Cecily’s Slightly Sarcastic Dating Rules Part. 2…oh yes baby, there’s more…

So, I while back I posted a list of some of the dating rules I go by, rules I made after experiencing some “interesting” guys. This is a continuation of that list, because once you think back on your past dealings with guys, you realize that there are so many things you want/need to look out for next time! Yeah, don’t feel bad if you find yourself there, we all do at some point. Love can suck (Sometimes). But, if you know what to look out for next time you will avoid picking that dumb indie/emo guy that ended up acting like he was 12 instead of in his twenties (yeah I said it). So here’s a continuation of my slightly sarcastic dating rules, i hope they help you see the good from the crazy! Cheers!

1. Never date a guy who wears Axe Body Spray, aka “the not yet a man” cologne. A guy who wears Axe is in that stage of life where he is finding his man identity. You can identify him by the cheap smell radiating from him and the pathetic attempt at a beard that just looks like a bear attacked his face and stapled his fur around his mouth. Boys who wear Axe are still in the frat boy state of mind and want to play the cad with all the “babes”. Boys like this will flirt with any female that breathes. Dump the child and find a real man who is serious about life and has goals.

2. Never date a guy who takes shirtless photos of himself on post’s them online. The guys who post shirtless photos of themselves online are egoistical and insecure. They also are cheesy and tacky and if you date them your friends and family will laugh at you. No real man will be so gay to post pictures of himself shirtless that taken by himself. Get a man you can respect and not laugh at behind his back.

3. Never date a guy who compares himself to biblical characters, especially Hosea. When a Christian guy compares himself to Hosea, what he is really doing is covering up for the fact that he is more like Hosea’s wife. This tells you He’s an emotional and/or physical cheater, who will never be satisfied and likes to play the martyr. Run far away fast, and find an honest (and less egotistical) man of God.

4. Never date a guy who follows both David Bazan, AND C.S. Lewis on Twitter…he is confused about his faith and is unstable. He wants to be “Mr. cool” and “Mr. philosophical Christian” at the same time. He will always have one foot in the world, and one foot walking with God.

5. If your boyfriend talks about his therapist in a buddy- buddy way more than he talks about his actual friends that way, then you should be scared and run…and change your number.

6. Always beware of a guy who requests all your family on Facebook. Now, this can be fine and very sweet if the guy wants to know your family, it means he cares and that is very awesome. HOWEVER, if you break up and your ex never deletes your family members from Facebook/Twitter, it will make things very awkward and weird. To ensure that you will not have to live your life with your ex still having some kind of connection, don’t let him friend your family on social networking sites until you are in a committed relationship. Also look out for him having all of his pasts ex’s friends and family members on Facebook…if he’s still talking to his high school girlfriend’s mom, then you should worry baby.

7. Run away from any guy who tells you what his “love language” is, especially if he says its touch. Imagine riding in a car with yo’ boy, and having him tell you “My love language is touch” *sly smile*…yeah, you’re thinking, “there’s no way in hell that you want touch to just express your “love”…you betta back those hands up baby!”. Guys who buy into the “love language” lingo are just emo boys with very loose and sneaky hands and other body parts. “Love language” is creeeeepy and icky, and hella awkward. Go for the guy that simply expresses his love genuinely, and doesn’t feel he has to specify how he shows it…aaaand who is not a total creeper. If your guy does ever tell you that his “love language” is touch, tell him yours is hitting people and if his “showing his love” gets too frisky, you will show yours by punching him in the face :D

8. Make sure your boyfriend has cut ties and/or has tied up the loose ends with his ex before you date him. Otherwise you might find yourself in the awkward position of having your ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend’s Facebook friend request pending because she requested you because your boyfriend just barely cut emotional ties with her and she was trying to get to know/interfere with your relationship with him, and you had no clue what to do with her request, so you did nothing. Super weird and uncomfortable!

~Cecily Priscilla