Beautiful Again...

At times of brokenness i find myself feeling unpretty, i don't feel beautiful when i am broken down and thrown out. If i am to be completely honest, sometimes i feel as beautiful as used up trash, crumpled up and thrown away in the dump. Life makes me feel like that sometimes, people and situations make me feel used. Dirt and mud in my cuts and scrapes, my face scuffed. I long to feel beautiful again. I long to feel clean and pure, my heart and mind, and soul longs to be cleansed. I desperately want to feel beautiful again, not outwardly, but inwardly beautiful...i want to be redeemed, baptized in the grace and purity of The Almighty God. Bright, shinny and new. Pure, set apart and renewed. Like sunrise on the first day of Spring, new and golden. Breathing in fresh pure air.


"Arise sweet daughter, morning's sunrise is on the horizon, you're just as stunning. You're becoming free, just like I intended. So be free my precious daughter, run and take all creation in, it's for you. Morning's sunrise is always new" my Father tells me, "Just like Your mercies" i say back. "Just like your future", my Father replies.

Sunrises are beautiful things...new beginnings and redemption are too.


I want to be held by someone who won't leave me. I long to feel protected and safe. Beautiful and valued, that's how i want to see myself, that's how i want to be treated. My heart above all else is scarred up, it has so many cuts and bruises, many, way too many, have been there since i was a child. Other scars are fresh and healing, others by the grace of God have healed. To be healed, to be whole and beautiful, to be loved...oh how those words leave me feeling so empty. Words are not my favorite things, i prefer actions. I don't put much stock in the words that are spoken to me, especially when they are coming from the mouth of a man, i never have. I need to see. I need action, not pretty words, not temporary apologies that all to soon turn into knifes and stab my soul once again. Show me you love me, show me in how you treat me, show me in respect and honor. Listen to me, and trust my thoughts and ideas. Care for me, but know that i am strong and can take care of myself. Don't control me. Don't hover over me and keep tabs. Don't make judgements, but let me make my own choices, my own mistakes. Let me have my own opinions, ideas, and personality. Embrace me, all of my heart and mind, and love me despite my flaws, praying them away instead of cutting them with your sharp tongue. Encourage me, tell me you believe in me, and that you're by my side no matter the outcome. When i cry, lend me your shoulder, and wipe my tears away. Talk to me when i'm upset, and listen to me rant, giving sound advice when needed. And hug me, take me in your arms, and hug me so very, very tightly. That's what i want, that's what i've always needed.


My Heavenly Father gives me all of those things and more, and yet, i still want it here on earth...My Abba will supply all my needs accordingly. I love my Savior, i love him so very deeply.



~ Cecily Priscilla