Newness and stuff like that...

So I am “officially ” moved to the peachy state! :) Yes, I left my sweet Texas and moved to the home of sweet tea, aka “The dirty, dirty south, y’all!” :) It has been a very crazy time emotionally …I’m happy because I am officially with my husband, and we are creating our life together…however adjusting has been pretty freaking tricky…

I went to get my hair cut recently…at Great Clips…I miss my hair dresser in Palacios…she rocked my hair and never questioned my not -all that natural hair choices. She knew my hair.

I was thinking today how crazy it is that in just a year my life changed so dramatically…dear cats I had no idea when 2011 started that I would be a wife one year later! Just thinking how much i cried over stupid boys, and how I never thought things were going to change…I really wish I would have known back then that I’d find the bestest man who would love me right, and that my life would change so much…would have saved me some stress and tears! :)

Anycats, looking back, I almost can’t wrap my mind around the changes and events that happened over the last year…my bible school journey, falling in love with a man 3 states away from me and becoming his wife, leaving my family and friends and all that is familiar to start a life in a completely new state...

What my thoughts really come down to I guess are gains and losses I suppose…is it true that something has to die in order for something to come to life?

I guess my mind is a bit active tonight…just missing what I knew. But the thing is, when I had what I knew, I wanted what I didn’t know…funny how that works. Being in a new atmosphere along with being a new member of a family feels weird at times…I feel like an adopted kid or an exchange student…I have all these people calling me family (which by the way, is such a great feeling…my husband’s sister called me sis…It made me happy :) but It still feels a bit odd coming in on something that was started so long ago…

Adjustment is always a bit tricky I suppose. And really, I’ve only been here for a few months…it still feels temporary…like a very real and long vacation of sorts…maybe I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I no longer live with and around my family and friends…but I’m sure that in time it will feel like home…safe and secure, known and loved, and mine….i just hope that comes soon, because I could use that. Thankfully I have my husband and my God for those things, and they fill me when I don’t know how to do something so new.

So, here’s to the journey of a new life and all the crazy hard, and crazy beautiful things that come with it. May God bless it, and use it

~Cecily Priscilla-Rodriguez Wetter :)

(I love using my new name! :)

Reminiscing a bit...

Tonight I can’t really breathe that well…not just because my heart is doing funny things mostly from my meds, but because my heart is feeling too weighed down. I don’t really ever deal with anything…ever. If something hurts or is hard, I push it away and go about life like normal, which works for me…until it refuses to be pushed away any longer and all pops out. These past day’s things I have pushed away have been fighting their way back to the surface. It hasn’t been very pretty to say the least.

Moving to a new state is a tough thing…moving away from everything and everyone you know is even harder.

It’s not at all that I don’t love my new life; being a newlywed with the most awesome man I’ve ever known, and living in a beautiful southern state with the most lovey white pear trees is literally a prayer answered. Marriage is nothing like I thought it would be…it’s so much better and more fun and sweetly sweeter than anything.

However, gosh oh my, not having my family here is hard as hell! I miss them so much! And strangely, I even miss my little town and everything In it….which is not much mind you! I miss our Sonic, and our Subway that my little cousin works at. I miss my sweet bay…which always had the faint (and sometimes not so faint) smell of dead fish, but is where I go to clear my head on my hardest of days, and where I go to feel close to God when I feel numb. That place holds so many special moments for me…some very painful and some very beautiful…I sat on those steps leading out to the water when my dreams fell apart…when my heart was broken by stupid boys, and when I confronted myself for the first time. But i also walked along that sidewalk with my mom and sister, laughing and talking about everything under the sun…so many times just walking, and somehow it made life actually okay, all those walks shaped me. I also walked there with my husband on the first day we met, and held hands with him on the rocks that led out into the water while staring out and thinking that my heart was finally full.

I miss those days.

I miss the things I know so well, because when you are somewhere so new, sometimes you just ache for the familiar…the things that are yours. The things you know so very well. I ache for that right now. For my family that is mine and I can be silly crazy or crappy moody with them and they still love me and know I’m just oddly me. The morning talks I had with my mom, and the late night talks with my sister…the car rides around town listening to crappy top 40 and just being us…I have the most awesome sister and mom, so very fun to be around…so very perfect for me. Gosh, I just miss them….

I ache for the streets I know, and the food I know. My own room with my fluffy white comforter and my awful purple curtains…the bulletin board that held pictures of friends and tickets from rock shows. So many times just going into my room and laying under my blanket with the light on (always on) and making the world disappear for a while was how I dealt…I did that here the other day…it helped, but was not the same.

This post is getting whinny and long, so I suppose I shall stop, but I just needed to say that I miss everyone and everything…and I hope my loved ones knows I think of them every single day, and miss those simple/hard times as well. But, in life, every blessing has its own set of curses…but I in no way want to make it sound like my marriage and new GA life are a curse …no, they are so very beautiful and wonderful and so very magical. The hope and possibilities are endless…the future is so very bright! I have my own family in the making! How freakin’ cool is that! I have someone I go to bed with every night and wake to to every morning…I have a best friend like I never thought possible! So yes, while I’m sad about the past, I’m happy for my future and thankful for my present. And with that, I say goodnight world…and goodnight my sweet Texas.

~Cecily Priscilla

A photo a day keeps the battyness away...

In order in keep record of life with my being back and forth from Texas to Georgia and figuring out life, i have decided to start keeping a photo a day log. My hope is that it will help me slow down and sit back enough to focus on what is around me, as well as the small joys and oddness that make my life...well, my life :) I stared this about a week ago, but just haven't uploaded the photos yet, ha. So here is my back log of photos from my odd life :) Hope you enjoy :)

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Day 1

A beginning of the year self shot is important in my opinion, tis nice to look back at the end of the year and see how much you've changed. On this day i was wearing Chason's Baylor University tee...yes,i gotta represent my state, don't ya know ;) This is probably one of my favorite tees of his to steal...after the one he wore when we first met anyway :)

Day 2

I can't be the only girl who finds the way her man drinks Starbucks hot...right? Something about the cup colors and the name, combined with the hotness of the guy...i get giggly :)

Day 3

Black berries have become my favorite breakfast, lunch, and snack food! I find them best after a few days of sitting in the fridge, they get a sweeter flavor. I love their squishy-ness :)

Day 4

Mr. Scary grass fire face :) Chason had a little too much fun when we grilled out...This is the result of his fascination for fire and knack for giving me a panic attack...i hate fire. Twas quite the nice night though, grilled steak, sauteed spinach was the menu. We also made a new vinaigrette recipe i had just found, i'm not too much for salad, but with a great vinaigrette, i'm all in :)

Day 5

The epitome of snugly :)

Day 6 (Yesterday)

I've been taking care of Chason's parents cats while they went out of state, feeding them and cleaning their litter...which brings me to a thought; does anyone realize how backwards it is that we humans, scoop up animal poo? Most of the time while they sit and watch, mocking us with their stares, knowing that they have all power...it just seems like it it should be the other way around...animals clean up human crap, ya know?...but, they are furry and we are not (Some of us) so i guess they win.

Point is; it's been non stop rainy and i've been scooping up cat poo, along with dealing with my own crap...life crap, not, well, the other kind of crap...Sooo, stress has been ultra high...emotions have been pretty intense, and there are just so many changes and things on my plate.

Yesterday morning Chason had a business meeting and had to run some errands and i decided to stayed at the house. It was rainy like whoa, the internet and satellite were down, and i wasn't feeling well. I was quite lonely...Texas time was 8am and no one i know is awake or able to talk then. I love my man and can't wait to start our new life here in the peach state, but it is hard being alone here...apart from him, i have no one here...a cousin yes, but i'm not super close to him yet. Relationships are hard right now...which is more pie than i can slice into here, but yeah...it's hard sometimes.

Thankfully, that morning i went to go clean up cat poo, and found Lewis (orange kitty) in when he wasn't supposed to be. Though this morning i think God let him in, because he came up to me, purred and sat on my lap as i cuddled and squeezed him like a teddy bear. I'v never seen a more cuddly and sweet cat. He, along with Little Bit (other kitty), kept me company and made me smile and laugh...it was like the sunshine i needed on that gray day. Sometimes it's the little things (and the furry things) that make a difference :)

Day 7 (today)

Chason had another meeting this morning, though this time i tagged along and waited in the car. Of course we made a very necessary trip to Starbucks before his meeting, and got our normal hot chocolate (his) and iced white mocha (mine), as well as tried the cheese and fruit bistro box..twas quite the delight and made us very happy on this early morning...mmm cheese and fruit...what is better? :) I'm thinking of getting a new usual Starbucks drink though, i mean i love my white mocha, but i'm feeling like a new season in life deserves a new drink. Any suggestions? I've already done the caramel macchiato and caramel frap, which were '08 and '09's drinks...am i the only person who likes to change Starbucks drinks by the year? Hmm....

Oh look, we are all caught up now :) Yay :) Till the morrow blog peoples :)

~Cecily Priscilla

Salsa,tums, and love...

So it's 5am and I'm awake eating a pumpkin empanada ( thanks to my good friend's mom) trying to get my sick/ hungry tummy and acid reflux to quite down...it's been a long day and after Christmas shopping and downing salsa & wheat thins for a late night snack ( very bad idea), and choking ( literally...thought I wasn't gonna make it) Tums and pepto down I am beginning to gain a bit of perspective on a very frustrating day/ past few months. The thing I'm learning in life is that situations are only as big and complicated as you allow them to be. And often times it just takes you stepping back from the issue to breathe and realize what is truth and what are the lies you are letting take ahold of your mind. I can sometimes be so quick to anger and ready to throw in the towel when I'm hurt or afraid. I don't like that about myself. I don't like saying things I know I don't mean. And I don't like walking out when life gets tough. We take so much for granted, and we are so petty and ready to lash out. And by "we" I mean me. It's crazy how we can become self fulfilling prophesies if we let our minds go free when we are confronted with an uncomfortable situation. I realized tonight how much my own crazy mind can damage myself and my relationships. I can be so one-sided and self focused, and that is not at all what I am called to be...I'm supposed to be a reflection of Jesus, the one true and pure love. Being love to someone is so much more important then I have been acting...for "the greatest of these is love" . God has richly blessed me this year... He has given me more then I could have dreamed, and yet instead of taking the time out to treat it with the upmost care, I run. I refuse to do that anymore. I won't let God's beautiful blessing become something the enemy steals away. I choose love . Lord help me always choose love. - Cecily Priscilla

To sail…

Have you ever wanted to just sail away, in the ocean so blue? When gray skies cloud your days and emotions drown you. When tired tears are all you have, and tired eyes have given out, don’t you want to just sail away? This is what I dream about...

A big boat with room only for two, a soaring sail white and torn, proudly displaying its tattered ends from many storms.

Star filled skies to let our thoughts rest upon, salty air to breathe; the ocean breeze would cool our skin, as we find the chance to begin again.

What a blessed thing to know, the sweet freedom that comes as the waves take you in tow; the freedom of the open sea, the freedom to explore what’s out of reach, the freedom and space to let love settle in its new home, the time, space and freedom, to let us all grow.

Oh, let this heart be made new, let these eyes be renewed, let these tears fall into the sea, let this worn ship carry me.

To the ends of the earth, to the bottom of the sea, let these cares fall away, let this worn ship carry me.

~Cecily Priscilla

Submit to the process

Do you ever have those moments where insanity seems to make sense? Like you actually think you may be going insane? Thinking over my life so far this year makes me think that. Not because my year has been bad, on the contrary, it has been crazy wonderful for the most part; but the sheer surprise and emotional drain it has taken makes me laugh and cry at the same time. My heart has been on emotional overdrive for months now. I’ve been just taking what comes as it comes and not really processing.

My life over the past 6 months has been pretty much a whorl wind, a really happy and new whorl wind of blessing. In that time, I finished and graduated from bible school and fell in love again. I’ve been pretty much on cloud 9 since about March.

Until now. When everything in my life seems very uncertain and directionless.

When the year started I was in my last half of bible school, learning about God and studying the Word constantly. I had my little weekly routine and I loved it. I loved getting to be taught by some inspiring and scripturally knowledgeable men and women of God. I got to be in a classroom with the sweetest, most heartwarming people, and I got used to walking in the classroom and opening up my bible and notebook ready to learn. It was a beautiful time in my life.

Around the last few months of school a certain very kind and charming man came into the picture. I started to get used to him as well. He made me smile and laugh more than I ever had.

I graduated from bible school on June 1^st and naturally went straight into spending my free time with my new boyfriend. I’ve had the blessing of spending most my summer days with this very sweet guy, being happy and creating memories. Sadly the constant spending time together has had to stop while life has taken us to long distance, 15 hours away from each other.

And now, without him and without school, I am finding it hard to figure out just where I need to be, and what I need to do. I’m in the weird between stage of what I want, what I’m ready for, and what God actually thinks I need.

It’s a very frustrating process, and being my very controlling self, I want to know how it will all work out.

I want things I’m not ready for; this is a very hard fact to accept when you want so badly to be ready for what you desire. It’s maddening. The heart tends to always be ahead of circumstance and our dreams ahead of God. The sad thing is that I know that what I need is going to take time, but what scares me more than that is that it’s going to take waiting in the dark. Waiting in the unknown. I’ve never been good with the unknown. I just wish my clock and God’s clock were in sync…with his being in agreement with mine.

But this morning, while lying on my bed thinking of my wants, needs, and can’t haves, my face toward my window where the soft, calming sun was shining through, I heard one thing speaking in my soul; submit to the process. Just submit to the process and get on living your life.

If there’s one thing God has taught me over the last year of my life, is that I need to learn to submit to Him. Submit my life, my dreams, my wants, and my will humbly to Him. I’ve been taught this lesson so many times and every time I think I get it, and then I realize I must not have, because I never follow it through long term. And while I think submitting our will to God is a battle we will all fight from time to time in our lives, it’s something I would really like to follow through longer than just a couple months. Especially because i know that when i did start submitting to God in the past, things were a lot happier, and instead of seeing black, I could see a faint rainbow in the distance.

Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways.”

When I’m trying so hard to control my life, thinking I know exactly what I need and want, sulking over not getting it, that scripture humbles me. His thoughts and ways are not our thoughts and ways, they are higher. Who do we think we are to say what God should give us, what right to we have to grumble, when our Lord’s ways are higher than ours? We couldn’t’ possibly comprehend the picture he is trying to paint and the story he is writing with our lives.

Friends, if you are going through a time in life where everything feels uncertain and even painful, I encourage you to submit to the process of growing, learning, and listening. If it hurts, then go to God and ask why, but mostly, listen. Psalm 37:7 says to “be still in the presence of the Lord”, and tells us to “wait patiently for him to act”. So if you’re stuck waiting for life to move, then sit in the quiet with God. Let him grow you, and understand and accept that you may not be ready for what you want, even if you think you are or want to be. God knows when the right time to bring things to pass is. He does have a specific plan for each of our lives (Jer.29:11), and he is a faithful God. So take this time to grow into the person you need to be for the appointed time you need to be it. There are things to be learned and felt in every season of life, so submit to learning and feeling.

What I want in life is going to take time of waiting, working, and praying. Time of growing and falling hard, crying hard, getting back up and smiling again. It’s going to take patience. And it’s going to take submission to God’s clock.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” - Proverbs 3:5-6

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." - Psalm 40:2

~Cecily Priscilla

Nothing sad…

 

Ha, this made me smile on a day I couldn’t find much to smile about :)

 

 

 

 

Going to have to make a Tumbler for all these Pinterest pictures so I don’t flood this blog with them, ha.

 

 

 

 

 

~C