Some thoughts....

Hello dear old blog,
It's been a long while. I moved to a new blogging space when i got married that more represents the life i have with my husband. But i miss this place. This place where i have safety and where my heart has been poured out over the years.

So here i am again.

Lately life has been getting ready to change. Or i am getting ready to change. Life has been waiting for me for a while but like always i have been dragging my heels in protest.

In this season i think my biggest challenge is trust and surrender....not that it always hasn't been. If you go back through this blog of mine i am sure you will find very similar thoughts spilled out.

I was reading Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist the other day and she was talking about swimming and how if you are in the ocean and try to stand against a wave it will smash you to bits but if you let it carry you you will be okay. That's where i am in life right now, somewhere between standing with my feet buried in the sand and ready to let go and be carried.

Oh how tired my body is from this clinching of fists and locking of knees. I want to just let go and float and let the waves carry me but i am so scared of the unknown waters.

How beautiful it could be to be as Jesus and say "Into Your hands I commit my spirit".

I know it is time to let God do the growing and sailing. Too long i have been stagnant  and selfish, in love with my own life and time. Not that loving my life is bad, but staying in one place when i know God wants to take me to new waters is. No longer can i be the little girl anymore. It's time to step up. It's time to grow, It's time to see what God has planned.

And i know if i do let go and surrender and trust it could be something more beautiful then i ever imaged.

Father, help me trust in you and your path. Put strength in me to become the woman you intended.


~C

Tangled Trees

What's the difference between truth and lies when they are one in the same?

Can somebody read between these gray lines that tangle through my soul, my heart and my brain.

Because the sky in my muddled mind is turning darker than night and I think I just need to to be held by the stars arms tonight

I just can't seem to understand the point  of fighting so hard in a hopeless fight. When I know the truth and the truth is a part of the lie.

Like tangled trees which are separate yet one in the same, is my muddled heart's hope and my tarnished brain's ache.

Speak Softly

Speak softly to me baby
Hold me close tonight. 
I need to feel close to you 
Need to feel alright.

Lately life has been crazy and we are both tired
So speak softly to me baby
Until the morning light.

I need to feel your soft lips against mine 
And i need to hear you whisper to me tonight. 
To feel your warm breath on my skin 
And to feel wanted, needed and alive again.

You may think me needy 
And i admit it's true 
My sweet boy i just need you.

These days are harsh 
And they have left me burned through 
On this night i just need some sweet talk with you.

So speak softly to me my baby
Please hold me close tonight. 
Tell me you'll always love me 
And this life will be alright.


~CW

To See Beauty

I want to cover my body in paint; beautiful bursts of colors.

I want to swim in the rain and bathe in the sun rays.

Roll in the soft green grass, run through the woods, dip my feet in the cool creak and feel what it is like to truly breathe.

I want to see beauty.

To feel the wind on my skin and the earth under my bare heels, spend the daylight in the sun and the night counting the stars.

I need to feel free, like i have a divine destiny. But these days i feel old and colorless and alone.

I was made to live with reckless abandon, made to dance in white dresses. So where is my dress and where is my adventure? I think I've been looking away from the divine picture.

My soul is tired from these normal days and yet i can't find the will to change.

Then you come in like a cool fall wind, breathe into my lungs and remind me to exhale again.

"You are never consumed" you say, "you are never alone", "my love goes with you wherever you go".

In the stillness of the moment you meet me there and move me to believe your love is truly all i need.

You are the beauty i long to see.



"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” - Lamentations 3:22-24




~CW

Sicky thoughts and overdue emotions...

I feel not so good tonight...sick being one of the reasons. But there are others.

I think that so many times i focus on other people and their well being that i forget about mine. I'm a worrier...if someone i love is in pain that is all i think about. But, in doing that i push off my own emotions and eventually they come up to bite me.

I'm a little overwhelmed with my own feelings as of late...i know  it's the enemy attacking my happiness but i can't help but give in and really believe its true. I strive so much for perfection. I always have  but at this moment in life its is all i want. All these insecurities and wants are popping up and i feel a bit out of control.

Life is a bit stressful right now with my husband having a big project deadline in the next couple months so i know i shouldn't be focusing on my issues but be helping him...but that's just it, when he works a lot all i have is time to focus on my issues.

I'm not sure what it is these days...or maybe i am...idk. I just feel like someone striving for everything and nothing at the same time. Maybe i'm board...maybe i'm lonely...maybe i just feel like i have something to prove. I'm pretty sure its the last one. All i know is i am about to burst in tears...or go on a big shopping binge...neither one will be pretty.

I've discovered something about myself: i am an emotional shopper. Yup. I am not proud of this. Thankfully i also have a hate for spending money so it equals and hasn't gotten bad...i just spend a long time on clothing sites and browse but not buy (that often).

I just feel like if i don't change my life now it will never change, i will feel this way forever and at this moment i don't think i can take that. I'm sick of feeling the way i have for most my life and i want to be over it. Just change it and be done with this crap.

Anycats, i guess i better get my sick self to bed. Hope for new mercies is want keeps me going. Goodnight world.


~Cec

Roots and Shadows

Things are a little weird tonight..rather, I feel a little weird tonight.

Lately I've been thinking about roots..settling down here, planting...belonging. It is want i want so much, but it is so hard!

People have been reaching out to me, which feels great...but it still makes me feel weird. I guess I just feel nervous...it's been a hard year for friendships..and I'm scared to let myself be known.

It's hard for me let people close...I guess I'm scared It won't last. But, over time love has grown for things and for many people and I want to be close...but there is still that wall I keep up...I've said it before and I'll say it again, it is hard to come into a life that already started years ago. Where people of the past are still are present for the people of your future.

Sometimes I feel like i will always be living the shadow of past memories and feelings I don't fit in.

At the same time, I long to fit.,.to be a part of a close knit circle. I want to know and be known. To be family. I want roots. Deep roots. The kind you can't break. I want a family so big. I want to trust, trust that i fit and the past is no longer in the future. I want big family Christmases and photos and kids playing in the snow.

So I guess tonight I am just thinking, about where i feel and where I want to be, and hope they are not too far away.

I also want the slut of an ex my husband has to stop pathetically writing him so we can all move on.

That was honest, but frick it's my blog.

Okay, I should sleep now. Guess its just hard being new. My heart is so overwhelmed with all this new love and feelings.

Sleeping Sweet

I wrote this last September when my now husband and i were apart while we was home in Georgia, and i was home in Texas. So happy i have him with me forever now <3

Sleeping Sweet

Tonight I can’t sleep, I cannot find rest at all. No this midnight hour is not kind, for you are the only thing that is on my mind. I cannot get it to shut down, I can’t get my heart to drown my thoughts of you out.

I am but a lonely girl, I am but a longing heart, wishing to be held in this room so empty, silent, and dark. So tonight I’m going to pretend you are here, no tonight you will not be 16 hours away, tonight in my heart’s mind, right next to me you lay.

Tonight I will pretend your arms are holding me tight, your body is pressed up against mine as I sleep peacefully through the night.

The beat of your heart and the sound of your breathing are so soothing, it is my sweet lullaby; my darling, you have become my midnight song.

A swirling rhythm, a cradling sound; your melody surrounds me my love, and my home I have found.

It is in your strong arms.

As I close my eyes tight I will almost be able to feel your warm breath on my skin, i will make myself believe it is not pretend.

Tonight I will pull you in close and I will snuggle in tight, with my legs wrapped in your legs, I will not move an inch until the call of the morning’s light.

Tonight I will sleep with you next to me, I will cuddle you like I did before, and I then will sleep sweetly once more.

Oh, what lovely sleep you give me.

~Cecily Priscilla

Oh, distance...

It’s in the middle of the work day and I am trying to stay focused but there are too many thoughts in my head. I’ve been pretty emotional these past couple weeks…being away from family around Mother’s Day and my birthday was hard.

I sat out some photos on my work desk of my family’s house in TX, as well as a photo of me, me sister and my cousin from when we were little... I've been finding myself needing to remember these days.

I guess the hardest thing about being so far away is feeling so disconnected. My family and I talk on the phone almost every other night, and have Skype nights once a week, and I try to say up to date with what’s going on in my old town by reading our small town newspaper, but even all that still doesn't seem like enough. It almost feels like when you are on the phone and the other person’s call cuts out and you realize you are talking to silence…being states always feel a lot like silence.

I had a lovely birthday weekend filled with good times with my new in-laws, and quite a romantic and fun day/night with my husband, but due to a misunderstanding on scheduling, my family and I didn't get to talk until later that night, and that’s when I really felt the “dropped call silence” if you will.

I want to find little ways we can all keep in touch and feel a part of each others daily lives; I have a few ideas, but don’t really know if they will solve the problem. My brother in-law is originally from England and has lived here in the states for 10 years or so, I very much admire the close relationship he has kept with his family. I hope to have that too. I suppose it comes in time. Maybe things like this just take a long time to get used to and figure out a new normal.

Okay, thoughts cleared, back to work with me…..

Newness and stuff like that...

So I am “officially ” moved to the peachy state! :) Yes, I left my sweet Texas and moved to the home of sweet tea, aka “The dirty, dirty south, y’all!” :) It has been a very crazy time emotionally …I’m happy because I am officially with my husband, and we are creating our life together…however adjusting has been pretty freaking tricky…

I went to get my hair cut recently…at Great Clips…I miss my hair dresser in Palacios…she rocked my hair and never questioned my not -all that natural hair choices. She knew my hair.

I was thinking today how crazy it is that in just a year my life changed so dramatically…dear cats I had no idea when 2011 started that I would be a wife one year later! Just thinking how much i cried over stupid boys, and how I never thought things were going to change…I really wish I would have known back then that I’d find the bestest man who would love me right, and that my life would change so much…would have saved me some stress and tears! :)

Anycats, looking back, I almost can’t wrap my mind around the changes and events that happened over the last year…my bible school journey, falling in love with a man 3 states away from me and becoming his wife, leaving my family and friends and all that is familiar to start a life in a completely new state...

What my thoughts really come down to I guess are gains and losses I suppose…is it true that something has to die in order for something to come to life?

I guess my mind is a bit active tonight…just missing what I knew. But the thing is, when I had what I knew, I wanted what I didn’t know…funny how that works. Being in a new atmosphere along with being a new member of a family feels weird at times…I feel like an adopted kid or an exchange student…I have all these people calling me family (which by the way, is such a great feeling…my husband’s sister called me sis…It made me happy :) but It still feels a bit odd coming in on something that was started so long ago…

Adjustment is always a bit tricky I suppose. And really, I’ve only been here for a few months…it still feels temporary…like a very real and long vacation of sorts…maybe I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I no longer live with and around my family and friends…but I’m sure that in time it will feel like home…safe and secure, known and loved, and mine….i just hope that comes soon, because I could use that. Thankfully I have my husband and my God for those things, and they fill me when I don’t know how to do something so new.

So, here’s to the journey of a new life and all the crazy hard, and crazy beautiful things that come with it. May God bless it, and use it

~Cecily Priscilla-Rodriguez Wetter :)

(I love using my new name! :)

Reminiscing a bit...

Tonight I can’t really breathe that well…not just because my heart is doing funny things mostly from my meds, but because my heart is feeling too weighed down. I don’t really ever deal with anything…ever. If something hurts or is hard, I push it away and go about life like normal, which works for me…until it refuses to be pushed away any longer and all pops out. These past day’s things I have pushed away have been fighting their way back to the surface. It hasn’t been very pretty to say the least.

Moving to a new state is a tough thing…moving away from everything and everyone you know is even harder.

It’s not at all that I don’t love my new life; being a newlywed with the most awesome man I’ve ever known, and living in a beautiful southern state with the most lovey white pear trees is literally a prayer answered. Marriage is nothing like I thought it would be…it’s so much better and more fun and sweetly sweeter than anything.

However, gosh oh my, not having my family here is hard as hell! I miss them so much! And strangely, I even miss my little town and everything In it….which is not much mind you! I miss our Sonic, and our Subway that my little cousin works at. I miss my sweet bay…which always had the faint (and sometimes not so faint) smell of dead fish, but is where I go to clear my head on my hardest of days, and where I go to feel close to God when I feel numb. That place holds so many special moments for me…some very painful and some very beautiful…I sat on those steps leading out to the water when my dreams fell apart…when my heart was broken by stupid boys, and when I confronted myself for the first time. But i also walked along that sidewalk with my mom and sister, laughing and talking about everything under the sun…so many times just walking, and somehow it made life actually okay, all those walks shaped me. I also walked there with my husband on the first day we met, and held hands with him on the rocks that led out into the water while staring out and thinking that my heart was finally full.

I miss those days.

I miss the things I know so well, because when you are somewhere so new, sometimes you just ache for the familiar…the things that are yours. The things you know so very well. I ache for that right now. For my family that is mine and I can be silly crazy or crappy moody with them and they still love me and know I’m just oddly me. The morning talks I had with my mom, and the late night talks with my sister…the car rides around town listening to crappy top 40 and just being us…I have the most awesome sister and mom, so very fun to be around…so very perfect for me. Gosh, I just miss them….

I ache for the streets I know, and the food I know. My own room with my fluffy white comforter and my awful purple curtains…the bulletin board that held pictures of friends and tickets from rock shows. So many times just going into my room and laying under my blanket with the light on (always on) and making the world disappear for a while was how I dealt…I did that here the other day…it helped, but was not the same.

This post is getting whinny and long, so I suppose I shall stop, but I just needed to say that I miss everyone and everything…and I hope my loved ones knows I think of them every single day, and miss those simple/hard times as well. But, in life, every blessing has its own set of curses…but I in no way want to make it sound like my marriage and new GA life are a curse …no, they are so very beautiful and wonderful and so very magical. The hope and possibilities are endless…the future is so very bright! I have my own family in the making! How freakin’ cool is that! I have someone I go to bed with every night and wake to to every morning…I have a best friend like I never thought possible! So yes, while I’m sad about the past, I’m happy for my future and thankful for my present. And with that, I say goodnight world…and goodnight my sweet Texas.

~Cecily Priscilla

A photo a day keeps the battyness away...

In order in keep record of life with my being back and forth from Texas to Georgia and figuring out life, i have decided to start keeping a photo a day log. My hope is that it will help me slow down and sit back enough to focus on what is around me, as well as the small joys and oddness that make my life...well, my life :) I stared this about a week ago, but just haven't uploaded the photos yet, ha. So here is my back log of photos from my odd life :) Hope you enjoy :)

~

Day 1

A beginning of the year self shot is important in my opinion, tis nice to look back at the end of the year and see how much you've changed. On this day i was wearing Chason's Baylor University tee...yes,i gotta represent my state, don't ya know ;) This is probably one of my favorite tees of his to steal...after the one he wore when we first met anyway :)

Day 2

I can't be the only girl who finds the way her man drinks Starbucks hot...right? Something about the cup colors and the name, combined with the hotness of the guy...i get giggly :)

Day 3

Black berries have become my favorite breakfast, lunch, and snack food! I find them best after a few days of sitting in the fridge, they get a sweeter flavor. I love their squishy-ness :)

Day 4

Mr. Scary grass fire face :) Chason had a little too much fun when we grilled out...This is the result of his fascination for fire and knack for giving me a panic attack...i hate fire. Twas quite the nice night though, grilled steak, sauteed spinach was the menu. We also made a new vinaigrette recipe i had just found, i'm not too much for salad, but with a great vinaigrette, i'm all in :)

Day 5

The epitome of snugly :)

Day 6 (Yesterday)

I've been taking care of Chason's parents cats while they went out of state, feeding them and cleaning their litter...which brings me to a thought; does anyone realize how backwards it is that we humans, scoop up animal poo? Most of the time while they sit and watch, mocking us with their stares, knowing that they have all power...it just seems like it it should be the other way around...animals clean up human crap, ya know?...but, they are furry and we are not (Some of us) so i guess they win.

Point is; it's been non stop rainy and i've been scooping up cat poo, along with dealing with my own crap...life crap, not, well, the other kind of crap...Sooo, stress has been ultra high...emotions have been pretty intense, and there are just so many changes and things on my plate.

Yesterday morning Chason had a business meeting and had to run some errands and i decided to stayed at the house. It was rainy like whoa, the internet and satellite were down, and i wasn't feeling well. I was quite lonely...Texas time was 8am and no one i know is awake or able to talk then. I love my man and can't wait to start our new life here in the peach state, but it is hard being alone here...apart from him, i have no one here...a cousin yes, but i'm not super close to him yet. Relationships are hard right now...which is more pie than i can slice into here, but yeah...it's hard sometimes.

Thankfully, that morning i went to go clean up cat poo, and found Lewis (orange kitty) in when he wasn't supposed to be. Though this morning i think God let him in, because he came up to me, purred and sat on my lap as i cuddled and squeezed him like a teddy bear. I'v never seen a more cuddly and sweet cat. He, along with Little Bit (other kitty), kept me company and made me smile and laugh...it was like the sunshine i needed on that gray day. Sometimes it's the little things (and the furry things) that make a difference :)

Day 7 (today)

Chason had another meeting this morning, though this time i tagged along and waited in the car. Of course we made a very necessary trip to Starbucks before his meeting, and got our normal hot chocolate (his) and iced white mocha (mine), as well as tried the cheese and fruit bistro box..twas quite the delight and made us very happy on this early morning...mmm cheese and fruit...what is better? :) I'm thinking of getting a new usual Starbucks drink though, i mean i love my white mocha, but i'm feeling like a new season in life deserves a new drink. Any suggestions? I've already done the caramel macchiato and caramel frap, which were '08 and '09's drinks...am i the only person who likes to change Starbucks drinks by the year? Hmm....

Oh look, we are all caught up now :) Yay :) Till the morrow blog peoples :)

~Cecily Priscilla

Salsa,tums, and love...

So it's 5am and I'm awake eating a pumpkin empanada ( thanks to my good friend's mom) trying to get my sick/ hungry tummy and acid reflux to quite down...it's been a long day and after Christmas shopping and downing salsa & wheat thins for a late night snack ( very bad idea), and choking ( literally...thought I wasn't gonna make it) Tums and pepto down I am beginning to gain a bit of perspective on a very frustrating day/ past few months. The thing I'm learning in life is that situations are only as big and complicated as you allow them to be. And often times it just takes you stepping back from the issue to breathe and realize what is truth and what are the lies you are letting take ahold of your mind. I can sometimes be so quick to anger and ready to throw in the towel when I'm hurt or afraid. I don't like that about myself. I don't like saying things I know I don't mean. And I don't like walking out when life gets tough. We take so much for granted, and we are so petty and ready to lash out. And by "we" I mean me. It's crazy how we can become self fulfilling prophesies if we let our minds go free when we are confronted with an uncomfortable situation. I realized tonight how much my own crazy mind can damage myself and my relationships. I can be so one-sided and self focused, and that is not at all what I am called to be...I'm supposed to be a reflection of Jesus, the one true and pure love. Being love to someone is so much more important then I have been acting...for "the greatest of these is love" . God has richly blessed me this year... He has given me more then I could have dreamed, and yet instead of taking the time out to treat it with the upmost care, I run. I refuse to do that anymore. I won't let God's beautiful blessing become something the enemy steals away. I choose love . Lord help me always choose love. - Cecily Priscilla

To sail…

Have you ever wanted to just sail away, in the ocean so blue? When gray skies cloud your days and emotions drown you. When tired tears are all you have, and tired eyes have given out, don’t you want to just sail away? This is what I dream about...

A big boat with room only for two, a soaring sail white and torn, proudly displaying its tattered ends from many storms.

Star filled skies to let our thoughts rest upon, salty air to breathe; the ocean breeze would cool our skin, as we find the chance to begin again.

What a blessed thing to know, the sweet freedom that comes as the waves take you in tow; the freedom of the open sea, the freedom to explore what’s out of reach, the freedom and space to let love settle in its new home, the time, space and freedom, to let us all grow.

Oh, let this heart be made new, let these eyes be renewed, let these tears fall into the sea, let this worn ship carry me.

To the ends of the earth, to the bottom of the sea, let these cares fall away, let this worn ship carry me.

~Cecily Priscilla

Submit to the process

Do you ever have those moments where insanity seems to make sense? Like you actually think you may be going insane? Thinking over my life so far this year makes me think that. Not because my year has been bad, on the contrary, it has been crazy wonderful for the most part; but the sheer surprise and emotional drain it has taken makes me laugh and cry at the same time. My heart has been on emotional overdrive for months now. I’ve been just taking what comes as it comes and not really processing.

My life over the past 6 months has been pretty much a whorl wind, a really happy and new whorl wind of blessing. In that time, I finished and graduated from bible school and fell in love again. I’ve been pretty much on cloud 9 since about March.

Until now. When everything in my life seems very uncertain and directionless.

When the year started I was in my last half of bible school, learning about God and studying the Word constantly. I had my little weekly routine and I loved it. I loved getting to be taught by some inspiring and scripturally knowledgeable men and women of God. I got to be in a classroom with the sweetest, most heartwarming people, and I got used to walking in the classroom and opening up my bible and notebook ready to learn. It was a beautiful time in my life.

Around the last few months of school a certain very kind and charming man came into the picture. I started to get used to him as well. He made me smile and laugh more than I ever had.

I graduated from bible school on June 1^st and naturally went straight into spending my free time with my new boyfriend. I’ve had the blessing of spending most my summer days with this very sweet guy, being happy and creating memories. Sadly the constant spending time together has had to stop while life has taken us to long distance, 15 hours away from each other.

And now, without him and without school, I am finding it hard to figure out just where I need to be, and what I need to do. I’m in the weird between stage of what I want, what I’m ready for, and what God actually thinks I need.

It’s a very frustrating process, and being my very controlling self, I want to know how it will all work out.

I want things I’m not ready for; this is a very hard fact to accept when you want so badly to be ready for what you desire. It’s maddening. The heart tends to always be ahead of circumstance and our dreams ahead of God. The sad thing is that I know that what I need is going to take time, but what scares me more than that is that it’s going to take waiting in the dark. Waiting in the unknown. I’ve never been good with the unknown. I just wish my clock and God’s clock were in sync…with his being in agreement with mine.

But this morning, while lying on my bed thinking of my wants, needs, and can’t haves, my face toward my window where the soft, calming sun was shining through, I heard one thing speaking in my soul; submit to the process. Just submit to the process and get on living your life.

If there’s one thing God has taught me over the last year of my life, is that I need to learn to submit to Him. Submit my life, my dreams, my wants, and my will humbly to Him. I’ve been taught this lesson so many times and every time I think I get it, and then I realize I must not have, because I never follow it through long term. And while I think submitting our will to God is a battle we will all fight from time to time in our lives, it’s something I would really like to follow through longer than just a couple months. Especially because i know that when i did start submitting to God in the past, things were a lot happier, and instead of seeing black, I could see a faint rainbow in the distance.

Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways.”

When I’m trying so hard to control my life, thinking I know exactly what I need and want, sulking over not getting it, that scripture humbles me. His thoughts and ways are not our thoughts and ways, they are higher. Who do we think we are to say what God should give us, what right to we have to grumble, when our Lord’s ways are higher than ours? We couldn’t’ possibly comprehend the picture he is trying to paint and the story he is writing with our lives.

Friends, if you are going through a time in life where everything feels uncertain and even painful, I encourage you to submit to the process of growing, learning, and listening. If it hurts, then go to God and ask why, but mostly, listen. Psalm 37:7 says to “be still in the presence of the Lord”, and tells us to “wait patiently for him to act”. So if you’re stuck waiting for life to move, then sit in the quiet with God. Let him grow you, and understand and accept that you may not be ready for what you want, even if you think you are or want to be. God knows when the right time to bring things to pass is. He does have a specific plan for each of our lives (Jer.29:11), and he is a faithful God. So take this time to grow into the person you need to be for the appointed time you need to be it. There are things to be learned and felt in every season of life, so submit to learning and feeling.

What I want in life is going to take time of waiting, working, and praying. Time of growing and falling hard, crying hard, getting back up and smiling again. It’s going to take patience. And it’s going to take submission to God’s clock.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” - Proverbs 3:5-6

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." - Psalm 40:2

~Cecily Priscilla

Nothing sad…

 

Ha, this made me smile on a day I couldn’t find much to smile about :)

 

 

 

 

Going to have to make a Tumbler for all these Pinterest pictures so I don’t flood this blog with them, ha.

 

 

 

 

 

~C

Jumbled heart, jumbled head…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I took a trip to Georgia for almost 2 weeks to visit with Chason and meet his family. Twas lovey and wonderful to spend so much time with him. But hard because of others things. Got back Thursday night. The trip cleared my head in some ways, and also gave it so many other things to figure out. I’ll post about the trip soon. But right now my head is fuzzy, and my heart is frustrated…aaaand, I could use a nap. So here are quotes that relate to how I feel.

 

On a last note, I just joined Pinterest! I adore it! If you’re on there follow me! http://pinterest.com/cecilypriscilla/

 

 

~Cecily Priscilla

Hosea 2:19-20

“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD” – Hosea 2:19-20

That scripture spoke to me tonight. I’m sure I have read it before, but somehow tonight it’s meaning was timely. Sometimes we all need to be reminded of our Lord’s sweet love for us. We all need to be reminded of how he pursues our hearts because he longs to be with us. We are his bride. He will marry us in faithfulness and compassion…and oh, he is so faithful and compassionate.

Sometimes I don’t feel good enough. I think we all go through those moments in life. Today, I must admit, I had a hard time feeling anything but lost and empty, with nothing to offer. Less than. Like a item on the clearance rack that just doesn't live up to the rest of the beauty around it.

I don’t feel valuable on some days, days I give into the lie I must be “perfect”, I must be what everyone else wants me to be. Days like those are when I let the enemy fill my mind with his poison to throw me off track and get me to conform to what this messed up world wants me to be.

But, we were not created to be the same. We were not created to fit into the box society tries to shut us in.

We are made to be free.  We are made to be unique. We were all created with strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, quirkiness and oddities…we are all one of kind creations of a big and wonderful, creative God. We are  to be aliens; transformed by the renewing of our mind.

I don’t fit in this world, it does not understand who I was created to be. It’s people do not accept what my heart longs to do; bring Glory to the one and only God, and love him and others with my whole heart. I don’t care about status, I don’t care about position, I don’t care what looks good or sounds pleasing to the ears of the people who judge me. I don’t care if they think I’m odd. I am odd. But I am also something else, something no one can take away; I am loved, and I am a daughter of the King.

From now on, when I walk into a room, or face gossip or criticism for the millionth time, I will only let this one thing in my mind and heart; I am a daughter of the King, and my Father faithfully loves me.

I am betrothed forever in righteousness and faithfulness. Halleluiah. My Lord is so good to me. He loves me so unconditionally and so beautifully.

We are always enough in our Fathers eyes.

~Cecily Priscilla

Summer sun brings changes– Snap shots from my life as of late…

It’s officially summer again…oh how i adore summer! It makes my heart happy…and it also always seems to usher in changes. Summer never fails to give my life a curve ball, and throw my heart into a tail spin of crazy wonderful. I think God winks at me through the summer sun and warm breeze of the evenings :)  So much has changed and happened in the last few months and weeks, and I'm just barely getting into a new flow enough to blog it all out. I mean i turned 22 on May 28th, spent my special day/weekend with a guy who makes my heart smile and gained said guy officially as *my guy*, took finials and attend my last class at DBI, graduated from bible school on June 1st (a week earlier than planned originally) and was honored at the ceremony, and have been blessed to be spending the most happy weekends of my life with the best guy…yeah, I'm blessed. And I'm still catching my breathe to be honest. There are a lot of emotions after graduating that i need to write out, as well as other things…oh cats, i really do have so much to write here! So, to start it all off, i will post a small photo blog of snap shots from the past month. Cheers!

Destiny Bible Institute graduation…my first time being in a cap and gown (homeskool baby!)…i look weird.

Honey Bee graduation cake from Yummy Finds Eatery in Victoria :) This is my favorite flavor of cupcake there, and it it just as awesome in a cake version! Quite rich though, but so, so lovely!

Krystal and i being silly after graduation :)

Frozen Yogurt with Chason at Cherry Berry in Victoria :) We went to a late lunch/early dinner at Olive Garden, got full and napped in his truck until we were ready for ice cream, and then hit up Cherry Berry for some red velvet, birthday cake, triple chocolate, and strawberry frozen yogurt, with Skittles, and sprinkles in top!! Mmm, sooo pretty and yummy! I love skittles in frozen yogurt! Chason does not lol. Yay for pink and green spoons! Our favorite colors (awwws).

After math of the yogurt…mmm..twas worth every bite :)

Chason’s Mr. Yogurt face on a napkin…yeah, his hotness makes up for his oddness lol.. .Meh, who am i kidding, i luff it ;p

Oh cats, what a dorky and crappy photo of me lol, but i like the way we look together…and it kind of captures our relationship…i smile a lot when I'm with him :)

Chason’s idea…didn’t quite work, but fun try babe ;)

Fun in boyfriends T-shirt...yes, he’s made me (slightly) girly…screw  him. He’s getting me to wear less makeup and stuff in  my hair…I'm liking the more natural look :)

This weekend i am again spending time with Chason before he goes out of state to help with Creation Fest…yes, i have an awesome boyfriend who volunteers for cool stuff :) So I'm sure I'll have more photos to post soon…it is my goal to get a decent photo of us lol ;)

In this season, life is good, and i am happy.

~Cecily Priscilla

Fishies…

So tonight I find myself frustrated…I’m not even fully sure why really, but I am…I graduate in a little over a week and I guess I’m a little anxious about getting everything done in time. Graduation wasn’t supposed to be until June 8^th, but they moved it up a week to the 1^st…it just seems so fast and I feel like I’m going so slow…on top of that I just feel like I can’t find my footing…just unbalanced and thrown off. My head feels as if I have little fishies swimming around and around in there…like a merry go round that’s making me dizzy. I’m not a schedule type, but I think I need to make one for the next couple weeks; I just need a bit of organization before I go batty.

Lots of deep breaths.

Funny mix of feelings here, because in the midst of that I’m really, really happy…I mean I’m graduating bible school!! Something I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do due to some complications. So, even though I’m stressed, I want to smile…and cry happy strange tears. I’ve been crying those happy tears a lot lately, which is different, but very good.

I just want to sit by the water and take all this in…the past 8 months of my life have been the most crazy, exciting, tough, challenging, frustrating, beautiful, and wonderfully happy time of my life so far. I am so blessed. God has been so good to me.

So I’ll just breathe deep, and let it all go. I’ll lay down the anxiety and worry at my Lord’s feet and let Him carry it tonight. It’s all in His mighty hands. He’s got this all figured out, and he’s strong and able.

Let’s rock this.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” – Mathew 11:28-30

~ Cecily Priscilla

Though it tarries…

“For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. “- Habakkuk 2:3

~

Let it come softly, let it come like a lighting flash, let it come in a still small voice, please let it come, let it last.

Let it come like a rain storm as I sleep, falling suddenly, lulling my eyes into an endless dream.

May it come like the ocean, its depth no one can know. May it be as peaceful as the waves, cleansing the shore as they flow.

Oh, let it be as a song, a sweeping melody. Let the tune drown out these fears, let the notes carry me.

Or maybe it will come as the spring, sunny, bright, and new. Bringing life to all dead things, and making memories new.

Let the roots dig deep, strong as on oak, as withstanding as the olive tree, never dying despite the storms and fires life throws. Let it be life giving, and fruit bearing, let its shade be a place of rest for many.

Yes Lord, send it in the burning sun, the sweet fresh air, let it remind us how to breathe, and let it renew our hearts so that we may once again believe and dream.

~Cecily Priscilla