Sometimes...I Want To Punch You...

Sometimes i want to punch you. We're are never on the same page, and when i'm here you're not and when you're there i'm not...and it's all so screwed up and nonsensical. Your words are like knifes even when they're pretty, even when they are not directed at me. Your words which used to sooth me and make me so happy, now just serve to kill me...they sting, sting more than i could have ever imagined. They knock the breath out of me, but then again, you have always knocked the breath out of my lungs...in every good and bad way. Why can't you just go away, go away...i don't want you to go away, i can't let you go.

And everything just makes me anxious. And everything just makes me cry. Why did you hurt me so deeply, why did you never say the word "goodbye". You did it to save your own skin, you did it to keep the door open. But honey, this door is tattered and stripped. And it's getting cracked and unhinged from trying to fight gravity and stay open waiting for you to come through it. So "let me pull it closed, let me nail it shut", is what i pray to our dear God. But even when i pray those words to make you wash away, a second later i'm praying for a second chance with your cold heart.

When you are here, it feels as if you are sucking the life out of me, my soul pulls and my breath becomes shallow. The tears in my eyes i can not contain, and they run down my check. The blood in my veins you do take my dear, leaving me nothing to sustain my heart and mind. And then, just as quick as you came, you disappear in the night, and my breath returns and my lungs inflate. I gasp as i breathe life in again, tired, and my limbs blue. I'm light headed and dizzy, spinning, spinning, spinning from the throws, punches and twists of your love. You honey, knock the breath out of me. Missing you sweet friend, makes me dead and then brings me to life again, i become the walking dead because i can't wash your poison from my veins.



~ Cecily Priscilla