireflight
Beautiful Letdown - Switchfoot
With You - Sarah Kelly
Motion - Plumb

~Cecily Priscilla

To find you / I believe in LOVE.

2010-07-11T22:37:00.000-07:00

Do i even know you anymore? Would i even know you? You seem so very far way...worlds and oceans. I miss you my sweet boy. I miss your arms around me. I miss your scruffy beard against my cheek, and the way it used to mess up my hair when you laid your head atop mine. I look at our pictures and it is clear, i do not know you anymore my friend. You are gone. You, my sweet strong boy, you have changed so very much. You are not the same...but then again neither am i. Could we find each other again? You and i, could we find our way back to a place where we share hearts again. Maybe we could find a better place this time,one that won't go up in flames, or be rocked by the worlds storms and quakes. I want to find you; I pray to God you want to find me too. Let us ask our Lord to show us where to look. Look for me my love, please look all around you...find me my dear.

I was reading through some older documents on my computer when i came across that ^....i wrote it last year. It's pretty obvious what i was feeling...i missed the guy i loved and i wanted to know him again. The heart is a funny thing, it feels things that you can't explain or understand...and it feels these things whether you like it or not. I'm not very fond of love, only because i hate when it ends and i have to detach myself from the person that i felt so deeply for...it hurts like hell, and feels like death...and i guess in some ways it is;it's the death of a friendship. I hate missing someone so much that you feel like your heart is going to explode. I've come to find out love is like getting punched in the gut over and over and over, leaving you breathless, exhausted and dazed. However, i refuse to be a jaded person (even though i am on many days), and i have to believe that love doesn't have to hurt, that it heals and sooths, instead of breaking and bruising. I believe in true love. I believe in honest, pure, raw, and real true love. Dear God, help me believe you redeem the human heart.

~Cecily Priscilla

"D" for dysfunctional.

2010-06-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when my mind drifts and i think about it, i regret that it never happened. You can determine what "it" is. But really, in my heart, i don't. In my heart, which is so conflicted sometimes (all the time) i know that He had my best interest at heart. So I've been thinking, and i have come to the conclusion that i really i have no idea what i need. I have no idea what is best for me, and what is not...maybe somewhere deep down there's a voice that tells me, but i don't listen to that voice, because that voice rips me from you. I heard that voice before, i heard it so clearly for weeks, i felt that voice nudging me to speak up, to confront...but i didn't.

No one in this word infuriates me more than you do, and that fact really annoys me. Punching you would be so sweet, hugging you is my fantasy...tell me, what the hell am i supposed to do with that? Should love really make you so angry, so pissed off, so furious and frustrated? I want to throw you up against a brick wall, steal the breathe from your lungs with my kiss...you always were so twisted dear, but so am i. Look what you have me thinking love, what you make me feel...anger, and desire all at the same time. It's not right. I thought it was going to be different. Maybe i was wrong...but i think i am right, love is not, and can not, be a fruitless fight. Love can't be a circular triangle of mixed emotions and roller coaster premonitions. Love can't be "i think i should stay" and then turn around and say "i think it's best for me to leave". I refuse to accept that love is disposable, and reversible. Love is not bipolar, love is not selfish and cold, like you, like him. This is not what i waited my whole life for. You are not what i am waiting for. And yet, my heart still longs to hold you again...to be near you, and feel you so close to me...to snuggle into you and lay my head against your chest...to hold your hand in mine again. Why? I don't want this. I don't want you. You offered me an illusion, a mirage of you and i...so close, and yet so far away...so fake, yet so deeply burning real. You're not real, you never were. I need real. I deserve more than you offered. I don't want what you have to offer me, i won't settle for less than all of your heart. You won't give me more than your rehearsed lines, i won't give you what's not yours. Nothing has changed has it? Yet, we are so different aren't we? Living on opposite sides of the universe, staring through double sided glass, never in time with each others beat. You are the one that will plague me, i am the one that will always be in your heart. Oh what a tragic tale love is, i only wish i would have known before i let you in...

I would have done things the same.

~Cecily Priscilla

So far away, my friend...i miss you.

2010-06-22T00:59:00.000-07:00

I miss you...it's weird to go from being so close to being so far away. I really just miss you...just you. I want to talk with you, laugh with you...i want us to hang out like we used to. Remember all the jokes, the ones that couldn't have been less funny but always made us cry from laughing so hard? Remember the visits, the car rides, the trips...i remember them so well. I really miss you. It's like we live on separate planets. You and i, we chose different roads. We all chose different roads. You used to be right there running next to me, then somewhere you lost your footing and fell behind. You left me running alone. You left us. Take my hand again, friend. Take my hand, i'm reaching for you. Don't get off the path, stop letting the world turn your head. Come back and run with me again. Come back to us, because i miss you. You left a hole, yes when you left you took a part of my heart, the part that was and is reserved for you, that part of me could never be filled by anyone else, it's yours friend. You are my heart. I miss my friend. I miss my friend so, so dearly. I'm always here for you. You can always call on me, and i will help you run again. I love you...you should know i love you.

~Cecily Priscilla

Summertime spontaneity...oh how you scare me.

2010-06-19T01:08:00.000-07:00

In the summertime i tend to get myself into things then i often wonder "what the hell did i just get myself into??!!" Yeah. Last summer i decided to just say yes to something because it was exciting and i was way too curious and smitten, and for a while (short while) it was great...then it just lead to me getting ignored for a week and a half and getting the "kiss off" (inside joke) with a fifteen minute phone call....not really a moment that made me say "yay", it more made me say "screw you, you selfish, indecisive, dramatic jerk".

However, despite the crappy ending, i wouldn't trade any of the moments that came before, because i really loved every second i got to spend with that person, and those memories made my summer.

So why am i reflecting on a bad past "almost relationship". Well, because i am once again finding myself saying "what the hell did i get myself into?" and i really need to remind myself that taking chances and stepping out of my comfort zone can be a good thing....and my "almost relationship" with a guy i met online is my best example...that's sad...wish i had a more of an exciting example...boys can be so boring.

Anycats, the upcoming things in my life are terrifying me because i feel so unprepared. Change and new things are uncomfortable, i'm scarred of not finding a small bit of comfort in these new things...i'm scarred i won't settle in well...that i won't fit.

I tend to over think things, i think about something over and over so much that i freak out about every little detail and thing that could possibly go wrong. That's why i made the vow to stop over thinking...to just jump. Not easy sometimes, and right now i'm finding it not too easy.

At the beginning of the year i made the commitment to never say "no" to any door that opened in front of me. I made the vow to step right into the unknown...to pursue it. I prayed for change, i asked God to give me new and exciting things...especially after that stupid "15 minute phone call" (that is now a source of humor for myself and my friends). My new year prayer was for new, happy, exciting, and substantial things...things that won't fade away, but things and opportunities that are eternal.

Now, summer again, i see that God is giving me the things i asked Him for...He's giving me so much, so many opportunities to give, and love, and serve, and grow. God is giving me "new", He's giving me "exciting" and He's giving me "substance". And i can't wait to see what is next.

BUT, while God is trying to work in my life, i am terrified of what that means for me...what that means for my comfort. It's going to be a lot of work, and it's going to be sticky and messy and weird and awkward...but, can't i handle that? I mean, i pretty darn good with "awkward" and "weird". So yes, i can handle that. I am a very strong woman of God, and i can handle anything that comes my way, so long as i am connected and following my Lord. I have overcome many things, i can take on the world. Everything is scary when you first try it. One thing i learned is that every single person feels awkward...everyone is just trying to find their place...and i find so much comfort in knowing that! lol. I just have to remind myself of it.

So, i will step out. I will take a deep breathe, and get into this messy, beautiful, and sometimes uncomfortable world. And i will have fun. Yes, i will have fun and smile while i am learning new things and experiencing the doors that God has opened for me. I will discover what He wants to teach me though all the newness, and i will bring that knowledge back with me.

I pray once again dear Father, please bring me new and beautiful things, bring me exciting and happy smile things. Please use my life, use all of me, for Your glory and purpose. I want to be Your hands and feet to this world, so take me where You want me to be. Only let me say what You want me to say, and do only what You want me to do. I dedicate this time in my life to You God, my Savior, my King, my Love. Take me on an adventure, Father. Let my life be one of substance and eternal truths, let my life be a testament to Your saving grace. Be with me dear Lord, don't ever leave my side for a second, i need You right now, i need You with me so i can do these things. Please take my hand, and hold my heart, and protect me from harm and emotional pain. Heal the things in me that hurt, take my shame, pain, rejection, fear, anger, insecurity, and every thing that blocks You from me. Heal it all and make it shine with Your light. Make my life a beautiful portrait of You. I love you Lord, I love you so much. I praise you Father, for You are Truth. You set me free. Thank you for loving me. Please continue to be with me through all these changes. In Jesus mighty name i pray, Amen.

~Cecily Priscilla

Discontented dreams and scattered thoughts…

2010-06-09T04:06:00.001-07:00

Tonight I'm feeling a bit frustrated, i guess some things have been on my mind lately. I had a couple sucky dreams last night, one was another one of my reoccurring tornado dreams, and the other,well...it just left me in a weird mood all day. You know those dreams that you have that seem so real, you can feel everything as if it were happening...and then you wake up and realize that it was just all a dream, and it's not real....yeah i had one of those dreams last night. I hate those dreams the most, they leave you feeling discontent and dissatisfied. They leave you in a daze, and they leave you wanting.

I don't know why i feel like i should apologize for feeling these feelings, because i know they are valid. But i feel like i shouldn't feel them, that it is selfish, foolish, and childish (that's a lot of "ish's") to feel this way.

I'm so ready for change. I'm so ready for new and exciting. Not that i don't like my life right now, because i actually do like it a lot....i love the new and amazing things God has given me...He has given me a youth ministry and i am just loving it! But, i am ready for a new stage in my life, and i think God has been preparing for some of it...all of it. And I'm ready for it. Turning 21 really did that to me; it made me ready to live. And live i shall, there is so much life to live...so much to feel and experience.

Anyhow,i feel a bit detached today...and a bit scared? Sometimes i really freak out at the possibility of opening up to people, especially new people. Today i was doing some thinking about the future and instantly the first thing that went through my head was "I'm not going let anyone get too close to me! I'm not going to open up!". Wow. I thought i was waaaay past that. I guess I'm not...at least sometimes. I sometimes want to just close my heart off, just put up walls...i want to be stubborn...i want to just brush off emotion. But yet, i long to be known. I long to be held, and loved. I long to talk, and share, and connect. I am a very relational person, i thrive on human connection, i need to know people, and i need them to know me. I very much love people, i love their diversity and uniqueness, and i love meeting new people who then become new friends. But, i have no more tolerance left in me to keep getting hurt and being taken for granted. I really just am a bit nervous to get to know someone, because in my experience people are incredibly fickle and selfish, and they leave when they get restless. This i know is their problem and not mine, but still, it doesn't feel too great when i get the brunt of it. But, i am not a cynic (or at least i try not to be), and i know that there are amazing people out there who are not so crappy. How do i know this? Well, because i have some of the most beautiful and special, and wonderful people in my life. My friends and family are the most incredible people i know, and i am beyond blessed to know them and have such a deep and special connection with them. They are my heart. So, in conclusion, i will keep on opening my heart...like i can help it anyway, it's just who i am, i can't help but to love and share.

*Sigh* I'm sleepy. So this blog is now going to end, because i have to get to sleep and then wake up and live my life with the beautiful people God has given me. And who knows what tomorrow may hold anyway...i may bake some cupcakes…or maybe that Paula Dean frosting i just saw on her show today….and then there's a couple other new recipes i want to try out. And i have to study for my youth meeting I'm leading on Sunday, so that should be...interesting? lol. But, maybe somewhere in there, there will be something new and spontaneous...something exciting. Something to giggle about, because i quite love giggling. Cheers!

~Cecily Priscilla

New and Beautiful...

2010-05-13T04:00:00.000-07:00

It's funny, after looking back on some of my old journal/blog entries from April and May of last year i realized something; i thought i knew what God was telling me then...i found out i was half right, but He was teaching me and preparing me for so much more than i ever could have imagined then. May of last year was a horrible month that i cringe at thinking back on, but i grew spiritually during that time. Thank you Jesus for the painful times, because that's when my walls and defences come undone and i finally see you, i am drawn to you, and then i become who you created me to be...i become more like You. You make all things new.

Our God makes all things new. He makes all things beautiful in it's time. I love that. He can take the most horrible situations and the most painful things, and bring His redemptive touch to it and it's new and beautiful again. Our God is lovely and i'm continuously in awe of Him.

Revelation 21:5 "Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." And He said to me, "Write, for these words are true and faithful."

New and beautiful, your redemption makes me new -

God makes all things beautiful in it's time. Oh God make me beautiful in your eyes. Through all life's trials and wounds, through all the storms and lightning strikes. And through every drop of blood and every tear, and every scar, make your perfect light shine through, and make my cut and bruised heart new. For it is in your eyes i long to dwell, in your presence i make my home, so please dear Jesus make me a beautiful heart and bring your light to shine out the filth and dirt. I am broken, Father. I am lying filthy in the mud. But you pick me up and dance with me. You give me new garments and wash me clean, you make me feel beautiful again.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
"He has made everything beautiful in its time."

Isaiah 61:10 "I will be full of joy in the Lord, my soul will be glad in my God; for he has put on me the clothing of salvation, covering me with the robe of righteousness, as the husband puts on a fair head-dress, and the bride makes herself beautiful with jewels."

Zechariah 3:4 "And he spoke and said unto those that stood before him, saying, Take away the filthy garments from off him. And unto him he said, See, I have caused thine iniquity to pass from thee, and I clothe thee with festival-robes."

~Cecily Priscilla

A Walk Down Pop Music Memory Lane - My Pop Music Playlist

2010-04-23T23:26:00.000-07:00

Last night i was reading through some blogs on Xanga and came across one that a girl had posted listing her favorite pop songs of the '90's and early 2000's. I loved reading through this girls list, it brought back so many memories! I was a huge bubble gum popper back in '98-2000, probably because my older sister Krystal was too...i blame her! Anycats, because both Krys and i were huge '90's pop fans we decided to make a playlist of our own favorite songs from that time. All the songs on the lists remind me of dancing around my room with my best friend, pretending that we were "famous" singers lol, or riding around town with Krys and our cousins Erika, Pam, and Ashley, just laughing about random things...and me telling them how they were never going to marry Justin Timberlake haha. Fun times!!! So here's to going down memory lane...pop style! haha. As Switchfoot would say "You can shut your ears and your eyes, but pop will never leave you alone". Cheers!

~Cecily's '90's and Early 2000 Pop Music Playlist~

1.Never Ever - All Saints
2.Candy - Mandy Moore
3.Slave For You - Britney Spears
4.Too Much - Spice Girls
5.Mamma Mia - A Teens
6.Ce st La Vi - Be*witched
7.Smile - Vitamin C
8.Say My Name - Destiny's Child
9.If You Had My Love - Jenifer Lopez
10. Bidi Bidi Bom Bom- Selena
11.So Emotional - Christina Aguilera
12.Talk To Me - Wild Orchid
13.Crush - Jennifer Page
14.Where My Girls At - 702
15.Wanna Be A Baller - Lil Troy
16.Summer Girls - LFO
17.Ray Of Light - Madonna
18.There You Go - Pink
19.Mambo Number 5 - Lou Bega
20.Scrubs - TLC

~Honorable Mentions~

21.Don't Say You Love Me - M2M
22.Miami - Will Smith
23.Como La Flor - Selena

So you'll notice that my list is missing two really popular boy bands from the '90's...Nsync and Backstreet Boys. I HATED both groups..mainly because my sister and cousins LOVED them and that annoyed me...oh how i was tortured by those dang boys music! BUT, my playlist felt incomplete without including at least one song by each group. So here is, the only two songs that i kinda liked by two boy bands i hated.

1. Girlfriend - *Nsync
2. Everybody - Backstreet Boys

~Krystal's 90's and Early 2000 Pop Music Playlist ~

1. I Want You Back - *Nsync
2. Everybody - Backstreet Boys
3. (You Drive Me) Crazy - Britney Spears
4. Genie In A Bottle - Christina Aguilera
5. The Things You Do - 5ive
6. Talk To Me - Wild Orchid
7. I'll Be There For You - Solid Harmonie
8. Summer Girls - LFO
9. Never Ever - All Saints
10. Viva Forever - Spice Girls
11. Crush - Jennifer Paige
12. Someday - Sugar Ray
13. My favorite Mistake - Sheryl Crow
14. Uninvited - Alanis Morissette
15. The Music Sounds Better With You - Stardust
16. Mirror, Mirror - M2M
17. Waiting For Tonight - Jennifer Lopez
18. Candy - Mandy Moore
19. I'm Gonna Love You Forever - Jessica Simpson
20 (Tie) Kiss Me - Sixpence None The Richer & Rollercoaster - Be*Witched

~Honorable Mention ~
22. Scrubs - TLC
23. Torn - Natalie Imbruglia

~Hated Pop Songs ~
1. Livin' La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin
2. MMMBop - Hanson

~Cecily Priscilla

Beautiful Again...

2010-03-03T00:30:00.000-08:00

At times of brokenness i find myself feeling unpretty, i don't feel beautiful when i am broken down and thrown out. If i am to be completely honest, sometimes i feel as beautiful as used up trash, crumpled up and thrown away in the dump. Life makes me feel like that sometimes, people and situations make me feel used. Dirt and mud in my cuts and scrapes, my face scuffed. I long to feel beautiful again. I long to feel clean and pure, my heart and mind, and soul longs to be cleansed. I desperately want to feel beautiful again, not outwardly, but inwardly beautiful...i want to be redeemed, baptized in the grace and purity of The Almighty God. Bright, shinny and new. Pure, set apart and renewed. Like sunrise on the first day of Spring, new and golden. Breathing in fresh pure air.

"Arise sweet daughter, morning's sunrise is on the horizon, you're just as stunning. You're becoming free, just like I intended. So be free my precious daughter, run and take all creation in, it's for you. Morning's sunrise is always new" my Father tells me, "Just like Your mercies" i say back. "Just like your future", my Father replies.

Sunrises are beautiful things...new beginnings and redemption are too.

I want to be held by someone who won't leave me. I long to feel protected and safe. Beautiful and valued, that's how i want to see myself, that's how i want to be treated. My heart above all else is scarred up, it has so many cuts and bruises, many, way too many, have been there since i was a child. Other scars are fresh and healing, others by the grace of God have healed. To be healed, to be whole and beautiful, to be loved...oh how those words leave me feeling so empty. Words are not my favorite things, i prefer actions. I don't put much stock in the words that are spoken to me, especially when they are coming from the mouth of a man, i never have. I need to see. I need action, not pretty words, not temporary apologies that all to soon turn into knifes and stab my soul once again. Show me you love me, show me in how you treat me, show me in respect and honor. Listen to me, and trust my thoughts and ideas. Care for me, but know that i am strong and can take care of myself. Don't control me. Don't hover over me and keep tabs. Don't make judgements, but let me make my own choices, my own mistakes. Let me have my own opinions, ideas, and personality. Embrace me, all of my heart and mind, and love me despite my flaws, praying them away instead of cutting them with your sharp tongue. Encourage me, tell me you believe in me, and that you're by my side no matter the outcome. When i cry, lend me your shoulder, and wipe my tears away. Talk to me when i'm upset, and listen to me rant, giving sound advice when needed. And hug me, take me in your arms, and hug me so very, very tightly. That's what i want, that's what i've always needed.

My Heavenly Father gives me all of those things and more, and yet, i still want it here on earth...My Abba will supply all my needs accordingly. I love my Savior, i love him so very deeply.

~ Cecily Priscilla

Sometimes...I Want To Punch You...

2010-03-02T02:50:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i want to punch you. We're are never on the same page, and when i'm here you're not and when you're there i'm not...and it's all so screwed up and nonsensical. Your words are like knifes even when they're pretty, even when they are not directed at me. Your words which used to sooth me and make me so happy, now just serve to kill me...they sting, sting more than i could have ever imagined. They knock the breath out of me, but then again, you have always knocked the breath out of my lungs...in every good and bad way. Why can't you just go away, go away...i don't want you to go away, i can't let you go.

And everything just makes me anxious. And everything just makes me cry. Why did you hurt me so deeply, why did you never say the word "goodbye". You did it to save your own skin, you did it to keep the door open. But honey, this door is tattered and stripped. And it's getting cracked and unhinged from trying to fight gravity and stay open waiting for you to come through it. So "let me pull it closed, let me nail it shut", is what i pray to our dear God. But even when i pray those words to make you wash away, a second later i'm praying for a second chance with your cold heart.

When you are here, it feels as if you are sucking the life out of me, my soul pulls and my breath becomes shallow. The tears in my eyes i can not contain, and they run down my check. The blood in my veins you do take my dear, leaving me nothing to sustain my heart and mind. And then, just as quick as you came, you disappear in the night, and my breath returns and my lungs inflate. I gasp as i breathe life in again, tired, and my limbs blue. I'm light headed and dizzy, spinning, spinning, spinning from the throws, punches and twists of your love. You honey, knock the breath out of me. Missing you sweet friend, makes me dead and then brings me to life again, i become the walking dead because i can't wash your poison from my veins.

~ Cecily Priscilla

Songs From The Cd Player I Call My Mind, Aka, My Playlists

2010-02-13T02:35:00.000-08:00

So it's no secret to my friends and family that i adore making mix cds, i think everyone i know or have known has at least 3 mixes from me lol. It's a passion of mine. My dream is to one day pursue a career in radio so arranging playlists just seems like an important thing to do. When i make a mix i spend hours choosing the right songs and arranging them in the perfect order...the order of a track listing is so important and it can make or break a cd. The track order can create a mood if done right, it can inspire feelings of hope, happiness, healing, or motivation. When i give someone a mix i am giving a part of myself to that person, i am giving a bit of my heart through a cd. I also love receiving mixes, my friend Amanda and i send mixes back and forth to each other (we live hours apart) and i love it. I always look forward to receiving a mix made by her for me, and i enjoy personalizing a playlist with her in mind. You learn a lot about someone through the songs they listen to and choose to share with you. So since i have such a passion for mixes i thought i'd start posting my playlists here in my blog. I hope you take the time and check out the songs for yourselves, and maybe burn the mix on a cd of yours. Cheers!

I will focus on two mixes today, the first is one that i just finished but had been written in my mind for a while now.

Playlist Title: "All dolled up and ready to take over the world, yo! Or at least make you pray i was yours, baby"

Getting ready for your day is important, the way you present yourself to the world says who you are and shows what you think of yourself. But you can't just have the look, yes the makeup and hair is important, but you must have the attitude, you must be sassy. And to get you in that sassy "I'm adorable and unique, and i can take you on" attitude, you must have the right music playing while you go about your beauty routine. This is my perfect "get ready" mix, each song gets me in a playful and rockin mood, and leaves me feeling sassy,sexy,beautiful,feminine, and most importantly confident, encouraged, and empowered.

Track Listing:

1. I Think I'm Paranoid - Garbage
2. Lithium - Nirvana
3. Oh! Emetophobia - Showbread
4. One Girl Revolution - Superchick
5. Free To Be Me - Francesca Battistelli
6. Hush - Inhabited
7. Fever - Family Force 5
8. Juice Box - The Strokes
9. Beautiful - Tristan Prettyman and Jason Mraz
10. I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry
11. Girls Just Want To Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
12. Motion - Plumb
13. Shine - Krystal Meyers
14. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
15. Hello - Hawk Nelson
16. Right Round - Flo Rida
17 Make D*** Sure - Taking Back Sunday
18. You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette
19. London Bridge - Fergie
20. Dance Dance Dance - Lykke Li
21. Rock 'N Roll Queen - The Subways
22. Superstar - Stephanie Smith

The next mix i'm posting is one from last year, created on August 4th '09, it has some good memories attached.

Paylist Title: "August '09 Sort of Road Trip Mix"

So this is one of my very favorite mixes i've made, personally i think every song fits just right. It has just the right amount of upbeat to mellow ratio, filled with some dance, rock, pop,and melodic songs. I made it for a sort of road trip with someone back in August of '09, and though we talked through most of it lol, the person i was driving with enjoyed it, and that made me very happy.

Track Listing:

1. Juicebox - The Strokes
2. Drive My Car - The Beatles
3. California - Hawk Nelson
4. If I Ever Leave This World Alive - Flogging Molly
5. Summertime - Mae
6. Bring Em Out - Hawk Nelson
7. Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
8. Rewind - Deas Vail
9. Play It Loud - Mxpx
10. Oh! Emetophobia - Showbread
11. Trollywood - Eisley
12. Hot Cooking - G-Love
13. Make D*** Sure - Taking Back Sunday
14. Soul Meets Body - Death Cab For Cutie
15. Car Song - Elastica
16. Mouth Like A Magazine - Showbread
17. I Woke Up In A Car - Something Corporate
18. Rock 'N Roll Queen - The Subways
19. Are You Going To Be My Girl - Jet
20. Late Show - Hawk Nelson
21. Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve
22. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - Anberlin (The Smiths cover)

~ Cecily Priscilla

Brokenhearted, believe.

2010-02-08T02:55:00.000-08:00

I wrote this sometime in early October '09, it was inspired by watching the music video for Britt Nicole's song "Believe". It turned into a sort of letter to myself, and to you, a reminder that when pain comes you always have hope, for God makes all things new, you just have to believe.

Oh brokenhearted, believe in love again. Oh confused, start to see from God's view. Oh desperate and seeking, lonely and bleeding, believe. Just believe, and hope, and rest, and receive...and never stop. Never forget, oh no, dear heart, don't you ever, ever forget, that there is a reason for you. There is a reason. And there is a hope. There is love in the midst of pain. Imitations may come, and they may leave you in pieces, but know that real unconditional, never changing and everlasting love is right there with you, And His name Abba, our Father. His name is Jehovah-raah, our shepherd. His name is Jehovah-shalom, our peace. His name is Jehovah-rophe, our healer. His name is God Almighty. His name is Love.

~ Cecily Priscilla

Silent Company...

2010-02-05T01:43:00.000-08:00

I feel like being quiet tonight friend, it seems as though you do too, though i can't help but think that you deep down feel like talking all night...and i must confess that deep down i feel like talking all night with you. But maybe tonight silence is what we need, maybe we should just sit back and enjoy each others silent company...like we used to.

I'm not sure what we're doing here, what is going on. What are you thinking? Are my intentions looking clear?

~ Cecily Priscilla

Always rebuild...

2010-01-14T04:54:00.000-08:00

It's funny how you can go from seeing or talking to someone everyday and then all of a sudden,or maybe slowly, you lose contact. You drift apart, or you have a blow out fight that your relationship never recovers from, or things just get awkward, and you and that person that you were once so close to, that you once called friend/family are nothing more than awkward acquaintances. I hate that. I love my friends and family, and when i care for and love somebody, i deeply care for and love them, and that just makes it harder when they drift away. I was thinking about how a few years ago my aunt and uncle came over to my house to visit with my parents, we served them some Celestial Bars that we had just made, my aunt and uncle looooved them and it made me so happy...but that wasn't the only reason i was happy, i just liked having my aunt and uncle in my home laughing and talking...things were good then. However, they soon got screwed up once again, and now we really have a pretty non existent relationship with them...it makes me sad. It also makes me sad that i haven't seen my one time best friend that i grew up with in a year, i miss her so deeply. I makes me sad that people that i used to have such a wonderful connection with now feel so far away that i wonder if we even still live on the same planet...i long to talk with them again, to hear their voice and their laugh, i long to connect with them again like we once did. I miss those special people. And most of all what makes me sad is that it doesn't have to be that way. Relationships require building. When you care for someone you will do whatever you have to to build that relationship. If there are no hammers and nails in sight then you will go hunt some down or make your own, but you will not give up, no that person is way to important to you, there is no being lazy, you get busy building. And, if one day things start to fall apart again, you fix them. If a hurricane comes and brings the whole thing down, you pick up the pieces and rebuild. Love means picking each other up out of the rubble, out of the dirt, and standing next to one another on the other side and saying "This was a heck of a storm, and things are destroyed, but we will get back up, we will rebuild what is broken. We are not going to die". I hope i can always find the courage to build. I don't want to ever let things lay broken.

We used to be friends once, still i remember those days, when you and i were so close. Now, we are next to nothing, so sad to say. And i know you are thinking the same thing, asking "how did we let it get this way?". We never saw it coming, did we? We never even saw the smoke, but we sure felt the flame. I miss you my friend, i miss you here. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss your wit. Most of all i miss your wonderful heart, which has seemed to have changed...it seems so dark now. Where is that light that once radiated through you? I hope you get that light back, and i hope it will shine so bright that it leads me straight to you.

There's too much debris, and i feel like i can't see you through the dust from the storm. Oh how i wish you would give me your hand, i would give you mine so willingly, but you make it to where it can't even reach for you. Reach out for me my dear friend, and i will be there ready to rebuild. Oh maybe dear, maybe you could pick up that hammer and i could get the nails, and we could climb that ladder and we could see how it feels, to start brand new. To see redemption's hand right there before us, in this deserted land that we destroyed with our own weapons, called selfishness, resentment, and blame. Oh yes, we brought it all out, we brought every weapon we could find. We tied it all up with awkwardness and avoidance, just to make it sure it would hold. Oh, we humans, we are our own worst enemies, we self sabotage every thing good, just so we can save our own skin. But my sweet and dear friend, i love you too much to let you go, i love you too much to let this storm take what we hold so dear. So i will fight my friend, i will fight for you and i, fight for the smiles we shared and the tears we cried, i will fight for the jokes we made and the days we spent completely happy in each others presence. I will fight because i need you, and you need me. God gave us to each other, oh yes, our Lord knows all, he knew we would need each other to get through all life's triumphs and pain. So that's why my friend, i will not ever let us crumble and lay on the ground. Please tell me you feel the same way...i want to build with you again...

~ Cecily Priscilla

Strong and oh so sweet...remember those stars? They look like my thoughts tonight.

2010-01-02T00:44:00.000-08:00

I have to say i feel quite exhausted right now, and have been feeling that way all day. I'm going to revert to my 4 year old little girl self and complain a bit.

I didn't sleep well last night, not that i really ever do sleep well, but i woke up last night and felt a bit...scared. I'm not sure why, but i just had a frightened feeling, i had to sleep with my lamp on, which i haven't done in a while. Other than that i feel just plain drained. And sick. I woke up feeling really sick yesterday, and then got a migraine early today which just further angered my already annoyed stomach.

I want to go on a vacation. I want to stay on the 5th floor of a pretty hotel, in a city that i love...or maybe one i haven't been to...hmm. I want to walk around a city and explore it, stopping at random shops and bakeries. I want to take pictures by telephone poles and random buildings that i think look cool because they are covered in flyer's and painted all red and black and awesome. I want to go get coffee at a place other than Starbucks, and sit and watch the people go in and out and try and figure out what type of music they listen to just by the drink they order and the way the are dressed. The last time i stayed in a hotel was in...err...August? wow that was a while ago. It was a good hotel, they had warm white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies at the front desk! that made me and Crys very happy. I liked that hotel, i shall go back if given the chance. Anycats, i want to get away for awhile i suppose, i just need that right now. I have so many thoughts running through my mind lately...so many decisions to make...so many things to surrender...so many tears, good and bad, that i feel need to be purged. There are so many different choices i can make right now, it's a bittersweet thing, more sweet than bitter though, but it's also really overwhelming at times. I'm sure i'll expand more later, but right now i just needed to rant, and now i'm going to bed.

I just want to curl up and be held while i cry myself to a deep restful sleep. I need refreshing. I need to be held by my strong saviour and redeemer tonight.

Oh those stars, look at them now, they are my song tonight. You see, the song that is in my heart was too loud for me to contain, so God turned my song into beautiful sparkling stars, and gave them to me. But i couldn't hold onto them, i wasn't meant to. So i sent those sweet stars out to you, to sing softly to you the song that i have never told. The melody is familiar isn't it? Oh yes, it feels like you. Look for my stars, they're all around you, i pray that they surround you.

~ Cecily Priscilla

Life is short, so wear a dress

2009-12-05T01:24:00.000-08:00

I really feel like getting all dolled up and going out to dinner with my family...we all did that in May, sort of by accident...it's long story really. We were on our way to go to my cousins wedding, but ended up not being able to go due to the fact that we couldn't find the church lol not good! We were all really disappointed about not being able to attend the wedding...i really wanted to see my cousin get married! Plus we were hungry and reception food sounded good lol. So while driving through Columbus on our way back home we found this Mexican grill named Los Cabos, and we were already dressed up so we decided to go a head and stop for dinner. It was late in the evening so the place was pretty crowded, and i was a bit hesitant since i hate loud chaotic environments, but this place won me over. To be honest, i'm not much of a fan of Mexican food, i'm half Mexican so growing up that was all we ever had and i became kind of tired of it, but the food at Los Cabos was quite great! My sister Crystal (who i call Crys...or bunny....or freak on most days) and i shared The Texas Burrito, and it was mmm!

(Salsa...mmm...)

Mostly though, i enjoyed the atmosphere the best, it was quite classy for a Mexican restaurant, and i loved being there all dolled up with my family. There is something so special about going out with family and friends and just laughing while wearing a pair of great high heels and the blue dress you bought that instantly became your favorite dress...it felt so classy (The first photo in the blog is of my sister Crystal and i sitting in the restaurant...i'm in that favourite blue dress..happy!). And i loved the fact that we had never been to that restaurant nor had we ever been to the town it was in, we just stumbled upon it...I want to do it again! It was so unexpected and random...like an adventure of sorts. I love getting dressed up in a dress and heels and then going out and having a great night with my favorite people. My family and i want to make a once a month tradition of getting dressed up and going out to dinner...i hope we do it :)

(My mom and i in the car on the way to my cousins wedding)

(She made me laugh right when we were taking the picture...oh mom haha)

~ Cecily Priscilla

Love Notes, Rainy Days, Sunsets, And Waves...

A photo a day keeps the battyness away...

Salsa,tums, and love...

To sail…

Submit to the process

Nothing sad…

Jumbled heart, jumbled head…

Hosea 2:19-20

Summer sun brings changes– Snap shots from my life as of late…

Fishies…

Though it tarries…

Early birthday cows and cupcakes…:)

Summer To Do List :)

~Summer To Do List ~

Purr…:)

You were right after all...

Cecily’s Slightly Sarcastic Dating Rules Part. 2…oh yes baby, there’s more…

Flowers, bible school, and life…

Diving deep

Creativity comes from the things you lack…

He makes all things new…

Most hated and most swoon worthy love songs…*Ffft, purr purr, ffftt*

A heart with no nets…

Beautiful you…:)

Dark and Light

Coffee and Boys – A Bitter Drink of Bad Memories

Top 5 Most Stylish Women in Christian Music

2010 in review – A year of change, growth, and happiness (Part 2)

August:

September:

November:

December:

2010 in review – A year of change, growth and happiness (Part 1)

January:

March:

April:

May:

July:

With you, all my scars fade to love….

Frozen walls

A woman is an ocean of feelings…

2 am honesty…

I think we should spend some time together darling…

What needs to be said…

Haunting Halloween Playlist

I want to sing to you, friend/Love always protects

To simply love...

To meet you in a song...

The freedom to be...

Chasing your choices, and losing truth…

Where there is a heart, there is no distance...

A disclaimer, my dear...

Poison and Ashes

Again, my mind drifts to...

The Water...

It's times like these - Changes and Wild Horses...

Cecily's slightly sarcastic and slightly awkward dating rules (a running list)

Things to live by - I will remember; i am loved, i am strong, i am sassy!

To find you / I believe in LOVE.

"D" for dysfunctional.

So far away, my friend...i miss you.

Summertime spontaneity...oh how you scare me.

Discontented dreams and scattered thoughts…

New and Beautiful...

A Walk Down Pop Music Memory Lane - My Pop Music Playlist

Beautiful Again...

Sometimes...I Want To Punch You...

Songs From The Cd Player I Call My Mind, Aka, My Playlists

Brokenhearted, believe.

Silent Company...

Always rebuild...

Strong and oh so sweet...remember those stars? They look like my thoughts tonight.

Life is short, so wear a dress

Most hated and most swoon worthy love songs…Ffft, purr purr, ffftt