Beautiful you…:)

Over the last few weeks I have become very secure in my body. This is very odd and new to me because I have always struggled with body image.

But as of late, I have started to love my curves. I have come to delight in my shape, I mean, I have friggin hips baby, and I like it! ;)I like not looking like my bones are protruding from my skin. I like looking like a woman.

I guess I always have had some issues with weight, my mom and aunts have pretty much been on a constant diets since I can remember, so emphases on a small waist has always been there. Salads at pizza hut and turkey sandwiches and diet coke were the norm around my family. I was talking to my cousin the other night about this; it seems to have affected her a little as well, growing up always being pushed to diet. I guess in some ways it made me very insecure, very fearful of food. I still am I suppose. I really have a small appetite and I hate feeling full…and plus I’m so picky when it comes to food, that I don’t eat all that much. But when do I am most of the time very fearful of the calories. I hate that. I want to be able to eat without worrying about gaining a few pounds. I suppose there is some deeper insecurity there, but those are to be explored at another time.

I have always looked younger for my age, and some of that had to do with the baby fat I had from ages 12-16. I dropped some weight at 16, but still felt completely out of proportion. Then at 19 I dropped the last lingering pounds, going down about 6 sizes, and it gave me the self-confidence I had always lacked. I came into myself as a young woman.

But, I’ll admit I was a little too on the frail looking side at that time. I wasn’t sick looking, but the boney look made me seem very little girl-ish.

That was at 19. I’m now just a few months from being twenty two. I have grown so much emotionally, mentally, and spiritually in the last few years. I have been through so many hurricanes and from those have come new depth in my soul and heart.

I do not feel like a little girl anymore, I am not. I am a woman. So I should look like one, as well as feel like one.

My body has changed in the last year, I have been taking better care of it, or at least I’m trying to, and I think that has done it good. I am proud.

I am thin, but I am not bones. I am curves, but not bulk. I like it. I like feeling womanly. I like having a shape. I like having hips that are wider and thighs and legs that are strong (still have dancer legs, hells yeah, thank you pop music and childhood dance parties, ha). I like the little curve in my back, and my defined collar bones. I like my arms that I’ve always obsessed over getting just perfect being a little shapely and that being enough.

I just love myself the way I am, and the way I look. I walk into rooms feeling beautiful, sultry, sassy and lovely!

Surprisingly this thinking was all spurred by a comment a friend made to me the other week; we were discussing eating healthier when she said that i looked good, and that i didn't have to worry about my weight'. She told me that  i looked healthy and i had a nice shape to me.And just like that, for some reason at that moment her sweet and kind words made me think “dang, i do have a nice shape! Why didn't i see this before?!”

And, i also have the fortune of having one hell of an amazing guy friend who always tells me I'm beautiful and i don’t need to worry about things like that…i hope he knows how much his words and love help :)

And while i don’t look to people to validate me and give me beauty (only my Creator can do that), those words of confirmation helped me see that having a shape and curves are more attractive than having your bones sticking out.

This is something I never thought I would ever feel. And it feels so wonderful and freeing!

It has also been great to eat a little more than I normally do and still feel okay with myself. Praise God!!

I’m getting older, and i am making a lot of changes in my life style, in the way I treat myself and the way I look. It feels good.

I feel happy in my skin. I feel happy in my body. This is the beginning of a beautiful new healthy state of mind :)

 

 

~ Cecily Priscilla