It's funny how you can go from seeing or talking to someone everyday and then all of a sudden,or maybe slowly, you lose contact. You drift apart, or you have a blow out fight that your relationship never recovers from, or things just get awkward, and you and that person that you were once so close to, that you once called friend/family are nothing more than awkward acquaintances. I hate that. I love my friends and family, and when i care for and love somebody, i deeply care for and love them, and that just makes it harder when they drift away. I was thinking about how a few years ago my aunt and uncle came over to my house to visit with my parents, we served them some Celestial Bars that we had just made, my aunt and uncle looooved them and it made me so happy...but that wasn't the only reason i was happy, i just liked having my aunt and uncle in my home laughing and talking...things were good then. However, they soon got screwed up once again, and now we really have a pretty non existent relationship with them...it makes me sad. It also makes me sad that i haven't seen my one time best friend that i grew up with in a year, i miss her so deeply. I makes me sad that people that i used to have such a wonderful connection with now feel so far away that i wonder if we even still live on the same planet...i long to talk with them again, to hear their voice and their laugh, i long to connect with them again like we once did. I miss those special people. And most of all what makes me sad is that it doesn't have to be that way. Relationships require building. When you care for someone you will do whatever you have to to build that relationship. If there are no hammers and nails in sight then you will go hunt some down or make your own, but you will not give up, no that person is way to important to you, there is no being lazy, you get busy building. And, if one day things start to fall apart again, you fix them. If a hurricane comes and brings the whole thing down, you pick up the pieces and rebuild. Love means picking each other up out of the rubble, out of the dirt, and standing next to one another on the other side and saying "This was a heck of a storm, and things are destroyed, but we will get back up, we will rebuild what is broken. We are not going to die". I hope i can always find the courage to build. I don't want to ever let things lay broken.
We used to be friends once, still i remember those days, when you and i were so close. Now, we are next to nothing, so sad to say. And i know you are thinking the same thing, asking "how did we let it get this way?". We never saw it coming, did we? We never even saw the smoke, but we sure felt the flame. I miss you my friend, i miss you here. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss your wit. Most of all i miss your wonderful heart, which has seemed to have changed...it seems so dark now. Where is that light that once radiated through you? I hope you get that light back, and i hope it will shine so bright that it leads me straight to you.
There's too much debris, and i feel like i can't see you through the dust from the storm. Oh how i wish you would give me your hand, i would give you mine so willingly, but you make it to where it can't even reach for you. Reach out for me my dear friend, and i will be there ready to rebuild. Oh maybe dear, maybe you could pick up that hammer and i could get the nails, and we could climb that ladder and we could see how it feels, to start brand new. To see redemption's hand right there before us, in this deserted land that we destroyed with our own weapons, called selfishness, resentment, and blame. Oh yes, we brought it all out, we brought every weapon we could find. We tied it all up with awkwardness and avoidance, just to make it sure it would hold. Oh, we humans, we are our own worst enemies, we self sabotage every thing good, just so we can save our own skin. But my sweet and dear friend, i love you too much to let you go, i love you too much to let this storm take what we hold so dear. So i will fight my friend, i will fight for you and i, fight for the smiles we shared and the tears we cried, i will fight for the jokes we made and the days we spent completely happy in each others presence. I will fight because i need you, and you need me. God gave us to each other, oh yes, our Lord knows all, he knew we would need each other to get through all life's triumphs and pain. So that's why my friend, i will not ever let us crumble and lay on the ground. Please tell me you feel the same way...i want to build with you again...
~ Cecily Priscilla
