Sometimes life is funny…funny in the way that God speaks to you. This past Tuesday morning on the way to class I glanced at my arms…its hard some days to face what you used to be. It’s hard to have scars, knowing you were the reason for it. I feel ashamed when I look at my arms, it’s so embarrassing and I feel so ridiculous. My arms tell my story, and it’s a broken one. I hate that I made it to where everyone knows my issues from the moment they see my arms or legs. I feel exposed, and I’m terrified of being rejected and seen as crazy or weird…I’m afraid of what people will think of me, the “pastor’s daughter”, if they really knew what I went through. And I’m afraid that because of my past I will be too much for people…too much for any guy to deal with, too much for friends to understand. I know that’s not the case, because all of my friends who know love and accept me so beautifully and gracefully, I seriously could not ask for better friends; they are truly gifts from God! And, despite all his crappy-ness, my ex really did embrace and understand me, he never acted like I was crazy or damaged, he treated me, in that way at least, with great care and empathy. But, I worry about new people I meet, and new guys I get interested in, finding out…and then leaving or seeing me different…damaged. It’s so scary.
This is what was running through my mind that morning driving in the car on my way to class.
Little did I know that God had something to say about my regrets that morning; He told me that His blood covered mine, His scars covered my scars. He told me that I am chosen, that His hand is on me. God reminded me that my testimony has a purpose, and that I was made the way I am for a reason, God knew what I was going to go through and He has planned to use it for His glory, to reach others for His kingdom and tell of His strong and everlasting, ever reaching, all enduring love and grace and mercy! Praise God! I am chosen! My sins are washed white as snow! My God took my transgressions and threw them as far as the east is from the west, He will never remember them again! His perfect blood, His perfect sacrifice, is enough for me, it’s enough for my scars and pain, and my screwed up past! I am washed in the blood of the perfect spotless Lamb of God! I am more than a conqueror! I am new!
All of this is what God spoke to my spirit through the classes at DBI Tuesday, through my teachers, who praise God, are so anointed by the Holy Spirit! I am so blessed to sit in a room and be taught by such Godly leaders! The teacher of my Prophets class pretty much just spoke to my heart that day, not knowing that just a few hours before I was wallowing in my past mistakes and I needed to hear from God. Praise God for my teachers! May God bless them so richly for their service! She said that when we let our past’s get us down we are saying that the cross was not enough for us. I never want to ever dare say such a thing. I never want to undermine Christ’s sacrifice for me. His blood is enough. His death and resurrection is enough to wash my scars clean, to make them disappear…to fade to Love. Praise God for His perfect love! I am in awe! My heart is His; it sings and dances for Him always!
Oh, my sweet Lord, Your perfect blood washes my wounds, and makes my scars fade to LOVE. Halleluiah, I have been healed.
"Come now, let us settle the matter, says the LORD. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” - Isaiah 1:18
Note to self, and to you; always remember this: Christ’s scars are deep enough to cover all of yours; His blood will wash them clean. You may remember your scars, but Christ does not. You may see them, but when Jesus looks at you He only sees the one He loves so much He died for. Christ’s sacrifice on the cross was for you, it is enough, all you have to do is believe it, and receive it.
~Cecily Priscilla
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