Speak Softly

Speak softly to me baby
Hold me close tonight. 
I need to feel close to you 
Need to feel alright.

Lately life has been crazy and we are both tired
So speak softly to me baby
Until the morning light.

I need to feel your soft lips against mine 
And i need to hear you whisper to me tonight. 
To feel your warm breath on my skin 
And to feel wanted, needed and alive again.

You may think me needy 
And i admit it's true 
My sweet boy i just need you.

These days are harsh 
And they have left me burned through 
On this night i just need some sweet talk with you.

So speak softly to me my baby
Please hold me close tonight. 
Tell me you'll always love me 
And this life will be alright.


~CW

To See Beauty

I want to cover my body in paint; beautiful bursts of colors.

I want to swim in the rain and bathe in the sun rays.

Roll in the soft green grass, run through the woods, dip my feet in the cool creak and feel what it is like to truly breathe.

I want to see beauty.

To feel the wind on my skin and the earth under my bare heels, spend the daylight in the sun and the night counting the stars.

I need to feel free, like i have a divine destiny. But these days i feel old and colorless and alone.

I was made to live with reckless abandon, made to dance in white dresses. So where is my dress and where is my adventure? I think I've been looking away from the divine picture.

My soul is tired from these normal days and yet i can't find the will to change.

Then you come in like a cool fall wind, breathe into my lungs and remind me to exhale again.

"You are never consumed" you say, "you are never alone", "my love goes with you wherever you go".

In the stillness of the moment you meet me there and move me to believe your love is truly all i need.

You are the beauty i long to see.



"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” - Lamentations 3:22-24




~CW

Sicky thoughts and overdue emotions...

I feel not so good tonight...sick being one of the reasons. But there are others.

I think that so many times i focus on other people and their well being that i forget about mine. I'm a worrier...if someone i love is in pain that is all i think about. But, in doing that i push off my own emotions and eventually they come up to bite me.

I'm a little overwhelmed with my own feelings as of late...i know  it's the enemy attacking my happiness but i can't help but give in and really believe its true. I strive so much for perfection. I always have  but at this moment in life its is all i want. All these insecurities and wants are popping up and i feel a bit out of control.

Life is a bit stressful right now with my husband having a big project deadline in the next couple months so i know i shouldn't be focusing on my issues but be helping him...but that's just it, when he works a lot all i have is time to focus on my issues.

I'm not sure what it is these days...or maybe i am...idk. I just feel like someone striving for everything and nothing at the same time. Maybe i'm board...maybe i'm lonely...maybe i just feel like i have something to prove. I'm pretty sure its the last one. All i know is i am about to burst in tears...or go on a big shopping binge...neither one will be pretty.

I've discovered something about myself: i am an emotional shopper. Yup. I am not proud of this. Thankfully i also have a hate for spending money so it equals and hasn't gotten bad...i just spend a long time on clothing sites and browse but not buy (that often).

I just feel like if i don't change my life now it will never change, i will feel this way forever and at this moment i don't think i can take that. I'm sick of feeling the way i have for most my life and i want to be over it. Just change it and be done with this crap.

Anycats, i guess i better get my sick self to bed. Hope for new mercies is want keeps me going. Goodnight world.


~Cec

Roots and Shadows

Things are a little weird tonight..rather, I feel a little weird tonight.

Lately I've been thinking about roots..settling down here, planting...belonging. It is want i want so much, but it is so hard!

People have been reaching out to me, which feels great...but it still makes me feel weird. I guess I just feel nervous...it's been a hard year for friendships..and I'm scared to let myself be known.

It's hard for me let people close...I guess I'm scared It won't last. But, over time love has grown for things and for many people and I want to be close...but there is still that wall I keep up...I've said it before and I'll say it again, it is hard to come into a life that already started years ago. Where people of the past are still are present for the people of your future.

Sometimes I feel like i will always be living the shadow of past memories and feelings I don't fit in.

At the same time, I long to fit.,.to be a part of a close knit circle. I want to know and be known. To be family. I want roots. Deep roots. The kind you can't break. I want a family so big. I want to trust, trust that i fit and the past is no longer in the future. I want big family Christmases and photos and kids playing in the snow.

So I guess tonight I am just thinking, about where i feel and where I want to be, and hope they are not too far away.

I also want the slut of an ex my husband has to stop pathetically writing him so we can all move on.

That was honest, but frick it's my blog.

Okay, I should sleep now. Guess its just hard being new. My heart is so overwhelmed with all this new love and feelings.

Sleeping Sweet

I wrote this last September when my now husband and i were apart while we was home in Georgia, and i was home in Texas. So happy i have him with me forever now <3

Sleeping Sweet

Tonight I can’t sleep, I cannot find rest at all. No this midnight hour is not kind, for you are the only thing that is on my mind. I cannot get it to shut down, I can’t get my heart to drown my thoughts of you out.

I am but a lonely girl, I am but a longing heart, wishing to be held in this room so empty, silent, and dark. So tonight I’m going to pretend you are here, no tonight you will not be 16 hours away, tonight in my heart’s mind, right next to me you lay.

Tonight I will pretend your arms are holding me tight, your body is pressed up against mine as I sleep peacefully through the night.

The beat of your heart and the sound of your breathing are so soothing, it is my sweet lullaby; my darling, you have become my midnight song.

A swirling rhythm, a cradling sound; your melody surrounds me my love, and my home I have found.

It is in your strong arms.

As I close my eyes tight I will almost be able to feel your warm breath on my skin, i will make myself believe it is not pretend.

Tonight I will pull you in close and I will snuggle in tight, with my legs wrapped in your legs, I will not move an inch until the call of the morning’s light.

Tonight I will sleep with you next to me, I will cuddle you like I did before, and I then will sleep sweetly once more.

Oh, what lovely sleep you give me.

~Cecily Priscilla

Oh, distance...

It’s in the middle of the work day and I am trying to stay focused but there are too many thoughts in my head. I’ve been pretty emotional these past couple weeks…being away from family around Mother’s Day and my birthday was hard.

I sat out some photos on my work desk of my family’s house in TX, as well as a photo of me, me sister and my cousin from when we were little... I've been finding myself needing to remember these days.

I guess the hardest thing about being so far away is feeling so disconnected. My family and I talk on the phone almost every other night, and have Skype nights once a week, and I try to say up to date with what’s going on in my old town by reading our small town newspaper, but even all that still doesn't seem like enough. It almost feels like when you are on the phone and the other person’s call cuts out and you realize you are talking to silence…being states always feel a lot like silence.

I had a lovely birthday weekend filled with good times with my new in-laws, and quite a romantic and fun day/night with my husband, but due to a misunderstanding on scheduling, my family and I didn't get to talk until later that night, and that’s when I really felt the “dropped call silence” if you will.

I want to find little ways we can all keep in touch and feel a part of each others daily lives; I have a few ideas, but don’t really know if they will solve the problem. My brother in-law is originally from England and has lived here in the states for 10 years or so, I very much admire the close relationship he has kept with his family. I hope to have that too. I suppose it comes in time. Maybe things like this just take a long time to get used to and figure out a new normal.

Okay, thoughts cleared, back to work with me…..

Newness and stuff like that...

So I am “officially ” moved to the peachy state! :) Yes, I left my sweet Texas and moved to the home of sweet tea, aka “The dirty, dirty south, y’all!” :) It has been a very crazy time emotionally …I’m happy because I am officially with my husband, and we are creating our life together…however adjusting has been pretty freaking tricky…

I went to get my hair cut recently…at Great Clips…I miss my hair dresser in Palacios…she rocked my hair and never questioned my not -all that natural hair choices. She knew my hair.

I was thinking today how crazy it is that in just a year my life changed so dramatically…dear cats I had no idea when 2011 started that I would be a wife one year later! Just thinking how much i cried over stupid boys, and how I never thought things were going to change…I really wish I would have known back then that I’d find the bestest man who would love me right, and that my life would change so much…would have saved me some stress and tears! :)

Anycats, looking back, I almost can’t wrap my mind around the changes and events that happened over the last year…my bible school journey, falling in love with a man 3 states away from me and becoming his wife, leaving my family and friends and all that is familiar to start a life in a completely new state...

What my thoughts really come down to I guess are gains and losses I suppose…is it true that something has to die in order for something to come to life?

I guess my mind is a bit active tonight…just missing what I knew. But the thing is, when I had what I knew, I wanted what I didn’t know…funny how that works. Being in a new atmosphere along with being a new member of a family feels weird at times…I feel like an adopted kid or an exchange student…I have all these people calling me family (which by the way, is such a great feeling…my husband’s sister called me sis…It made me happy :) but It still feels a bit odd coming in on something that was started so long ago…

Adjustment is always a bit tricky I suppose. And really, I’ve only been here for a few months…it still feels temporary…like a very real and long vacation of sorts…maybe I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I no longer live with and around my family and friends…but I’m sure that in time it will feel like home…safe and secure, known and loved, and mine….i just hope that comes soon, because I could use that. Thankfully I have my husband and my God for those things, and they fill me when I don’t know how to do something so new.

So, here’s to the journey of a new life and all the crazy hard, and crazy beautiful things that come with it. May God bless it, and use it

~Cecily Priscilla-Rodriguez Wetter :)

(I love using my new name! :)