Cecily's slightly sarcastic and slightly awkward dating rules (a running list)

So, i feel like I've learned some things from my past dealings with guys...very stupid, albeit for awhile sweet, guys that i thought were special enough to let into my life...meh, i was kinda wrong. So, i turn now to hindsight and laughter, because that's how i think we should all approach things that sting, with a little laughter and a whole lot of sarcasm! And yes, while this list is meant to be kind of sarcastic, it is however also mostly true things that i now watch out for when getting to know a guy, life lessons baby.



*Note; the things on this list were all real experiences I've had with guys...this is a sad fact.*

1. Never date a guy who wears tighter jeans than you do. Ladies, if his jeans are so tight that he can't get his phone out of his pocket, there's something not quite right. He's probably way too into himself and you don't need a shallow boy.


2. Never date a guy who tells you he wants to bake with you, or that he would love if you baked him cookies...i'm not sure why exactly, but all i know is that both guys who told me this turned out to be idiots. Just trust me on this one.


3. Never date a guy who just moved to your state less than 6 months before you met him. These guys are unstable because they are in a new environment and lonely, therefore they don't know what they want. Their unreliability and fickleness will end up hurting you, and possibly driving you to murder...save yourself the prison time and just be friends with the guy until he's established himself in your state (and when i say "just be friends" i mean it, no hugging,hand holding, kissing, flirting...just friends girls, trust me!)...this could take at least 6 more months to a year, but you'll be thankful in the end.


4. Never go out with a guy who has a rock star complex and thinks he looks like members of rock bands. He's insecure and doesn't know who the hell he is, so he has to recycle an identity. You need a man who knows exactly who he is, not a fake who is mentally stuck in middle school still trying to be "cool". This rule is especially important to follow if the dude can't even play an instrument, thinks he should play one, but doesn't have the guts to try...wanna be musicians are not boyfriend material sweetie.


5. Avoid guys who are obsessed with your purity and talk about it like it's the "holy grail". Trust me, being put on a "purity pedestal" by your boyfriend is not cool, and leaves you feeling like a weird porcelain doll in a glass bubble. Plus, it's just crazy awkward to be told over and over how awesome your virginity is. Find a guy who respects your purity and loves it about you, but who will refrain from constantly mentioning it to you and won't act like you are untouchable and perfect.


6. Never go out with a guy who tells you he will show you some "self defence" moves in his basement....because honey, that ain't all he wants to show you! I think what this means should be obvious, but I'll say it anyway...the boy wants your goods, don't give it girl...wait for the diamond! ;p


7. Stay away from guys who have previously been engaged and/or bought an engagement ring for a girl. These guys are just bad news. Now i'm sure there are cases where the guys really just did get screwed over, but make sure before you get involved with him. Make sure he is over his ex and not rebounding, and has emotionally healed from that past engagement. Guys who have not healed from their last heartbreak, especially if the relationship was headed towards marriage, may get obsessive over you and move very fast as a way of compensating for their broken relationship. Once their obsessiveness wears out they will leave and you will want to egg their car.


8. If the guy your going out with still has his ex girlfriends paintings in the trunk of his car, run the other way girl!


9. Never lend a guy your favorite books...especially if they are a trilogy of three books! Wait for a committed relationship before you give him reading material, because then you are more likely to see those books again and avoid re-buying them (*Sigh* i miss my Ted Dekker books! ). And furthermore, in the case that your boyfriend does have some of your books and you break up, he should then give you the money to buy those books again, because you will never want your old books back for the simple reason that he touched them and all you would want to do is burn them.


10. Run away from guys who start a sentence with "my therapist thinks", and end it with "about you". You never want to date a guy who discusses you with his therapist, because there will always be three people in your relationship...you, your boyfriend...and his intern of a therapist who works part time at Whole Foods.

That's all for now friends! I'll be randomly posting more slightly sarcastic rules in the coming posts...stupid guys give you too much material ;) Here's to hindsight and the laughter it brings! Cheers!

~Cecily Priscilla