Cecily’s Slightly Sarcastic Dating Rules Part. 2…oh yes baby, there’s more…

So, I while back I posted a list of some of the dating rules I go by, rules I made after experiencing some “interesting” guys. This is a continuation of that list, because once you think back on your past dealings with guys, you realize that there are so many things you want/need to look out for next time! Yeah, don’t feel bad if you find yourself there, we all do at some point. Love can suck (Sometimes). But, if you know what to look out for next time you will avoid picking that dumb indie/emo guy that ended up acting like he was 12 instead of in his twenties (yeah I said it). So here’s a continuation of my slightly sarcastic dating rules, i hope they help you see the good from the crazy! Cheers!

1. Never date a guy who wears Axe Body Spray, aka “the not yet a man” cologne. A guy who wears Axe is in that stage of life where he is finding his man identity. You can identify him by the cheap smell radiating from him and the pathetic attempt at a beard that just looks like a bear attacked his face and stapled his fur around his mouth. Boys who wear Axe are still in the frat boy state of mind and want to play the cad with all the “babes”. Boys like this will flirt with any female that breathes. Dump the child and find a real man who is serious about life and has goals.

2. Never date a guy who takes shirtless photos of himself on post’s them online. The guys who post shirtless photos of themselves online are egoistical and insecure. They also are cheesy and tacky and if you date them your friends and family will laugh at you. No real man will be so gay to post pictures of himself shirtless that taken by himself. Get a man you can respect and not laugh at behind his back.

3. Never date a guy who compares himself to biblical characters, especially Hosea. When a Christian guy compares himself to Hosea, what he is really doing is covering up for the fact that he is more like Hosea’s wife. This tells you He’s an emotional and/or physical cheater, who will never be satisfied and likes to play the martyr. Run far away fast, and find an honest (and less egotistical) man of God.

4. Never date a guy who follows both David Bazan, AND C.S. Lewis on Twitter…he is confused about his faith and is unstable. He wants to be “Mr. cool” and “Mr. philosophical Christian” at the same time. He will always have one foot in the world, and one foot walking with God.

5. If your boyfriend talks about his therapist in a buddy- buddy way more than he talks about his actual friends that way, then you should be scared and run…and change your number.

6. Always beware of a guy who requests all your family on Facebook. Now, this can be fine and very sweet if the guy wants to know your family, it means he cares and that is very awesome. HOWEVER, if you break up and your ex never deletes your family members from Facebook/Twitter, it will make things very awkward and weird. To ensure that you will not have to live your life with your ex still having some kind of connection, don’t let him friend your family on social networking sites until you are in a committed relationship. Also look out for him having all of his pasts ex’s friends and family members on Facebook…if he’s still talking to his high school girlfriend’s mom, then you should worry baby.

7. Run away from any guy who tells you what his “love language” is, especially if he says its touch. Imagine riding in a car with yo’ boy, and having him tell you “My love language is touch” *sly smile*…yeah, you’re thinking, “there’s no way in hell that you want touch to just express your “love”…you betta back those hands up baby!”. Guys who buy into the “love language” lingo are just emo boys with very loose and sneaky hands and other body parts. “Love language” is creeeeepy and icky, and hella awkward. Go for the guy that simply expresses his love genuinely, and doesn’t feel he has to specify how he shows it…aaaand who is not a total creeper. If your guy does ever tell you that his “love language” is touch, tell him yours is hitting people and if his “showing his love” gets too frisky, you will show yours by punching him in the face :D

8. Make sure your boyfriend has cut ties and/or has tied up the loose ends with his ex before you date him. Otherwise you might find yourself in the awkward position of having your ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend’s Facebook friend request pending because she requested you because your boyfriend just barely cut emotional ties with her and she was trying to get to know/interfere with your relationship with him, and you had no clue what to do with her request, so you did nothing. Super weird and uncomfortable!

~Cecily Priscilla

Diving deep

There’s so much more to you than we realize, so much more than we like to think; a relationship that does not end. Oh, to dive deep.

To immerse myself in the healing waters, to drink in redemption’s song, to feel the power of the Holy Spirit rushing over me, surrounding me.

I want to dive deep.

I need your power, I need your truth. I need to be refreshed; I need to be reborn in you. I need to dive deep.

I will dive deeply into all that you are, and I will find that you are more than they say you are.

So baptize me in your blood, baptize me with your holiness, let your spirit fall on me Lord, and let me find rest.

Fall on me Holy Spirit, give me your fire. Pour on me, leaving me burning with your love. Give me revelations Lord, give me your words; speak to me and through me until I am lost in all you are.

I will dive, and I will not fight the process.

I will let your cleansing waters consume me; I’ll die to myself to be born in you.

Sweet redeemer, healer, and mighty Lord of all, let my lungs be filled with your breath, my heart be stilled with your love, my soul be ignited with your fire, and my eyes be opened to your holy truth.

Oh my sweet Lord, I am finally diving deep with you.

~Cecily Priscilla

Creativity comes from the things you lack…

The other day my friend Maria came to my home to show my mom and I the new beautiful crafts she has been making, this woman always makes the cutest, most lovely things with her hands, I admire her so. We were talking about crafting and decorating, and my mom was saying how if she had more money she could do so much with her home décor. Now, this is actually funny, because my mom is a wonderful decorator, and has always managed to make her home so lovely, delightful, and classy with very little money. She just has a knack for creating something beautiful out of something so simple, she doesn’t “craft” per say, but she creates her own little things, and puts her own personal touch and spin on items she buys and finds around the house. Because of her, I have always grown up in a home that felt special. Yet, my mom still thinks she could do “better” if she had the money to go and buy the things she dreams of seeing in her home, and while yes it would be great to have the money to do that, Maria said something that hit me, she said that “creativity comes from the things you lack”.

That is so true. If we had the money to buy all the things we want, we would never get to see what we could create on our own; we would never have the desire to dream up things in our minds. We would never get the satisfaction of creating our own things, and knowing that your personality is ingrained in the things you created.

Lately I’ve been in a very creative mode, I feel like getting my hands dirty, if you will, and really letting my mind take over and create beautiful things. I love fashion, I always have, but I don’t have the money to go out and buy a new wardrobe, I have to buy little pieces here and there to fit into what I already have. But when I go into a store, I love, love, just looking at a top or dress, and thinking “I can totally recreate that into something awesome!” I get so much excitement from taking a simple top, or a simple outfit, and putting my own spin on it to make it come to life. It’s the best way to show your personality. The other week I was at a store and found a Beatles sweatshirt, my mind went wild, while on its own it was “blah”, I knew that I could wear a plain black tank underneath it, and because if the way it was made, I could wear it as an off the shoulder top. The store only had a Medium when I needed a small, so to take care of the bigness I tied it to the side and fastened it with a brooch. All together it gave the top a sort of an ‘80’s rock feel. I love it, and got a lot of compliments on it :)

This is what I love doing, taking something “blah” and normal, and making “awesome” and “me” :) I think just paring the right jewelry with something can make an outfit with no personality take on a life of its own. And a normal pair of jeans can be transformed by wearing a tied scarf, or garter around the thigh…it adds spunk. I like spunk :) I also could care less if something is “in” or not, if i like it, then i will wear it…to me this is the only way to live :)

I plan on learning to sew very soon, so then I will be able to alter my own clothing and take my creating to new levels. I also would love to learn crochet since it’s always seemed so fun.

So, you don’t need much money to create rockin’ and special things that look fun and classy at the same time, all you need is passion, your beautiful imagination, and the lack of finances and supplies…ah, how sweet :)

~Cecily Priscilla

He makes all things new…

“And He that sat upon the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new”. And He said unto me, “Write: for these words are true and faithful.” – Revelation 21:5

That scripture has always been one of my favorites, but last Saturday it came alive to me…God used His word to speak to my heart things that I needed to hear. And He also gave me peace and confirmation about something I have wondered about for quite some time now.

It was Saturday and I was in my room doing my makeup, it was a hot day so I had decided to listen to a mix that reminds me of refreshing days by the water, one the songs on that cd is Shawn McDonald’s song  “Captivated”, which is a song with a lot of emotional and personal meaning to me. Because of the meaning this song has to me I stopped doing my makeup, moved away from my mirror and laid my head on the foot of my bed, so many thoughts, regrets, questions, and frustrations begin racing through my mind. And right there in the midst of all of my questions God brought the most comforting peace to me, and without me even asking, gave me a confirmation and closure I needed to put this question to rest.

Without going into the specifics, I needed to know that I had a special place in the life of someone I once knew, I needed to know I would be remembered in order to not keep beating myself up for caring for them. I can’t really even explain it, but God brought to remembrance things that had been said by that person, as well as different things about things them, and for the first time I felt in my heart peace about the way things happened between us, and God gave me confirmation that I had an impact and place in that person’s life, that in some way, even if I will never know specifics, I had a place in that person’s heart. It was a hard friendship to loose, I feel so deeply for each friend I have, I don’t like to accept that I can know someone so well, and they can know me, and then we never see each other again…the people I love leave imprints on me. But, God works in seasons, and just like Solomon says Ecclesiastes 3:1, “For everything there is a season,a time for every activity under heaven”, and in that moment God made that so clear to me. And I began to praise Him. That was a season in my life and the life of that person, a God appointed time for us to learn and grow and smile together. And then, once God accomplished what He needed to through that, He closed the door and locked it. And that is so beautiful. I am so thankful for that closed door, I am so thankful that God gave that season when He did, and took it away when He did. Praise God! I was overcome with such thankfulness and joy for my Lord in that moment; I couldn’t help but just cry and lift my hands to Him.

And that wasn’t all that God spoke to me in that moment, what He spoke to me then was something I needed to hear for so long, it was something God that has been trying to get my heart to believe. While I was so thankful that God gave me a peace about that situation, there was still some lingering issues; in my heart I have a hard time believing God will bring into my life new and better things then I have had before. It’s like I have had so many perfect and special moments and relationships and I just don’t believe that what God will bring me next will be as perfect…as suited to me…as happy. I tend to think I’ll have to settle for “alright”. I figure that I’ll be happy, but it won’t be that magical and exciting like other things I have had, it will just be “good”, not “great”. But in that moment God pierced my heart so deeply by His Word; He brought to my mind Revelation 21:5, so I got out my bible (which is my grandpa’s old bible…so special) and I started to read, “Behold, I make all things new”. And He said unto me, “Write: for these words are true and faithful.”

He makes all things new. Let those words sink in for a minute, He [God] makes all things new. Wow. That scripture came alive in that moment, and it was no longer words spoken to and written down by John, it was words for today spoken from my Heavenly Father to me. My God can and will make all things new, and if Him saying it wasn’t enough, He reinforces it by saying “these words are true and faithful”. I love that He said that, I love that God said that he faithfully and truly will make things new. He doesn’t leave room for us to doubt.

It was if time stopped and it was just me and God in that moment when I read His words. And in a gentle convicting and correcting way, God told me that He would make all things new for me, but before He can, I must first trust His true and faithful words. I must trust His promise that He can and will. My heart was still, I had to ask for forgiveness for not believing His true and faithful Words. I love how God will convict us in the most loving ways, very few times has this happened to me where I have felt the piercing questioning of God, but every time I do it cuts just as deep, to the core of who you are.

I need to trust God will make things new for me, how can I expect God to bring in the new if I’m being so child-like and pouting about what I had in the past, underestimating what God will do in my future? How can I be so immature and stubborn to think that the God of all creation, the Alpha and the Omega, can be so small and uncreative to not give me something even more beautiful than I once had? We must never box God in that way, for we forfeit all He wants to do in our lives by holding the past in our hearts and not allowing God’s grace to come in and cleanse and heal all the dust from the past. I must let God make things new in my heart first; I must let His love get a hold of my heart and trust Him with my future; And that means not being anxious and frustrated (Philippians 4:6), and trusting God with all my heart, not leaning on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). Then, and only then, will He have a soft and pliable heart to bless.

That day I understood what God has been trying to get my suborn heart to hear for so long; I will make all things new for you, but trust my true and faithful words first. Thank you Lord for speaking to me! Thank you for speaking when I don’t expect it. My friends, God is so full of Grace that He will speak and reveal things to us through His Spirit, and through His Word. He is in the “still small voice” and not always in the fire and wind (1 Kings 19).

So, Revelation 21:5 has now become my prayer, and I am standing on that promise and quoting it and claiming it daily, letting my Lord’s true and faithful words sink into my heart until I believe it with my soul.

Lord, I believe and trust you are big and creative enough to make all things new. I believe you will take my past and heal it, and make my future burst with your grace and loving blessings, I believe you love me enough to make me new. I love you enough to believe you.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6

 

 

~Cecily Priscilla

Most hated and most swoon worthy love songs…*Ffft, purr purr, ffftt*

Love is such a strange and complex emotion, it’s the thing that can break your heart, and open it up in the same moment.

Millions of songs have been written about the crazy emotion known as love, both really crappy, as well as really beautiful. It’s a known fact that I am not really the biggest fan of love songs, most are just too sappy and annoying for me and make me want to commit crimes that I can’t speak of, but thankfully there are a lot of creative artistic musicians out there that have written some gorgeous love songs that I happen to adore. So, I decided to make a list of some of my most hated love themed songs, as well as my most loved. I meant to post this on Valentine’s Day (aka “I didn’t murder my boyfriend, he just happened to fall on my knife after not buying me a teddy bear that sings Elvis love songs” day) but I was busy and didn’t get to, so I’m posting it now…cuz I rock like that. Hope you enjoy! Feel free to share your lists here as well :)

Love songs that make me want to be violent

1. Lucky – Colbie Caillat and Jason Mraz (“I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend, Lucky to have been where I have been, Lucky to be coming home again, I'm lucky we're in love in every way” . Come on, no one is really that happy…ever. Yes, while you are all smitten as a fluffy white kitten about your Significant other in the beginning, trust me the feeling will wear off soon enough when they start neglecting you, lying to you, and taking you for granted, and then the only thing you’ll feel “lucky” about, is that you have a best friend who knows how to get rid of a body.)

2. ANYTHING by the Plain White T’s (“Hey there Delilah” makes me want to murder boys in skinny jeans. For heaven’s freaking sake Plain White T’s, get another emotion other than love! You are not girls! Stop being so flipping lovey dovey, your band makes me very uncomfortable and squirmy on the inside.)

3. Bubbly – Colbie Caillat (I don’t even really remember how this one goes anymore…err, something about her toes and something on her nose…it makes me want to sneeze.)

4. Anything by Vanessa Carlton (does she ever sing anymore? I hope not. I do like “Noltia Fairytale” though. Sadly though, Miss Carlton’s songs have become every googly eyed girly girl’s anthem.)

5. Truly, Madly, Deeply – Savage Garden (one word; GAY. No real man wants to stand with a girl on a mountain unless they are getting some action on that mountain…yeah, we all knew Darren Hayes was playing for the other team)

6. Anything by Sara Bareilles (excluding her song “King of Anything”, that’s actually good).

7. Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing – Aerosmith (Good Lord, how we were all tortured in ’98 with this, err, power balled??? Aerosmith is cool, but they went so wrong with this over dramatic song about wanting to basically stalk your lover…and not in that sexy hot way either, but in the “oh my, you have nothing else to live for but to watch me…creepy!!!” way. Not cool.)

8. Gardenia – Mandy Moore (“I'm the one who likes Gardenia; I'm the one who likes to make love on the floor” Awkward!!! Thank you Mandy Moore for disclosing way more info than we wanted to ever know about you. Please stop torturing us with your squeaky voice and go enjoy life with your hot husband, Ryan Adams, instead of singing about sex with him….then again, if I had a husband as hot as yours I might sing about it too…)

9. Your Body Is A Wonderland – John Mayer (“One thing I've left to do, discover me discovering you. One mile to every inch of your skin like porcelain, one pair of candy lips, and your bubble gum tongue” Ah John, you never cease to make things awkward. I got what you were going for, but you just made whatever girl (or guy?) you were writing about sound like the amazon or something. Tip to guys, if you’re going to sing about a gals body, do it in a less creepy way.)

10. Forever love (Dígame )– Anna Nalike (“Forever love, Say you'll love, Dígame, Dígame, Tell me so…” I really love Anna, she’s awesome, but this song is dumb!)

11. Haven’t Met you Yet – Michel Bubble (I hate songs that talk about being in love with someone you’ve yet to meet…it’s so cheesy and almost desperate. Do yourself a favor and wait to write a “love song” until you are actually in love with a real person, eh?)

12 . Kiss me - SixPence None The Richer (Don’t talk about kissing…just freaking do it already ;) And what’s bearded barley anyway???! Really though, cute idea for a song, and I’ll admit on like one or two days of my life I have enjoyed it, but it’s just too sappy for me. Listen to New Found Glory’s version, it’s more fun.)

13. Barlow girls – Superchick (Good song, great heart behind it. OVER PLAYED!!!)

14. Wait For Me – Rebecca St. James (I’m all for Virginity until marriage…but freakin’ please don’t sing about it, eh? Christians are famous for playing this song at EVERY WEDDING they have, no matter if the couple getting married already have 5 kids and they just strolled down the aisle with your mother in law, “what kids?” we say, “we see nothing! In fact God didn’t even see anything! You’re a VIRGIN!!!! I mean really, Christians got to stop that.)

15. Falling for you – Colbie Caillat (“I've been spending all my time Just thinking about ya, I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you”, yes Colbie freakin’ Caillat strikes again, ugh, is this girl always so freakin’ in love and happy? “Oh I just can't take it, My heart is racing, The emotions keep spinning out” ..yeah, someone needs to check her meds! )

16. God gave me you – Dave Barns (“God gave me you for the up’s and down’s, God gave me you for the days of doubt”. Blah! This song is so sappy and thankful it makes me want to throw up.)

17. Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop – Landon Pigg (Been there and done that Landon, it was hell, and your song only reminds me of that hell. Thanks.)

18. Brightly Wound – Eisley (at one point I loved this song, then a dumb boy came, along with a really bad two months of being stuck at my grandparents’ house, and now I will forever fully hate it. And that sucks because it’s actually a great song. If I hear it though, I end up wanting want to punch people.)

Love songs that make me all happy and melty in my little strange heart

1. Closer – Nine Inch Nails (Don’t listen if you get offended easily! Lol. Basically, in nicer terms, this song is all about wanting to sleep with someone. I don’t endorse the message, but dang, the music makes me hella melt! Mmmm, soo sweetly and horribly amazing!)

2. Does This Inspire You? – Dies (“Dies” is the industrial side project of Josh Dies, lead vocalist of Showbread. This song is pretty much the moral version of “Closer”, in that it is a “wedding night song” written from a husband to his wife. Think Songs of Solomon. Seriously, this is how you write a love song guys! Take note! The lyrics are not smutty, but steamy and beautiful, filled with love and respect. Just listen and be swooned. “Your heart, it palpitates and spins, your organs dance and sing within, your ribs, they spread like ivory towers, my bride, my love, this night is ours”)

3. Oh! Emetophobia – Showbread (“Dance with me baby, I want to hear your voice, if I didn’t want to fall for you I never had a choice”. This is the song I will play at my wedding someday! A rockin’ and dancy tune about finding the person you love and how they make you feel alive…and Josh screams in it…*swoons* I love boys who can scream me a gritty love song )

4. There Is A Light That Never goes out – The Smiths or Anberlin (a morbid song about how you love being with someone so much that dying together would be beautiful. I love how peacefully morbid and dark this song is, sung by Anberlin, or by The Smiths, it is sure to make you want to find a truck to run into with your lover…don’t do that please, I am kidding. Suicide is not romantic kids…:)

5. I Will Possess Your Heart – Death Cab For Cutie (Ah, a song that makes me feel like stalking my crush and tying him to a chair in my basement and keeping him there until he realizes he loves me…oh, how romantic am i )

6. Not Alone – Sanctus Real (this song has a lot of meaning to me…”You are not alone; know that I will fight the tide to be together”. Real love does not run when it sees danger, it fights.)

7. Everlong - Foo Fighters (Who doesn’t think this song is one FF’s best songs ever?!?! When this song comes on I go to another place, it’s just so intense, and brings a flood of emotions…I love it)

8. Silver Springs – by Stevie Nicks, covered by Stacey Dupree, Jeremy Larson, and Darin King (this one is sad and somber…written about a lost love, and how you could have been loved them and been their everything, but they wouldn’t let you. And since you can’t be with them, you will haunt them and follow them forever, “you will never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you”.)

9. We Mapped The World – Joy Williams (a whimsy tune that will make you want to be whisked away with the one you love to beautiful adventures.)

10. Drumming Song – Florence and the Machine (I adore this song! The intensity and urgency in Florence’s voice, as well as the music, makes this one epic! “There’s a drumming noise inside my head and starts when you’re around, I swear that you can hear it, it makes such an almighty sound”)

11. Simple As It Should Be – Tristan Prettyman (“Put your hands to my hands, put your knees to my knees, put your eyes to my eyes, come on baby complement me” This song embodies my philosophy on love….when true, love is not all confusing and dramatic, it’s easy and free flowing, it’s “Simple as it should be”)

12. Volcano – Damien Rice (Oh Damien Rice, how your voice and music swoon me! This song can make you feel, I mean really feel. It’s oh so sultry and tortured…love it! “Don't throw yourself like that In front of me, I kissed your mouth your back, Is that all you need. Don't drag my love around, Volcanoes melt me down”)

13. This Will Make You Love Again – IAMX (I was introduced to this song by a friend back in December, and from the second I heard it, it became one of my most favorite songs. There’s a point in all our lives where we need something to make us love again, this song expresses that in a very emotional and deep, sultry way. “Every touch is sacred, when they leave the room, If have to switch the lights off, I wanna switch them off with you. This will make you love again. This will make you love again”)

14. Sweet and Low – Augustana (“…But no one’s giving up quite yet, we've got too much to lose. Hold me down, sweet and low little girl, Hold me down, sweet and low and I will carry you home” This song makes me feel so happy and relaxed, Dan Layus’s voice is just so sexy and gorgeous, and the lyrics are full of so much meaning… )

15. # 1 Crush – Garbage (“I will burn for you, feel pain for you, I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart, I'll tear it apart” Hells yeah baby, morbid dark love is so hot and romantic…*swoon, purr*)

16. Goodnight and Go –Imogen Heap (“Why’d you have to be so cute, it’s impossible to ignore you, must you make me laugh so much…” this song makes me so happy :)

17. Love Fool – The Cardigans (“Love me, love me, say that you love me. Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me” Such a fun little tune to go around singing at the top of your lungs)

18. Reflecting Light – Sam Philips (“Looking through the night, and the moon's never seen me before, But I'm reflecting light” I sweetly beautiful song that makes you feel all warm and happy inside…it just feels special)

19. George Romero Will Be At Our Wedding – Showbread (Showbread’s tribute to George Romero’s horror movies, this song is about love that does not die; “I don’t believe that love can rot away , so first aim for the heart then aim for the head. If true love lasts forever then love doesn’t die, it just becomes the living dead”)

20. Heart Shaped Box – Nirvana (“She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak, I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for a week. I was drawn into your magnet tar-pit trap; I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black” ‘nuff said yo )

21. Poison and Wine – The Civil Wars (“You only know what I want you to. I know everything you don't want me to. Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine. You think your dreams are the same as mine. Oh I don't love you, but I always will.” This song pretty much describes my past relationship, but fortunately I love it for better reasons lol, like the fact that it is so enchanting and mysterious. )

22. One Fine Day – The Chiffons (“One fine day you'll look at me, and then you'll know our love was meant to be. One fine day you're gonna want me for your girl” Who doesn’t love this fun and happy song??! )

Honorable mentions:

Follow You Into The Dark – Death Cab For Cutie

Follow Through – Gavin Degraw

Heart Beats – Hose Gonzalez

Flightless Bird, American Mouth – Iron and Wine

~Cecily Priscilla

A heart with no nets…

Have you ever been to a place in life where you are empty…blank…free? That’s where I am, that is where my heart is right now; free, empty, a blank canvas, an open field…just waiting to be filled with life and fresh newly grown wildflowers of spring. This is the first time in my life I am not holding onto anything in my heart, no anger, hurt, vices, love, memories, depression, insecurities, addictions…nothing.

And it is terrifying and wonderful at the same time. Being empty is scary, it throws you off. It can chill your spine, the thought of being free…you are walking the tightrope without a net. You are void, and the fear is that there will be nothing to fill you up. Nothing will come. You will become numb. You will never feel again.

But, being free is so sweet, so lovely, and so magically beautiful. You have room, room to breathe, to stop and feel, to be quiet and pause. You have space for new things to bloom; you have openness for love and dreams. Your heart is open, and your soul is ready for receiving…receiving from God, and from others.

My heart is so empty right now, but empty in the best most gloriously painful and beautiful way. It doesn’t hurt, it just feels like growing. It feels like healing. It feels like freedom.

People have always told me that I am a free spirit, I always laughed at that statement, but honestly, it’s true; I long to be free, I have a fire on the inside of me that longs to burn with abandon. Yet, my soul longs to be weightless, as fee as the birds in the sky, soaring and gliding in the sunshine.

A friend once told me that I was a butterfly, but I was just waiting on my wings to grow. He was correct. He helped me grow my wings by holding my hand and helping me smile again…and also by hurting me, and leaving me. He opened my heart, but when he left it caved in with memories of the summer breeze that was us.

Healing from that was a long and hard road, I never want to walk it again…God was my oxygen then, for that took the breath from my lungs, and it took quite a while to get it back. I almost feel like I have been in the process of getting that breath back since then…healing takes time, because even when we have been released of love, there are still issues, insecurities, and pain of loss that have to find their resting place.

I have been healing and letting go of that, among many other things, for quite a while. But during that time, of course, life brought other things to hold to…I traded one love for another, one dream for the idea and hope of others….and so on.

I have always held onto something, whether it is a person, vice, pain, or dream…I have always had a “plan” in my back pocket, a plan of my own to get by. I have always had a nice little net. And I believe that God had given me some of those “nets” to get me by and give me hope and smiles, but I also know for a fact that I created a lot of them on my own.

Now, I find myself with no nets, they have all broken into pieces. Doors have shut. Things have been halted. My air feels stale and thick. I have no dream to cling to, for nothing feels right or timely. And I find myself having to be careful not to fall into numbness and apathy, because I know this time, this time of broken nets, is grace from my Heavenly Father. I read once that living in faith “enjoys God's ability to create”. It true, for every time we are empty, we walk in faith that God is creating new things to fit into our hearts. He is the Creator after all, He created you and all you see, the heavens and the earth, the bright sparkling stars and the crashing waves….how much more can He create in your life if you just believe in faith that He is doing something when you feel nothing?

This time of emotional freedom is a gift from my Lord, a signal to slow down and regroup, an invitation to step into His presence and bask and absorb His great love. This is the growing time. I am holding onto nothing. My heart is free. My heart, which has been so bound by chains for most of my life, is free. What beauty there is in freedom from dreams, because it is then God is able to create new dreams, new memories, and new experiences, with His hand print on them. Halleluiah. I am an open empty vessel, may my Lord fill me.

I am not sad about this emptiness, no, I am so happy! This is what I have been waiting for…I am so open, and there is room in my heart for so many new things! I am just waiting on my Jesus to bring them, to bring the new people, new opportunities, new feelings, and new adventures (I love adventures with my King!). How beautiful will the new be! Oh, who glorious will my heart feel when I am able to let the new in without fear and shadows of my past.

Praise the Almighty God, for He makes all things new, so Lord, make this girls heart new, for she seeking you, waiting for you to fill her. Yeshua, I know you are the only one who can fill me.

 

 

“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” -  Isaiah 43:18-19

“And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” – Revelations 21:5

~Cecily Priscilla

Beautiful you…:)

Over the last few weeks I have become very secure in my body. This is very odd and new to me because I have always struggled with body image.

But as of late, I have started to love my curves. I have come to delight in my shape, I mean, I have friggin hips baby, and I like it! ;)I like not looking like my bones are protruding from my skin. I like looking like a woman.

I guess I always have had some issues with weight, my mom and aunts have pretty much been on a constant diets since I can remember, so emphases on a small waist has always been there. Salads at pizza hut and turkey sandwiches and diet coke were the norm around my family. I was talking to my cousin the other night about this; it seems to have affected her a little as well, growing up always being pushed to diet. I guess in some ways it made me very insecure, very fearful of food. I still am I suppose. I really have a small appetite and I hate feeling full…and plus I’m so picky when it comes to food, that I don’t eat all that much. But when do I am most of the time very fearful of the calories. I hate that. I want to be able to eat without worrying about gaining a few pounds. I suppose there is some deeper insecurity there, but those are to be explored at another time.

I have always looked younger for my age, and some of that had to do with the baby fat I had from ages 12-16. I dropped some weight at 16, but still felt completely out of proportion. Then at 19 I dropped the last lingering pounds, going down about 6 sizes, and it gave me the self-confidence I had always lacked. I came into myself as a young woman.

But, I’ll admit I was a little too on the frail looking side at that time. I wasn’t sick looking, but the boney look made me seem very little girl-ish.

That was at 19. I’m now just a few months from being twenty two. I have grown so much emotionally, mentally, and spiritually in the last few years. I have been through so many hurricanes and from those have come new depth in my soul and heart.

I do not feel like a little girl anymore, I am not. I am a woman. So I should look like one, as well as feel like one.

My body has changed in the last year, I have been taking better care of it, or at least I’m trying to, and I think that has done it good. I am proud.

I am thin, but I am not bones. I am curves, but not bulk. I like it. I like feeling womanly. I like having a shape. I like having hips that are wider and thighs and legs that are strong (still have dancer legs, hells yeah, thank you pop music and childhood dance parties, ha). I like the little curve in my back, and my defined collar bones. I like my arms that I’ve always obsessed over getting just perfect being a little shapely and that being enough.

I just love myself the way I am, and the way I look. I walk into rooms feeling beautiful, sultry, sassy and lovely!

Surprisingly this thinking was all spurred by a comment a friend made to me the other week; we were discussing eating healthier when she said that i looked good, and that i didn't have to worry about my weight'. She told me that  i looked healthy and i had a nice shape to me.And just like that, for some reason at that moment her sweet and kind words made me think “dang, i do have a nice shape! Why didn't i see this before?!”

And, i also have the fortune of having one hell of an amazing guy friend who always tells me I'm beautiful and i don’t need to worry about things like that…i hope he knows how much his words and love help :)

And while i don’t look to people to validate me and give me beauty (only my Creator can do that), those words of confirmation helped me see that having a shape and curves are more attractive than having your bones sticking out.

This is something I never thought I would ever feel. And it feels so wonderful and freeing!

It has also been great to eat a little more than I normally do and still feel okay with myself. Praise God!!

I’m getting older, and i am making a lot of changes in my life style, in the way I treat myself and the way I look. It feels good.

I feel happy in my skin. I feel happy in my body. This is the beginning of a beautiful new healthy state of mind :)

 

 

~ Cecily Priscilla