Submit to the process

Do you ever have those moments where insanity seems to make sense? Like you actually think you may be going insane? Thinking over my life so far this year makes me think that. Not because my year has been bad, on the contrary, it has been crazy wonderful for the most part; but the sheer surprise and emotional drain it has taken makes me laugh and cry at the same time. My heart has been on emotional overdrive for months now. I’ve been just taking what comes as it comes and not really processing.

My life over the past 6 months has been pretty much a whorl wind, a really happy and new whorl wind of blessing. In that time, I finished and graduated from bible school and fell in love again. I’ve been pretty much on cloud 9 since about March.

Until now. When everything in my life seems very uncertain and directionless.

When the year started I was in my last half of bible school, learning about God and studying the Word constantly. I had my little weekly routine and I loved it. I loved getting to be taught by some inspiring and scripturally knowledgeable men and women of God. I got to be in a classroom with the sweetest, most heartwarming people, and I got used to walking in the classroom and opening up my bible and notebook ready to learn. It was a beautiful time in my life.

Around the last few months of school a certain very kind and charming man came into the picture. I started to get used to him as well. He made me smile and laugh more than I ever had.

I graduated from bible school on June 1^st and naturally went straight into spending my free time with my new boyfriend. I’ve had the blessing of spending most my summer days with this very sweet guy, being happy and creating memories. Sadly the constant spending time together has had to stop while life has taken us to long distance, 15 hours away from each other.

And now, without him and without school, I am finding it hard to figure out just where I need to be, and what I need to do. I’m in the weird between stage of what I want, what I’m ready for, and what God actually thinks I need.

It’s a very frustrating process, and being my very controlling self, I want to know how it will all work out.

I want things I’m not ready for; this is a very hard fact to accept when you want so badly to be ready for what you desire. It’s maddening. The heart tends to always be ahead of circumstance and our dreams ahead of God. The sad thing is that I know that what I need is going to take time, but what scares me more than that is that it’s going to take waiting in the dark. Waiting in the unknown. I’ve never been good with the unknown. I just wish my clock and God’s clock were in sync…with his being in agreement with mine.

But this morning, while lying on my bed thinking of my wants, needs, and can’t haves, my face toward my window where the soft, calming sun was shining through, I heard one thing speaking in my soul; submit to the process. Just submit to the process and get on living your life.

If there’s one thing God has taught me over the last year of my life, is that I need to learn to submit to Him. Submit my life, my dreams, my wants, and my will humbly to Him. I’ve been taught this lesson so many times and every time I think I get it, and then I realize I must not have, because I never follow it through long term. And while I think submitting our will to God is a battle we will all fight from time to time in our lives, it’s something I would really like to follow through longer than just a couple months. Especially because i know that when i did start submitting to God in the past, things were a lot happier, and instead of seeing black, I could see a faint rainbow in the distance.

Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways.”

When I’m trying so hard to control my life, thinking I know exactly what I need and want, sulking over not getting it, that scripture humbles me. His thoughts and ways are not our thoughts and ways, they are higher. Who do we think we are to say what God should give us, what right to we have to grumble, when our Lord’s ways are higher than ours? We couldn’t’ possibly comprehend the picture he is trying to paint and the story he is writing with our lives.

Friends, if you are going through a time in life where everything feels uncertain and even painful, I encourage you to submit to the process of growing, learning, and listening. If it hurts, then go to God and ask why, but mostly, listen. Psalm 37:7 says to “be still in the presence of the Lord”, and tells us to “wait patiently for him to act”. So if you’re stuck waiting for life to move, then sit in the quiet with God. Let him grow you, and understand and accept that you may not be ready for what you want, even if you think you are or want to be. God knows when the right time to bring things to pass is. He does have a specific plan for each of our lives (Jer.29:11), and he is a faithful God. So take this time to grow into the person you need to be for the appointed time you need to be it. There are things to be learned and felt in every season of life, so submit to learning and feeling.

What I want in life is going to take time of waiting, working, and praying. Time of growing and falling hard, crying hard, getting back up and smiling again. It’s going to take patience. And it’s going to take submission to God’s clock.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” - Proverbs 3:5-6

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." - Psalm 40:2

~Cecily Priscilla

Nothing sad…

 

Ha, this made me smile on a day I couldn’t find much to smile about :)

 

 

 

 

Going to have to make a Tumbler for all these Pinterest pictures so I don’t flood this blog with them, ha.

 

 

 

 

 

~C

Jumbled heart, jumbled head…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I took a trip to Georgia for almost 2 weeks to visit with Chason and meet his family. Twas lovey and wonderful to spend so much time with him. But hard because of others things. Got back Thursday night. The trip cleared my head in some ways, and also gave it so many other things to figure out. I’ll post about the trip soon. But right now my head is fuzzy, and my heart is frustrated…aaaand, I could use a nap. So here are quotes that relate to how I feel.

 

On a last note, I just joined Pinterest! I adore it! If you’re on there follow me! http://pinterest.com/cecilypriscilla/

 

 

~Cecily Priscilla

Hosea 2:19-20

“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD” – Hosea 2:19-20

That scripture spoke to me tonight. I’m sure I have read it before, but somehow tonight it’s meaning was timely. Sometimes we all need to be reminded of our Lord’s sweet love for us. We all need to be reminded of how he pursues our hearts because he longs to be with us. We are his bride. He will marry us in faithfulness and compassion…and oh, he is so faithful and compassionate.

Sometimes I don’t feel good enough. I think we all go through those moments in life. Today, I must admit, I had a hard time feeling anything but lost and empty, with nothing to offer. Less than. Like a item on the clearance rack that just doesn't live up to the rest of the beauty around it.

I don’t feel valuable on some days, days I give into the lie I must be “perfect”, I must be what everyone else wants me to be. Days like those are when I let the enemy fill my mind with his poison to throw me off track and get me to conform to what this messed up world wants me to be.

But, we were not created to be the same. We were not created to fit into the box society tries to shut us in.

We are made to be free.  We are made to be unique. We were all created with strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, quirkiness and oddities…we are all one of kind creations of a big and wonderful, creative God. We are  to be aliens; transformed by the renewing of our mind.

I don’t fit in this world, it does not understand who I was created to be. It’s people do not accept what my heart longs to do; bring Glory to the one and only God, and love him and others with my whole heart. I don’t care about status, I don’t care about position, I don’t care what looks good or sounds pleasing to the ears of the people who judge me. I don’t care if they think I’m odd. I am odd. But I am also something else, something no one can take away; I am loved, and I am a daughter of the King.

From now on, when I walk into a room, or face gossip or criticism for the millionth time, I will only let this one thing in my mind and heart; I am a daughter of the King, and my Father faithfully loves me.

I am betrothed forever in righteousness and faithfulness. Halleluiah. My Lord is so good to me. He loves me so unconditionally and so beautifully.

We are always enough in our Fathers eyes.

~Cecily Priscilla

Summer sun brings changes– Snap shots from my life as of late…

It’s officially summer again…oh how i adore summer! It makes my heart happy…and it also always seems to usher in changes. Summer never fails to give my life a curve ball, and throw my heart into a tail spin of crazy wonderful. I think God winks at me through the summer sun and warm breeze of the evenings :)  So much has changed and happened in the last few months and weeks, and I'm just barely getting into a new flow enough to blog it all out. I mean i turned 22 on May 28th, spent my special day/weekend with a guy who makes my heart smile and gained said guy officially as *my guy*, took finials and attend my last class at DBI, graduated from bible school on June 1st (a week earlier than planned originally) and was honored at the ceremony, and have been blessed to be spending the most happy weekends of my life with the best guy…yeah, I'm blessed. And I'm still catching my breathe to be honest. There are a lot of emotions after graduating that i need to write out, as well as other things…oh cats, i really do have so much to write here! So, to start it all off, i will post a small photo blog of snap shots from the past month. Cheers!

Destiny Bible Institute graduation…my first time being in a cap and gown (homeskool baby!)…i look weird.

Honey Bee graduation cake from Yummy Finds Eatery in Victoria :) This is my favorite flavor of cupcake there, and it it just as awesome in a cake version! Quite rich though, but so, so lovely!

Krystal and i being silly after graduation :)

Frozen Yogurt with Chason at Cherry Berry in Victoria :) We went to a late lunch/early dinner at Olive Garden, got full and napped in his truck until we were ready for ice cream, and then hit up Cherry Berry for some red velvet, birthday cake, triple chocolate, and strawberry frozen yogurt, with Skittles, and sprinkles in top!! Mmm, sooo pretty and yummy! I love skittles in frozen yogurt! Chason does not lol. Yay for pink and green spoons! Our favorite colors (awwws).

After math of the yogurt…mmm..twas worth every bite :)

Chason’s Mr. Yogurt face on a napkin…yeah, his hotness makes up for his oddness lol.. .Meh, who am i kidding, i luff it ;p

Oh cats, what a dorky and crappy photo of me lol, but i like the way we look together…and it kind of captures our relationship…i smile a lot when I'm with him :)

Chason’s idea…didn’t quite work, but fun try babe ;)

Fun in boyfriends T-shirt...yes, he’s made me (slightly) girly…screw  him. He’s getting me to wear less makeup and stuff in  my hair…I'm liking the more natural look :)

This weekend i am again spending time with Chason before he goes out of state to help with Creation Fest…yes, i have an awesome boyfriend who volunteers for cool stuff :) So I'm sure I'll have more photos to post soon…it is my goal to get a decent photo of us lol ;)

In this season, life is good, and i am happy.

~Cecily Priscilla

Fishies…

So tonight I find myself frustrated…I’m not even fully sure why really, but I am…I graduate in a little over a week and I guess I’m a little anxious about getting everything done in time. Graduation wasn’t supposed to be until June 8^th, but they moved it up a week to the 1^st…it just seems so fast and I feel like I’m going so slow…on top of that I just feel like I can’t find my footing…just unbalanced and thrown off. My head feels as if I have little fishies swimming around and around in there…like a merry go round that’s making me dizzy. I’m not a schedule type, but I think I need to make one for the next couple weeks; I just need a bit of organization before I go batty.

Lots of deep breaths.

Funny mix of feelings here, because in the midst of that I’m really, really happy…I mean I’m graduating bible school!! Something I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do due to some complications. So, even though I’m stressed, I want to smile…and cry happy strange tears. I’ve been crying those happy tears a lot lately, which is different, but very good.

I just want to sit by the water and take all this in…the past 8 months of my life have been the most crazy, exciting, tough, challenging, frustrating, beautiful, and wonderfully happy time of my life so far. I am so blessed. God has been so good to me.

So I’ll just breathe deep, and let it all go. I’ll lay down the anxiety and worry at my Lord’s feet and let Him carry it tonight. It’s all in His mighty hands. He’s got this all figured out, and he’s strong and able.

Let’s rock this.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” – Mathew 11:28-30

~ Cecily Priscilla

Though it tarries…

“For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. “- Habakkuk 2:3

~

Let it come softly, let it come like a lighting flash, let it come in a still small voice, please let it come, let it last.

Let it come like a rain storm as I sleep, falling suddenly, lulling my eyes into an endless dream.

May it come like the ocean, its depth no one can know. May it be as peaceful as the waves, cleansing the shore as they flow.

Oh, let it be as a song, a sweeping melody. Let the tune drown out these fears, let the notes carry me.

Or maybe it will come as the spring, sunny, bright, and new. Bringing life to all dead things, and making memories new.

Let the roots dig deep, strong as on oak, as withstanding as the olive tree, never dying despite the storms and fires life throws. Let it be life giving, and fruit bearing, let its shade be a place of rest for many.

Yes Lord, send it in the burning sun, the sweet fresh air, let it remind us how to breathe, and let it renew our hearts so that we may once again believe and dream.

~Cecily Priscilla