To meet you in a song...

It’s funny how you can listen to a song and feel connected to a person…to the person who loved it before you. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you’ve last seen this person, you put on the song, and it feels like them; and you suddenly feel as if they are somehow near you. You feel calmness, or maybe it’s a sadness…I think it’s a bit of both.

If I could walk by you once more for the last time, look you into your eyes, and then pass you by for good…this is what it would feel like. This song, your song, is what it would feel like; a sad and mournful, peaceful and resolute, goodbye. Gray skies, rain, cold…this is what you feel like to me; almost so beautiful, but so dark and washed away.




~Cecily Priscilla

The freedom to be...

Have you ever had a year that was so draining and so testing that you don’t think you can take anymore, and all you want to do is collapse and crawl in a hole until the year is over and the hope of a new year presents itself? Yeah, I think we all have at one point or another.

Oh this year, what can I say? You have given me so much, so many happy things and moments…so many new friends and experiences. I learned so many things, grew so much, felt grace and love and confirmation from both friends and God. This year has been beautiful.

But, this year has also tested me so much…too much. I am beginning to feel like life is one big fight…a fight to say alive, a fight to love, and a fight to pursue what is right. And maybe is it a fight, and maybe that is is perfectly okay; Living, loving, and following a Godly path are beautiful wonderful things worthy of a fight. I will continue to fight for them because they are what life is about.

Nevertheless, the fight I am talking about is the fight to keep your head above water…the fight to breathe. Lately I have been finding it hard to keep my head from going under…I have been finding it hard to breathe. I am in need of some rescue by my Almighty God.

The thing is, I feel like I can’t tell people this. I have to be the strong resilient Christian girl; I can’t let them see that I am drowning. They all think I am strong and brave, so adult and think I handle things so well…when really, I feel anything but "well" and "strong" and "brave". I feel weak. I feel confused. I feel so tired and lost. And…a bit forgotten. Is that okay? Can the pastor’s daughter, the "good mature Christian girl" (ack!!!! blah!!!!), feel this crappy and sad? What would they think if they knew I am not alright right now? I put on a brave face in front of them…even when I get a bit emotional, it is still a braver face then I am feeling on the inside. They don’t know how hard this is for me. And in all honesty, I don’t want them too. This is my issue, and I want to deal with this in a very quiet way. Sometimes when you are the "P.K." people think they are helping, but really they are invading your privacy…at 21 I am very big on having a private life. I am naturally a private person when it comes to what I am going through, and I prefer it that way. I will share information on a one on one basis if i feel I can trust someone, but if I choose not to talk about something, I would love if people would respect that.

However, let’s put that aside for the moment and talk about the real thing here; I really need it to be okay that I am not okay. Instead of patting me on the back and telling me it’s going to be okay, I need someone to lay their hands on my head on pray for me. I need someone stronger than me to help me gain some strength. I need to be surrounded in prayer by Christians who love me, and I need to cry and cry until I can’t cry anymore. I just want a little help to stand, because I feel so weak.

I just want to go away somewhere…escape for a while. Oh, to go to Seattle…or Boston…anywhere really. I wish to be taken away…to be whisked away to a far off destination…away from problems and complications. I want someone to hold me. I want to be held so tightly until I feel safe and secure. I don’t want to have to put on the "I’m good" face…I just want to be held and cry, and have that be totally and completely fine.

So, I should sleep now because I probably need to. I will end this blog with this; while I am far from okay right now, I know that My God is with me, and He will make my paths straight. And while I don’t feel like I can be open about my struggles, I know I can talk about them with My Jesus and He will understand. Oh yes, our sweet Lord understands the way we hurt and fall, He knows…He knows. It is in His loving eyes, we are seen as beautiful, not broken, not weak, or imperfect, but beautiful creations, beautiful reflections of Him. I am His daughter. Praise Him. I am His daughter, and I am humbled and honored. Oh, to sit at the feet of the one who made me…that is where I want to be. I long to be at my Lords feet worshiping Him on my hands and knees. I love Him. When nothing else makes sense, His sweet strong love is what holds my world together. Halleluiah. My Abba is strong and He loves me. Selah.

With everything in my soul, everything I am, I cry "Halleluiah, I am Yours, forever and always fully Yours!" Take my life and make it shine with your light! My Jesus I am your servant.


Grace and peace to you friends.






~Cecily Priscilla

Chasing your choices, and losing truth…

Slow down friend, don't get lost in your head, don't get lost in your scars, and the things that haunt you in your past. They are gone, and I am here. Focus, reset, go forward.

I miss my friend...I wonder where he went. I think he got lost somewhere in the pain. Lord, please save him from himself...I love him, and he loves you. Don't let him forget, you died to take his regret and shame, and all his pain...don't let him forget, you are the only truth. Help him to listen to you.

What are you running from, dear? Slow down friend, it is going to be alright. Nothing is going hurt you here. So take off that mask, and breathe in fresh air. I know it is hard to not breathe, so sit with me and breathe for a moment. You don't have to rush away, you know that I care and my heart is here to stay.

Won't you stop for a second love, stop and think about what you are doing, and how you are hurting yourself and I. Put down that phone, and take off work, leave those people that bring you down, and come spend the day with me. We will talk friend, talk about you and I, talk about why you are so scared and why you feel so trapped in this life. I feel trapped to, and I am scared as well, you see, don't feel you have to run from me...I understand.

So, what are you running from dear? Won't you slow down sweet one, and talk to me, tell me what is scaring you? What is making you avoid me? Why do you always cut every tie, why do you never have real relationships in your life?

Come here love, and we will sit by the shore, watch as the fish jump from the water, as we did before. You don't have to leave now, you can stay for a while, I will not hurt you and I trust you will not hurt me. Let's just sit here and watch the stars and keep our eyes fixed on the sky, and we will promise not to leave until it bursts with the mornings light.

Let us take a walk then, and we will hold hands; smiling from ear to ear laughing about a joke you said. Look into my eyes dear, and I promise I will not turn away this time; I will let my eyes show you that I am here to stay.

I wish we could do all of that, but your legs are shaking with anxiety, you have to go you say...have to find your own perfect packaged way. I know it is not my fault, but I feel like it is. I wish I could have given you what you wanted, but I know that it is what will save me in the end. If I gave you what you asked for in the most round about way, it would have only further hurt you and broken us in two. I cannot hurt you sweet, the thought of that makes my heart burst, so I told you no to save you and I anymore hurt. It was not easy for me; I think you should know. I wanted to feel you so very, very close. .

You left me with no real answers, and no real reason. You should have faced me friend, you should have showed me respect, but you chose not to. You chose to run...you chose to run.

And I chose to live and move on.







~Cecily Priscilla

Where there is a heart, there is no distance...

I realized today that the heart knows no distance. I kind of knew that before, but today it just became very clear.

Today my dear friend’s grandpa passed away…my heart breaks for her and her family. I know the pain of losing a grandpa, as I have lost both of mine…it hurts so deeply. I am 3 hours from my friend, and I can’t be there to hug her right now…but, my heart is with her. I may be in Palacios, but my heart and all of my love and thoughts are 3 hours away in Dripping Springs right by her side, hugging her.

There have been times that the people I love are far away, and I have to be there for them long distance…whether it be a birthday, accomplishment, hard times or…the loss of a loved one, many times I can’t there for them physically like I would love to be. But, my heart is always there…it literally feels like during those times my heart flies out of my chest and goes to that person…like I would love to do. If I could take the people I love in my arms and just hug them, just be right there next to them…to comfort, or congratulate, I would. However, when I can’t be there to do that, I can send my prayers. I can call out their names to my God and He will send love and peace their way. This is the best thing I can do for them. And, thankfully, technology has given us so many ways to communicate our hearts…it may be by a phone call, an e-mail, or a simple text; we can now let our hearts speak to our loved ones from so far away.

So, the heart, whether a thousand miles away or right in the same room, it knows no distance…no, it just knows love.

I hope my family and friends can always feel my heart with them, for I certainly always feel theirs.







~Cecily Priscilla

A disclaimer, my dear...

All of a sudden I got a little freaked out that certain people might stumble upon this blog...I love people reading my blog, there's not doubt about that, but there are a few people that I would be a little uncomfortable if they read some things on here. But, I am a blogger, we put our hearts feelings online for the world to see...sometimes it's only to give our written words a home, and other times it's out of hope that someone, somewhere, might relate to what we are writing. Either way, sometimes the fear of someone you have written about finding your blog is a bit...err awkward. But, I’m pretty good with awkward, so I guess I’ll keep blogging ;)

Just a note though, to anyone that I have written about, if you have a problem with it, then you can talk to me. When I go through deep things in life I write like crazy, it's just how I deal with things now, and I want my writings to have a home...I need that. Many of the things posted here were written quite some time ago, and I probably no longer feel that same way. If my writings make you uncomfortable, well...that's too bad. Just take it with a grain of salt :)


Cheers bloggers and friends! May your life be deep enough that you have to write about it :)






~Cecily Priscilla

Poison and Ashes

Your words turn my stomach; they make me sick. Poison to my soul, they make me want to vomit. They turn my stomach inside out, until my insides are contorted. Suddenly I feel sick, my grieving soul is scratching to spill out. Poison; your words are like poison to me. Like acid, they pour in, burning my flesh, ripping my heart, exposing my bones.

Oh, what a lovely actress you have made me, I shine in front of them all. Oh, what a lovely actress, I smile, and curtsy, and speak in fine tuned contracted law. Don’t you love the show? I am a puppet in your play, I sit and stare into space, jaded and numb, waiting until you take your bow and I can leave the stage.

Burn, burn, burn; oh how your words burn me. Sting and sting, they leave me hallow and lifeless.

Fire, we are all playing with fire. We dance around the flames as you spout them out, fiery red and orange they are, as they come up from your soul and pour out of your mouth. It makes you feel powerful, and makes you feel alive and in control. Oh, your fiery flames of hate pour over our heads, consuming us, as we breathe in and out the black smoke that is choking us to death.

I am left in ashes.

However, ashes are hopeful, for you see; my Heavenly Father will take my ashes and redeem me. My Holy Father, who loves me the way love is meant to be, He will take my screwed up past, and all of my burnt up dreams, and He will make them beautiful.

Yes, we will once again shine with beauty; God will take our ashes and make us whole again.










~Cecily Priscilla