Summertime spontaneity...oh how you scare me.

In the summertime i tend to get myself into things then i often wonder "what the hell did i just get myself into??!!" Yeah. Last summer i decided to just say yes to something because it was exciting and i was way too curious and smitten, and for a while (short while) it was great...then it just lead to me getting ignored for a week and a half and getting the "kiss off" (inside joke) with a fifteen minute phone call....not really a moment that made me say "yay", it more made me say "screw you, you selfish, indecisive, dramatic jerk".

However, despite the crappy ending, i wouldn't trade any of the moments that came before, because i really loved every second i got to spend with that person, and those memories made my summer.


So why am i reflecting on a bad past "almost relationship". Well, because i am once again finding myself saying "what the hell did i get myself into?" and i really need to remind myself that taking chances and stepping out of my comfort zone can be a good thing....and my "almost relationship" with a guy i met online is my best example...that's sad...wish i had a more of an exciting example...boys can be so boring.

Anycats, the upcoming things in my life are terrifying me because i feel so unprepared. Change and new things are uncomfortable, i'm scarred of not finding a small bit of comfort in these new things...i'm scarred i won't settle in well...that i won't fit.

I tend to over think things, i think about something over and over so much that i freak out about every little detail and thing that could possibly go wrong. That's why i made the vow to stop over thinking...to just jump. Not easy sometimes, and right now i'm finding it not too easy.

At the beginning of the year i made the commitment to never say "no" to any door that opened in front of me. I made the vow to step right into the unknown...to pursue it. I prayed for change, i asked God to give me new and exciting things...especially after that stupid "15 minute phone call" (that is now a source of humor for myself and my friends). My new year prayer was for new, happy, exciting, and substantial things...things that won't fade away, but things and opportunities that are eternal.

Now, summer again, i see that God is giving me the things i asked Him for...He's giving me so much, so many opportunities to give, and love, and serve, and grow. God is giving me "new", He's giving me "exciting" and He's giving me "substance". And i can't wait to see what is next.

BUT, while God is trying to work in my life, i am terrified of what that means for me...what that means for my comfort. It's going to be a lot of work, and it's going to be sticky and messy and weird and awkward...but, can't i handle that? I mean, i pretty darn good with "awkward" and "weird". So yes, i can handle that. I am a very strong woman of God, and i can handle anything that comes my way, so long as i am connected and following my Lord. I have overcome many things, i can take on the world. Everything is scary when you first try it. One thing i learned is that every single person feels awkward...everyone is just trying to find their place...and i find so much comfort in knowing that! lol. I just have to remind myself of it.

So, i will step out. I will take a deep breathe, and get into this messy, beautiful, and sometimes uncomfortable world. And i will have fun. Yes, i will have fun and smile while i am learning new things and experiencing the doors that God has opened for me. I will discover what He wants to teach me though all the newness, and i will bring that knowledge back with me.






I pray once again dear Father, please bring me new and beautiful things, bring me exciting and happy smile things. Please use my life, use all of me, for Your glory and purpose. I want to be Your hands and feet to this world, so take me where You want me to be. Only let me say what You want me to say, and do only what You want me to do. I dedicate this time in my life to You God, my Savior, my King, my Love. Take me on an adventure, Father. Let my life be one of substance and eternal truths, let my life be a testament to Your saving grace. Be with me dear Lord, don't ever leave my side for a second, i need You right now, i need You with me so i can do these things. Please take my hand, and hold my heart, and protect me from harm and emotional pain. Heal the things in me that hurt, take my shame, pain, rejection, fear, anger, insecurity, and every thing that blocks You from me. Heal it all and make it shine with Your light. Make my life a beautiful portrait of You. I love you Lord, I love you so much. I praise you Father, for You are Truth. You set me free. Thank you for loving me. Please continue to be with me through all these changes. In Jesus mighty name i pray, Amen.





~Cecily Priscilla