A woman is an ocean of feelings…

A woman is an ocean of feelings, she speaks softly without words; simply stating her deepest emotion, simply whispering her longings. Her love is wide and deep and flowing, it comes from the God up above, and goes back up to Him; For He is the source of her life, her Creator, she evaporates and flows for Him.

The emotions of a woman are strong and intense, and when she lets someone in she creates a home of rest and peace for them.

Oh, how I long to tell you what is on this woman’s heart, but if you look my dear, look very carefully, you will see it so obviously; I simply care for you.

This woman wants to be held by your strong arms, to be touched by your gentle hands, to be watched by your blue eyes; darling this woman just wants to be a part of your everyday life. To be in your thoughts, and on your mind, to have your heart and body, to know you inside and out; these are the feelings this woman is writing about.

Come hear my hearts thoughts dear, they are written in the air, all you have to do is look at me to know; my thoughts are on you.

But I won’t speak it friend, no, I won’t ever tell, that I want you so sweetly and genuinely, and I want you to want me the same way. Oh sweet, take the signals and notice the signs, the way my eyes fall on you, the way I shift to be next to you, take notice dear, and then take action…this woman won’t wait forever, and her heart is aching for you.

~Cecily Priscilla

2 am honesty…

Life has been pretty crazy these past few months, and I don’t think I’ve really given myself the time to process my emotions. I mean I have been plenty emotional, but I really haven’t sorted through all that I have felt and experienced lately. That has left me in an almost numb and lethargic state. And the other night my heart said no more to that…I found myself crying my eyes out after a long day if not feeling well, and I think the tears have more to do with what I haven’t spoken than what physical pain I’m in.

It has been so long since I have bared my soul before God, and I’m feeling it.

My heart is so conflicted right now, it is longing to feel again, but resisting so strong. I tend to turn off my feelings for long amounts of time because I find it easier. But, after so long of pushing the feelings and pain, and fear, and hope away, I get so lost and tired. And I am now drowning in that exhaustion.

If you would have asked me a couple weeks ago why I’m so conflicted and afraid, I would have told you I didn’t know, but after lying in my bed the other night trying unsuccessfully to sleep away my physical pain, I was confronted with my emotions…and I found myself telling God I didn’t trust him to keep me from the same pain I had once been in not too long ago.

See, while time has passed, my heart still feels the effects of that hurt and It’s almost like I have developed this fear of hurt (or love), and I live in this state of fear and dread of feeling it again.

I so hate feeling, I hate it so much that I pray God would take away my ability to feel any emotions. I don’t want them. They just hurt and kill.

Yet, at the same time I am pleading for Him to give me the chance to feel and love. I long for it. I ache to feel and love. I ache to breathe in every emotion, because they are so alive…and sometimes beautiful. Lord, please send me beautiful. Please help me hope and believe in love.

I had my years of not feeling, I have the scars to remember them by. I regret those days with everything I am. And I wish I didn’t long for them again. But truth is they were easier. I refuse to go back to easy though, I have come too far.

I don’t want to feel the way that pain and experience left me feeling, I just can’t handle dealing with that again. I don’t know how. I don’t trust God to protect me from it, but I want to. I want to trust that my Heavenly Father is holding my heart and won’t let me fall the way I did in the past, I want to just close my eyes and let life take me by surprise, knowing that my God has me in His arms and is guiding my every step. I pray for the strength to trust in Him.

Lord, don’t let my heart break again. Hold it, and keep it safe. It’s Yours always, so keep from shattering again. You put it back together before, even when I didn’t think it was possible, you took every piece and made it more beautiful and whole then it was. So, keep me from destroying it. Guide me in Your wisdom, and grant me grace for the reckless decisions I make. Protect me from myself, and from the fraudulent ones who will hurt me. Keep me in the center of your love, and at the front of your mind, I am the apple of Your eye, keep me there. You are my love; You are my heart and soul. You are my rock, my peace, my joy, my hope. You are my everything. I am in love with You first, always You first. I look to You for my breath and you keep my heart alive. So keep me alive, and protect my breath. You are holding me, and for that I praise You. I trust You, Father. I trust You to protect my heart, Yeshua.

Songs;

What if – Nichole Nordeman

Tightrope – Joy Williams

So I Thought – Flyleaf

When I Remember – Blindside

Break My Fall – Lanae Hale

~Cecily Priscilla

I think we should spend some time together darling…

 Should I embrace this feeling, or should I push it away? Oh, my heart is asking you to stay a little longer, to walk a little closer, to lean a little farther. Darling, let me lean into you. Could we drive for a while, take the long way back; we could use the extra time to get to know each other better. Look my way dear, and brush your hand on my back, you have such a gentle touch, it melts my cold fears.

Oh, how silly this feeling is, but my heart is flying when I’m near you, I can’t deny I feel butterflies when you appear. There is something about you that makes my soul feel light, you make me smile. You are magnetic sweet, so magnetic; you pull me in without effort. I am slipping when you are next to me; slowly I drift closer to your atmosphere. Let me be in your atmosphere. I want to snuggle into you, you seem so warm; let me wrap myself in you. You’re peaceful and comfy, like a safe landing place, I want to spend my time with you.

Let’s spend some time together.

Song;

Rope and Summit – Junip

~Cecily Priscilla